Boyfriend argues with my kids...?

Question

I REALLY love my boyfried. A lot. I've been divorced for 2 years and have 2 kids. He practically lives at my house. Not only does he contantly bicker with my kids, but he gets on them for stupid little things and all it does is cause more chaos and tension. It is worse when we are with his family because I think he is trying to act "authoritative" like he has something to prove. It makes me really uncomfortable because he'll tell me something they are doing, and then I feel like I have to discipline them, even when I don't agree with it. But if I don't, then his family members look at me like "what are you going to do about it" My kids aren't bad, they are normal kids, sometimes hyper, sometimes mouthy, but not out of control by any means. I've talked to him about it, but it just keeps happening. I will not put him in front of my kids, he treats us very well and I love him.

Answer 1

But you are putting him in front of your kids because you're saying he treats you all well, but him being there is causing a lot of chaos and tension. PUT YOUR KIDS FIRST!!! You are so lucky to have them!!

Answer 2

This is so funny because I have the same father that's like your boyfriend.

As a kid, I hated my father for always picking up on the itty bitty things that annoyed him, rather than just relaxing and enjoying life. It caused a lot of stress on me and him as well. I'm sure the kids know that your bf is not their father, and that they listen to him still though. But the worse thing that can happen is that your kids build up this animosity towards him and that every conversation they have ends up with ppl being mad at each other.

Sit down and have a talk with your husband about relaxing when situations arise. I have this absolute theory that my father just likes being authoritative for some reason (maybe because he was the baby of the family) and that if your husband has this same trait, that he just needs to relax about situations. It could be OCD as well, as my father always corrects things that are crooked while I try to tell him to just let it go. So basically, just tell him to let go sometimes. Your kids will learn that he's not always a hardass and everything will be good in the family.

Hope that helped.

Answer 3

You said that he practically lives at your house, hopefully he won't because he's abusing your kids, as you may know there's not only physical abuse, also mental abuse.
There are so many things you need to consider; first discipline or the way you raise your kids are only you and their father' concern, by no means your boyfriend or his family.
Also, is there a chance they acting this way because your boyfriend is taking attributes only a father could take?
You love your boyfriend but first should be your kids and living in a loving home, you think he has the right to come to your house and disturb their peace?
Be careful how far you let him go, what he's doing is just a little taste of what can happen if he moves in with you for good. You see the red signs, use your brain and don't forget your kids need your protection.

Answer 4

Maybe you think your kids are OK, but obviously he and his family do not. You two are simply seeing the same situation but in two different ways. Maybe you should look to see if your kids are purposely giving him a hard time! Have you looked to see if maybe he grew up in a very strict household and maybe the kids need to be on perfect behavior around his family instead of good behavior. Maybe his family asks him why he's dating a loser that can't control her kids every time you let them get away with something around his family. You never know what kind of pressure is coming from his family - maybe they have told him to stop coming over when you and the kids are with him, he may be trying to get the kids to act perfect so that you cal all pretend to be one big fake happy family........either way there is some honest communicating that needs to be done in your relationships

As for the punishing your kids - you have allowed it...if you don't want someone punishing your kids don't let it happen in the first place. Also, think about how ge feels...you have been together two years and you still don't trust his judgement.....he is probably just trying to do what he thinks will be best for the kids....in most cases he doesn'y want to harm them, but to simply pick up where the one single parent has failed...not saying you are not a good mother, but parents tend to not see what their kids are really like. If it wasn't for my step-dad punishing me a catching me at everything I would probably be living on the streets hooked on drugs, or living in a triler with 5 kids by different daddies that dss keeps taking away from me. Make sure they know they are loved and make sure they are mature enough to function in the real world and sit back and really look at whats going on in your house/relationships.

Answer 5

its hard when you are put in this situation and don't know what to do believe me this has happened to me and if he cant let you be the mother of your kids and do what you have been doing even when he wasn't around then he doesn't respect you or your kids. he might be a loving guy and means well but he isn't understand that those are your kids and you deal with then the way you choose to and if he doesn't like it then he can hit the road. don't force yourself to tell your kids something when you normally don't on certain situations. don't let your love for him ruin what you got with your kids. so talk to him again and tell him exactly how you feel about the situation and what you want done. give him time to change and if he still doesn't let you be the mother and still argues with the kids then you really need to move on. it will be hard but it will be best for the kids. hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 6

Two red flags: he constantly bickers with your kids.... and you say "it makes me really uncomfortable". Go with your gut feelings. Your kids are depending on you to protect them from the world.
Both your boyfriend and your kids are wanting your attention and may be jealous of the other taking your time. Kids grow up so fast...enjoy them while you can.
If this guy really likes you, he will grow up and treat your kids like the special people they are.
I am hoping your statement of 'he treats us very well' doesn't mean he buys you and them things. NO thing is worth more than the emotional and physical protection of your kids.

Answer 7

Wow i am soooo surprised at your situation as its the SAME EXACT thing that hapenned to me.

I am 15 years old and when my mom started dating my now step dad 6 years ago everything was GREAT!! They were both happy etc. Then he started living with us... and all hell broke loose.At first he just nitpicked a few things. Then as time went on he nitpicked EVERYTHING my brothers and I did and basically convinced my mom that we were out of control kids. I SWEAR we were NOTHING of the sort. HE would get on us about EVERYTHING like accidently leaving bath water on the floor after a shower, or accidently spilling something that we were drinking. He really was AWFUL to be around. Then my mom got pregnant and they got married 2 years later. Now that he has his own kids he sets us to a double standard against them. Basically my brothers and i dont like him at all and my mom kind of regrets marrying him because of his out of control need to nitpick and critisize everything people do in the house. I really think that you need to tell your BF that he needs to stop and that YOU discipline your kids and YOU will decide what they can and cant do and what is not acceptable. If he doesnt reinquish his hold then its time to move on. NEVER put your BF before your kids like my mom did. Because of that we dont have that great of a relationship... there is a lot of resentment.

Oh you said he treats you guys very well?? So does my step dad and he finds ways to throw it in our faces and uses the power that HE BUYS EVERYTHING to have all the power.

This needs to be corrected now or there is NO HOPE for a happy family. Our houes is always fighting because of him and his nitpicking and controling. I really hate him for it. Usually my mom has to DEFEND her kids everyday for just being kids while he b*itches and moans.

Answer 8

i was married to a man who was not the father of my children, and he didn't have the freedom to correct them or argue with them because it wasn't his RESPONSIBLITY to parent them -- he had his own kids.

if i wasn't home, of course, the kids had to abide by his rules.

my husband respected my kids FIRST, and they, in turn, respected him. it wasn't that difficult.

a man who argues with children probably doesn't have the emotional capacity to relate to them as an adult.... and he seems to be nit-picking. perhaps he learned this behavior from his parents, or perhaps he's simply a dim wit.

i guess he has a lot to learn and needs to GROW UP!

if this is causing a big problem for you, and you aren't able to come to some agreement about the boyfriend's behaviors, i guess you will have no choice but to move on.

i am sure your kids are normal, not bad at all.... most kids are delightful to be around!

take care and i hope you get some good answers here.

Answer 9

Your kids need you to protect them from the world. "Some guy"who is not their dad is practically living in their house and telling them what to do??!?! ...And now he is getting mommy to take his side as well and turning her against us. I guess this stranger is more important to mommy then we are... and maybe that's why daddy left too.. Because we're not good enough...

Can you see where this is going? Your kids should ALWAYS come first. You are their world until they grow up and can take care of themselves. Sorry, but there is no responsibility greater than a parent's to their kids.

Answer 10

me myself would sit down with him again and let him know how im feeling your right your kids will be there when hes not i would tell him to let you do all the descipling until you are sure that hes not picking you say he love you but you are a package deal kids are going to be kids but do you want your kids to grow up and say that you let him say whatever he wanted to them if your kids arent happy then there is a problem and you need to decide if your gonna keep letting him talk crazy to them boys do need to be desciplined alot more than others so i can see why you feel this way let him do what he do but when he get out of hand thats when you put down your foot and i would by no means say something to my kids because of what his family will think who are they suppossed to be his family your kids are your family make sure they know that they come first