Just incase some of you read a similar question in general famiy & relationships, please know that I am happy with the answers, but was hoping for more answers. Bottom line is I am 36, had depression and anxiety in my life, and still worry about what my Mom thinks on "everything". She is great, and isn't the judgmental type, so why would I do this? What kind of questions should I be asking myself to figure out why I worry so much about it? Also, I feel I need to protect her and worry like crazy if I think that I or someone else I love might have said something that bothered her even a little bit. Thanks and please be kind. P.S. I have explored this in therapy and was there for 5 yrs, but still am unsure why I do this. It is horrible to feel this way.
2007-08-03 16:32:53 · 6 answers · asked by ShineOn 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You people are fantastic! Thanks so much!
2007-08-03 16:52:07 · update #1
Well here goes, it sounds to me like your always worrying about what your mom thinks, putting her on a pedal stool etc. because you want her unconditional love. Did something happen in your childhood where you felt your mom didn't protect you or did you feel maybe you weren't loved as much as she loved the other people around her? Maybe in your subconscious mind if you let your mom know that you don't want people to hurt her feelings, you want her approval on "everything", that one day she will realize that you love and want to protect her when in actuality this is what you were looking for from her when you were younger. I'm 50 and for years I went through something similar and I finally realized that my mother loved me in her own way, even though she didn't protect me when I was young it left me wondering why. Why wasn't I deserving of her protection and unconditional love? So if I tried to be the perfect daughter and show her I loved her more than anybody else. So I would put her high on that pedal stool and you know what I still don't know why my mother didn't protect me from an abusive situation when I was young. But I do know now this is why I was the way I WAS. Don't get me wrong my mother and I have a good relationship I understand now why I was always looking for her approval. It was actually that child in me looking for her protection and love. I tried to put this in words the best way I could. I hope it helps you.
2007-08-03 18:52:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there might be a bit of separation anxiety or co-dependence happening here. It's sweet that you care so much for your mom but to worry about her so obsessively isn't healthy. She is a grown adult and as such has her own life to live. And you being a 36 year old woman should be doing the same thing and enjoying your life. Try talking what it is that is bothering you and/or why you worry so much about her. Mom might just surprise you and tell you to go and live your own life and to allow her to do the same and not worry so much over her. I'm sure that when she wants/needs your help she knows you'll be there for her and would call you if she needed.
2007-08-03 23:41:01 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I care what my mom says partly because I care about her and because I respect her. Most of the time she is right but sometimes she gets to a point my opinion doesn't really matter so then I just let her know in a nice way that I am growing and I have to think for myself so if I am going to make a mistake let me make it. If someone said something to your mother and she is not worried or offended them leave it alone.
2007-08-03 23:42:24 · answer #3 · answered by Ablebaby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read the book "Reinventing Your Life". It gives several scenarios that may have happened in childhood that make you behave the way you do now in adulthood.
This is just for starters. I would highly recommend that you continue therapy.
2007-08-03 23:40:34 · answer #4 · answered by abba 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think u love ur mom too much, and u worry u will make her sad with u action, this happens to me too. i think the best way is when u want to do and u are not sure of it, try to ask for ur mom advice
2007-08-03 23:48:15 · answer #5 · answered by yusuke_kousuke 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like maybe deep down in you somewhere theres something that maybe you did that hurt/would hurt her?
dont get me wrong, im 40 my dad is young 82, and of course i wantto protect him, thats natural for us to protect our family members that arent as strong as they once were, .
my opinion ( without knowing more details) is there anything deep down your guilty about?
remember, its not a bad thing to care about our parents opinion, but if its getting to be an obsesion, then it gets to where thats all you think about, i would say try simply to put it out of your head for s while, whatever it is will surface in your mind when its supposed to
2007-08-03 23:47:04 · answer #6 · answered by s p 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋