He is going out nearly 4 times a week--drinking and partying. He comes home at all hours of the night. What if I go into labor and he isn't around? Or he's drunk?
I try to confront him about it and all he does is get mad and I'm the "nagging wife" I'm sick of it.
He doesn't understand how tired I am, and how I've been feeling more and more uncomfortable. I need help with daily chores and he doesn't do anything. It's like his so called friends are more important than me and the baby. He really has no clue what awaits him once the baby gets here. He says he's just getting all of his partying out now before she gets here but that doesn't make me feel any better. I have to go back to work and she's going to stay with him. I'm not leaving my baby with a hungover dad. Worse, I want to be the stay at home parent, but I can't due to finances.
I feel like he isn't ready to become a dad. He wanted this baby so much, and yet even when I told him he didn't really seem that happy.
2007-08-03 12:42:56 · 8 answers · asked by Jeannie Mary 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I'm so sorry. I think that what your husband is experiencing is a major life change that he doesn't know how to deal with, so he is going out and acting irresponsibly so he doesn't have to think about it. I'd bet he has a lot of apprehension and emotions that he feels like he cant sort out right now. I would ask to talk to him and then do it- talk, dont nag, dont yell. I think men just tune out when they feel panicked and in trouble. Talk to him from your heart and tell him your concerns. Don't say the work YOU in any accusing way. Say- I'm scared because I'm afraid I will go into labor and I will be home alone. I cant sleep when your not home because I worry about you. Say- I worked really hard today, and I think I will need more help with things around here. Say- I'm afraid that you won't want this kind of life and I will be alone. I think if you speak from your heart you will get a much better response, even if you are angry. It's okay to be angry, just try to separate yourself from it to have a conversation and try to help your family. Remember also, why you decided to marry and make a baby with this person. I know you are angry right now, but there must be something good about him. Maybe you can say to him- I think you will be a good father because you...... Maybe he is scared and feels like he wont be a good parent. Maybe he needs the encouragement as much as you do.
2007-08-03 13:46:52 · answer #1 · answered by Amy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, you are going to have even a harder time when the baby comes. It's hard on any marriage when a baby comes, and you will expect much more out of him. I'm assuming he was like this before you got pregnant so I'm not sure why got pregnant in the first place. It's not setting the child up for a good loving home.
2007-08-03 19:46:57 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really need to sit him down and explain how you are feeling. Guys really have no idea what it is like to be pregnant. You need to let him know your concerns and worries. My husband tells me I am a nag all the time. If only they would use their iniative (which I suppose they don't have a lot of). Good luck!!
Maybe you need to explain that if he doesn't pick his act up you will leave him. Although a brand new baby is hard work. Worth every second though. I hope you have a supportive family/friendship background.
2007-08-03 19:52:13 · answer #3 · answered by hottee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say - but things dont get better just because the baby gets here. Trust me, my husband went out all the time with his friend while I was pregnant.... told me that once our daughter got here, he would stop and take care of her. Well, he still goes out - has yet to change one diaper, does not know how to prepare a bottle, holds her for about 5 minutes a day, complains that she keeps him up when he is trying to sleep while I am actually up with her until she falls asleep. Two choices - get used to it because its what you have to look foward to for years to come or leave him.
And I wanted to add - my husband wasn't like this before I got pregnant. He changed once i got pregnant. Before then, he was always "I cant wait to have kids" and all that sweet stuff. But, that positive pregnancy test sure changed him fast.
2007-08-03 19:48:40 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley P 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
1. Have the baby.
2. Don't go home afterwards. Go to a friend or to your parents.
3. Tell him you'll be back when he grows up.
Guys like this need a real shock if they are going to change and many never do. Let him earn your respect and don't let him bully you.
2007-08-04 00:28:26 · answer #5 · answered by EC Expert 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i have expirienced that some dads become superdad after the baby is born but the father to be is probably feeling left out and will want all of your attention after she is born. If he doesnt grow up you may have to be a single mom just to take care of her. Im not saying it will happen that way but its a possibility.
2007-08-03 19:53:02 · answer #6 · answered by juliettedominique 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call his mom. Tell her, then let her smack him upside the head. Sometimes thats all these guys need. And get some good girlfriends, you may need them. Worst case - try to get your mom to move in and tell him if he wasn't such a waste case she wouldn't have to be there. Seriously. Get some back up. You're gonna need it.
2007-08-03 19:52:36 · answer #7 · answered by i like monkeys 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you married this guy??? Im afraid youre screwed - he will not change his ways until HE wants to or has to.
So, leave him and sue him for child support. He WILL change then.
Seriously, good luck to you. Youre in a bad situation, and it wont get any better with a jerk like that.
2007-08-03 19:51:42 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋