What would you do if you found out the person you loved had Herpes?

Question

I dated a man for a couple of months. We were really good together, but we were both just at totally different places in our lives, so we went our seperate ways. He called me a few months later and said he had found out he had Herpes and thought I should get tested to be safe. I don't have it. We've become really good friends over the past couple of months, and it kills me that he has this!! I would love to be with him. Shoot, I would MARRY this guy if it weren't for the Herpes... I don't want to have Herpes... What would you do in this situation?

Answer 1

Of course having biological children is an option - 1 in 5 men have herpes, and 1 in 4 women, so it isn't exactly uncommon. Forget what you hear, it is normally so mild you hardly notice it. In fact that is the reason 80% of people with genital herpes don't know they are infected - they don't have symptoms. My sister has had three healthy children, by vaginal delivery, and her husband does not have genital herpes.

Why does it 'kill you' that he has it? Having herpes is not the end of the world. For most peope, it is no more than a minor irritation.

Would you date someone with cold sores? You are as likely to get herpes form them if they give you oral sex. That is how I got genital herpes.

Herpes does not mean you are 'dirty' or promiscuous or have an out of the ordinary liking for sex, it is something you can catch as a virgin, if you have ever recieved oral.

I probably felt like you about herpes before I got it, butnow I can't believe just how much it doesn't live up to the hype. And there are plenty of things you can do to help prevent catching it - use protection, avoid symptoms, have him take valtrex... If you really cared about him it wouldn't matter.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

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Answer 4

I had almost the EXACT same problem as you...I dated a guy for a couple of months, he moved away and then called me a few months later to tell me he found out he had genital herpes. The only problem was, I had it too. I didn't even know I had it because my symptoms were so mild. I got Valtrex from my doctor, but I hardly ever have to use it because I hardly ever have an outbreak.

The other difference in my situation - I actually did marry the guy. He and I didn't start dating again right away (he lived half-way across the country) but we reconnected and I moved and now we are married. He takes a daily suppressant because he had more outbreaks than I ever did, but I still pretty much live symptom free. Like the guy above me said, it is hard to deal with at first, but then you realize how common it really is but nobody talks about it. It's not as bad as you think.

And just in case you think you may ever break up after you catch it, or get divorced later, don't think that nobody else will want you. I dated 4 different guys after I found out about having herpes. Some didn't want to deal with it, and some did. You just use a condom and watch out for outbreaks and go on with your life as normal. It's not as bad as you think.

Answer 5

I got diagnosed with herpes simplex virus (type 2) about 4 yrs ago, when I was still in college and had a silly one-night stand. I realize lots of people say this, but I swear I had never done that sort of thing before. I just made a huge mistake that one time and all of a sudden it seemed like I was going to have to live with the implications for the rest of my life. The worst part was feeling I could never date guys again. In the end, who wants to go out with someone that has sores round her private parts? But since a friend shared this movie https://tr.im/g3ceu everything changed.

Not only was I able to eradicate all traces of the hsv from my body in less than 3 weeks, but I was also able to start dating again. I even met the guy of my dreams and I'm so fortunate to write that just last week, in front of everybody in a busy restaurant, he got down on one knee and proposed to me! This system provided me the chance to be happy and experience true love again. Now I want to help others too by sharing this story.

Answer 6

I am absolutely terrified and I feel so alone. I just found out last week that I tested positive for hsv1 and 2. I have been with the same man for the past 10 years and within the last year found out that he has cheated on me with numerous women. I am so scared that I can give it to my children by kissing them and them eating with me...I feel like my whole life has changed. And even though the nurses, my doctor, and websites say that a lot of people have it I still feel like I am by myself. My self esteem has dropped and I feel like I have been used up. But now, My life is very happy.

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Answer 7

You have alot of good answers here about prevention. However, it also depends on where you are at in your life too. You know that having biological kids is not an option. So if you don't want to have kids then by all means go ahead.

One thing I am always fearful of is what if you have a falling out or decide to leave him in a couple of years. He could infect you maliciously. So think it through before you make your final decision.

Answer 8

If he has genital herpes you can still use safe sex and some drugs and some common sense and have a good chance of avoiding it, but it's definately a strike against him.

Answer 9

There is protection and methods so that you can reduce the risk of catching herpes. Talk to your doctor. He can prescribe medication and treatments that can help.

Answer 10

if you're willing to marry the guy then there are ways to avoid contracting herpes. and something like that shouldn't hold you back if you REALLY love him.