Dating/Guy Question???

Question

I’m seein this guy okay. We are both 18. I love him! I really do! I haven’t told him yet cuz I think it’s too soon. Thing is I’m wondering if I should end this “relationship.” He told me about how he had an abusive father and of the cruel things his dad did to him. My guy told me of the times he wanted to kill his father...he’s also talked of how protective he is of his friends. He told me of one specific incident, when a guy he knew got outta hand with some girl and tried to force a kiss on her. He told me that he just snapped and attacked the guy and beat him up pretty good (it’s true, it’s not a bluff)...he said that if his friends hadn’t yanked him off the guy that he prolly would have killed him. I can understand wanting to protect the people who are dear to you but at what cost? Am I in a doomed relationship? I’m wondering now if I should be with this guy. He promised me with all his heart that he would never ever hurt me...but how can I be sure now? My mom just filled me in on another horror story of a 19 year old girl who was found brutally murdered most likely by her bf....and obviously that’s not the only story....am I with the sort of person who will snap and end up hurting me or (perhaps) our future children? He’s the kindest and most sincere and honest guy I know, but what should I do? I’m getting kinda scared now.

Answer 1

This is a touchy situation. First of all, if you are having doubts about this guy being the one... then dumping him wouldn't be so horrible, and you definitely shouldn't be thinking about getting married and having kids with him. It's sad, because you love him (as much as you can love anyone you haven't been with for more than five years), but it's the truth. People who get married are (or rather, should be) people who can't imagine living life without that person, people who couldn't stand to not walk through life with the other.
Now, on to the violent aspect. Your safety is the top priority. If you doubt, in any way, that you are safe with him (which you clearly do or you wouldn't be posting this question) then you need to get out of the relationship. However, there is a chance that breaking it off could turn ugly. I suggest you bring someone with you when you do it. Go to a public place (a restaurant is perfect) so there are a lot of people to help if things get out of hand and so that he is less likely to get out of hand in the first place. Have your friend you brought sit at another table where they can't listen in, so your boyfriend doesn't feel like you are being watched or your privacy is compromised or anything. Then just be honest with him. Tell him you are worried for your safety and the safety of your friends and family. Explain to him that you know he thinks he would never hurt you, but that he could do it without meaning to. Remind him that he doesn't want to hurt you, and that if he cares about you that much, he knows that if there is a possibility of hurting you, he shouldn't be around you. Suggest that he go to an anger management class and/or a therapist to talk about his issues. Normally I would suggest paying a visit to social services, but he is an adult now, so that wouldn't do much good. A psychologist can help him through the reasons why he might lash out physically at people instead of working through things by talking. Leave quickly, but on a pleasant note. Tell him that you love him, and that if he gets himself together and sees someone about his violence, you might be able to work things out together. But make sure it's clear that until he does that, he is out of your life.
One last thing, you may need to think about the kind of guy you are attracted to and why. When you think about it, does your guy seem a little rough around the edges when you first meet him? Why are you interested in guys like that (if that's the case)? You may have some things you need to work through as well. It can help you avoid getting yourself into this situation again. Good luck and I'll be praying for you and your boyfriend.

Answer 2

From own journey i'm able to assert that lesbians who date men achieve this for financial and textile reasons. distinctive closet lesbians additionally date men so as that their acquaintances and relatives do not suspect that they are gay. I as quickly as dated a female who admitted to me that she isn't attracted too men yet does so simply by fact she comes from a non secular relatives who're homophobic. My ex female buddy is now residing with a married couple although she has informed me that she is conventional with that the boys spouse is gay and had come onto her in the previous.

Answer 3

Not necessarily. I do think however that you should talk to your guy about counseling. He needs to deal with his past, come to terms with it, and forgive his father and move on. It'll be hard for him to forgive his dad, but he needs to for his own sanity.

Answer 4

if you really want to help him and stay with him, try to get him into anger management classes. If he does't think he needs them, I would drop him like a hotcake!

Answer 5

If he can hurt other people that bad, he can hurt you... run, don't walk to the nearest exit.