open relationship ???

Question

i will shortly be going to university and my bf , thinks that we should have an open realtionship(only me seeing other ppl and with his knowledge). he says that he thinks that i need to experiance life a bit more before our reationship gets really serious(moving into together, which i pretty huge step as we live in different coutries, and maybe marriage n family etc later on)which i agree, but the thing is i dont want to see other guys as i love the one ive got already, and he says hes falling in love with me. i think that if i do anything with another guy, i feel like i was cheating

i know hes worried that if we do get to that serious stage and that i meet some one that i fancy i might leave him, for a younger guy(my bf is 30 and im 18)which i wouldnt do.

so should i have fun at uni and experiance life a bit more( and thats NOT sleeping with every guy i meet) or be fully loyal to my bf?

please help

p.s sorry if its rather confusing,, but things are'nt quite clear to me

Answer 1

You should experience life more, I'm also not saying sleep with everybody, I'm saying go out, have fun see what happens, he's giving you the opportunity to enjoy life, TAKE IT ..... don't worry about cheating, just go have fun and if @ the end, you still want him then go to him, but do not let him hold you back from enjoying your youth and the fun of university.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Hi, my bf is 44, I'm 23 so I kinda know where you're cming from....but we live together. I think it's a good idea to have your "open relationship" if that is what he is suggesting. You have a lot to learn and you can never tell yourself for sure that you're really in love because you can suprise yourself. Especially if you two have not been dating long. All of my frends who have settled down and married young feel like they're missing something. Don't make the same mistake as everyone else. Embrace the change. It doesn't mean you have to specifically LOOK for someone else to see, but if it happens hey you're in the clear. u can reach me at [e-mail] if u need advice

Answer 3

He's 30; your 18... okay, I get it now... Look, the guy is feeling guilty about the fact that he is using you for sex. He wants YOU to to find someone else so he can bow out of this relationship unscathed. He is the one who wants an open relationship. Look, some of the things this guy says are truthful but his intentions are not pure. At 18, you should date a lot. You should understand what he is saying: he wants to date other people and he wants you to date other people. That's not a person looking for a more serious relationship but one trying to get out of one... You are young, so go out and experience life and find another boyfriend. Sorry for the harshness but you are going to waste your life and youth if you stick with this guy!!! Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

Why don't you tell him that right now you plan on being true to him. When you get there im sure things will change, who knows what will happen. Accept his offer try to be good to him but if you find yourself wanting to try new things then don't hold back. After all you are only 18...you have so much more to learn and experience.

Answer 5

If he wants you to date other guys, do so. In fact, he sounds like he's not quite sure about the relationship. He's giving you time to decide. It's your decision, but I'd definitely date some guys closer to your age. Another thing to think about, if he is from another country, there are women there that he might be seeing.

Answer 6

do what you feel is right and to me it sounds like you wont be dating other guys ---- maybe tell him no you dont want an "open relationship" and see what he says --- im sorry to sya he may (and i stress its only a may) be looking to date other ladies ---- talk to him let him know what you are feeling and why ---- my lady is in another country and i will be seeing her soon if it works out she will be coming back with me as truly there is nothing for her where she is ---- what im saying is why doesnt he follow you --- for me nothing is more important than our relationship ---- best wishes

Answer 7

How many people do you know personally who are involved in an "open" relationship? Any man who gives you the freedom to date others "with his knowledge" is NOT that into you.

You are very young compared to your current boyfriend. Do you realize that at 18, you have ZERO life experience? You do need time to yourself. Not necessarily to date anyone else, but to discover who you are and who you want to be when you are an adult. Maybe your boyfriend just knows that you will likely form a new relationship with someone once you get a taste of college life. Maybe he just doesn't want you to feel guilty WHEN -- not IF -- you change your mind about your relationship with him. At your age, I know you feel like you know everything. You are so absolutely in love that you can't imagine your life with anyone else. Guess what? If you spend your time in classes and doing things that you enjoy on your own or with friends, then you will be growing and changing. When you graduate, you will be a different person for those experiences, whether you dated anyone else or not. 18 is not an age to "tie yourself down" to any one particular person.

I think your boyfriend is being unrealistic. He's expecting you to "date" other guys, but still "remain loyal" to him. By giving you "permission to cheat", he is taking control of you, whether you admit it or not.

Any man who offers an open relationship is usually wanting to explore other territory, too.

I'll tell you something very few people know, but I feel is important to answer your question. I had an "open marriage". I and my husband had relationships with people outside our marriage. We thought it brought us closer together, but it actually whittled away at our love and trust in each other. My husband also discovered he preferred men. So, in my case, it ended very badly. Every person I knew in the "lifestyle" ("swingers") had been divorced more than once. EVERY ONE OF THEM. "Open" relationships aren't "relationships" at all. They are just more "exciting" and "daring" and "different".

If it is really meant for you and this guy who is 12 years older than you are to be together, it will happen regardless of the changing you undergo during your time at college. But, I want you to know something: even if things DON'T work out with you and your current boyfriend, that doesn't mean that you aren't lovable. Have patience and just enjoy your college experience. It's a fun time of learning new things in classes and about your own wants and needs. Take the time to get to know yourself. You'll find it is worth it in the end. So many people are so afraid of being "alone" that they don't even try to get to know themselves...they spend their time trying to be what someone else wants.


An "open" relationship is not what you need. You just need to distance yourself from this man for a while. Don't be afraid of being alone. Anyone who isn't comfortable with him or herself is not attractive to others. Do yourself a favor and give yourself a chance to grow. If you hold on to what you think you want NOW, you won't become the person you have the possibility of becoming in your future.

Answer 8

Open relationships are like long distance, they fail more and are a disaster waiting to happen. If you both love each other, then why tempt fate. Stay together and keep what you've got. lol.

Answer 9

He is suggesting it so that HE can see other people, honey. Don't be a schmuck.

I think you should BOTH date other people. You're too young to be tied to one guy, especially if you are away from one another.

Answer 10

Just stay open to possibilities, at 18 you should explore a little more, just don't close yourself off at 18.