I was adopted a few years ago. My biological family now wants to see me after seventeen years. I am still stuck on the question why do they want to see me. It has been so long I mean why now ? I am so confused. They are all coming to see me tomorrow. This is all my brothers fault he was the one he got in contact with them. I always told my brother I do not want to see them and he did not listen to anything I said he went and told them that I want to see them. I have nothing to say to them...what should I ask them...of course I am going to be nice but I have nothing to say but hello and then what else ?
2007-08-03 16:36:12 · 11 answers · asked by Ablebaby 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sometimes I get so nervous I just want to walk away and I don't want to offend anyone...and I most defintely don't want to cry in front of them...
2007-08-03 16:44:37 · update #1
I already know why my mom gave me up for adoption and I don't want to her about that anymore so I don't want to ask about that...
2007-08-03 16:45:59 · update #2
you may resent (forever) your bro for doing this behind your back...or on the other hand you may thank him someday. People make decisions that change their lives and many others ........your situation is one of them. they are the only ones that can answer the why question.... and still you may not understand or agree w their answer. perhaps knowing that you are part of a family where you are loved and happy makes them feel more comfortable about seeing you. maybe they are wondering why "you wanted to see them" after all the time. you havethe life they couldn't/didn't provide and now they can face you because you have that void filled in your life. how do you know if they were told you wanted to see them many yrs ago that they would not have come. time passes by before we know it. after so much time had passed, they thought you would never want to see them...so they did not seek you out. more like a respect for your life you were living without them. it probably means a lot to them that "you said you wanted to see them" and they jumped at the chance to see you and make things atleast better if not right between ya'll. i can understand you wanting to leave things as they are and i can understand them wanting to see you. i may have it all wrong. but people make mistakes, some worse than others. some harder to forgive others for and some harder to forgive yourself for. but if they are coming to see you because "you wanted them to". it's a 50/50 chance they are taking and you too. they have let you down in the past and they could have easily not bothered to come when "you asked" but this time they are stepping up to the plate. i bet they are too nervous to sleep tonight,too. it would prob be easier to tell yourself you are willing to give them a chance to get to know you and you know them during this meeting....but that doesn't obligate either one of you. that way you want have so much pressure. it's a wait and see thing. its a very hard thing for you to come face to face w them. it's a very hard thing for them to come face to face with you. you did not say where you are meeeting and who else would be there. i would not want to face them alone. having a friend or family mbr to help w the awkward moments and jump in and keep the convesation going would be a must. asking opene-ended, general questions would be a good way to get the conversation started. avoid questions w yes/no questions. usually once the ice is broken is is easy to pick out something that has been mentioned and cont on w the conversation. make sure your friend knows you may need their help to keep the conversation going. i will be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope things go really well. i really, really do.
life is uncertian. find something everyday to truly be thankful for. but most of all smile from the inside out.
2007-08-03 17:56:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sure they will understand your apprehensiveness and will probably be very supportive and careful with you. They are probably as nervous as you are and want to explain things to you. Maybe just listen, and respond to what they say. It's a very good thing that they want to see you. Let them initiate. They will understand you have questions. If things get a little uncomfortable and no one is talking, maybe ask some "get to know you", simple questions that will keep things "light" and easy going. It's probably going to be really quite wonderful and you will find a void filled that you may not have known was even there. I am excited for you and them. I hope everything goes above and beyond your wildest expectations. I will say a special prayer that your conversation flows well and that everyone involved experiences peace and healing and positive relationships develop that will be beneficial to everyone. Big smile and big hug. It will be okay.
2007-08-03 23:58:53 · answer #2 · answered by *Freedom* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let them know you are not ready to see them yet. If you do decide you want to see them just try and relax I am sure they have a lot of questions for you and you can ask them things like their medical history so you know whats in your genes. I would ask them why they gave you up for adoption.
2007-08-03 23:43:50 · answer #3 · answered by Izzy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay im adopted to. And i know your angry at your family for giving you up, but maybe their was a good reason for it. Poverty, or maybe they new you couldnt get the things you needed in life by them. All my friends are adopted and know their birth familys and all of their familys had a reason to give them up and now their happier then ever cause they all have two familys.
2007-08-03 23:42:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know much about these situations, but if i were you i'd, like you said, say hello and be polite. It's not up to you to carry the conversation. Just be pleasant and loyal to your adopted family and show those who gave you up what they're missing. Who knows, maybe they're cool and you'll want to keep in touch.
2007-08-03 23:41:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would ask them why they gave you up for adpotion and if your not sure what to say and if they arent sure either then you can tell them how things have been in your life and ask them about theirs. they may want to see you because they have got things worked out and they want to help you understad why they put you up for adption i know its not going to be easy but the best thing to do is to try to be understanding and make since of all that has happened and maybe you might like them but it never hurts to take a chance to see if maybe you can find it in you heart to forgive them.
2007-08-03 23:48:59 · answer #6 · answered by kevsbabe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well just start to learn about them . . . ask them like where do they live . . . what kind of job do you have . . . and i know its gonna b difficult but try to be nice ok . . . and i wouldnt c that there would be a problem if you asked them y didnt u want me and stuff but im sorri bout ur situation =( hope it goes well
2007-08-03 23:42:09 · answer #7 · answered by electric ✖ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you don't want to see them, you don't have to do anymore than you are comfortable with, explain politely that you didn't look for them and for now you are happy with your real family, the family that has raised, you, you might however want to get phone numbers and addresses in case you change your mind later
2007-08-03 23:40:32 · answer #8 · answered by nupeper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever you feel up to . talk to them , live them don't even show up at the reunion . do what ever you feel like doing . what ever you feel will be OK . You have the right to feel the way you feeling about them rigth now. good luck
2007-08-03 23:59:58 · answer #9 · answered by Gigi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're 17, you don't HAVE to see them. You can excuse yourself from the house while they are there, let your brother deal with them.
2007-08-03 23:40:57 · answer #10 · answered by Michael H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋