Girlfriend Help?

Question

So my girlfriend has been hurt a lot in the past and hasn't learn to trust me (understandable). She isn't controlling or anything, but she does mention that she is suprised I still like her after all she has told me, and thinks that at any moment I could just leave her.

I tell her that I love her (which I do), I remind her of how special she is and how beautiful she is on the inside and out and that I never want to leave. (infact I pray to God everynight that she'd be the one I'd marry), but she still is paranoid about this, and never fully opens up.

I know this needs time and it has only been three months, and trust me, if I had to I would wait till im 89 if it took that long for her to realize it. But what are some ideas or things I could do to make her randomly feel special?

Parrot~ lol she was my bestfriend before this lol, so i know a lot about her

Answer 1

From a woman who has also been mistreated before i met my husband, i would suggest that you do the little things they are the ones that count. Like buying her flowers and little cards that let you know that you are thinking about her. That is what my husband of 4 yrs. did and still does and let me tell you he has really helped me to come out of my shell. I trust him completely. Also stay consist.. That is a major thing.

Answer 2

Chris@Beach the best thing you can probably do at present is be there for her. Listen to her when she tells you things and pay attention to what is being said. If she has been burnt in the past it will certainly take some time to gain trust that these sorts of things aren't going to reoccur in this relationship also. It's difficult to try and explain that she need not feel threatened or worry about things in your relationship but it will come along in time. Because after all time is the greatest healer there is. Sounds from what you have explained that you are being supportive so continue this and attempt to make her feel special, trusted, respected and safe within the relationship. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 3

This sounds like my boyfriend when we first started dating. He had been hurt in the past and had a hard time opening up at first. I was very patient with him and understanding. I made sure that I reassured him often of my feelings for him, like at least daily if not more.

The best thing will probably be time, she has to know in the long run that she can count on you. If she has been hurt in the past be careful about random things, she might read something into them like you are cheating so you buy her things. But do nice things for her...like if she likes to go out to eat, take her somewhere interesting. Make sure you call her often, but not too often, at least once a day. If she likes to read, get her a nice book. Take her on a picnic in the park.

Spending time together will really help her to become comfortable and to realize that you are a good guy and that you will always be there for her.

Answer 4

Now what I am telling you to do, you will have to continue doing this or she will flip out....Get into the habit of telling her where you are, where you are going and who you are going to be with. Hearing this will ease any anxiety that she might have about you being out with the boys. Also give her a call while you are out to let her know you are thinking of her. Start leaving her little sticky notes with cute quotes or sayings all over. In her car, on the fridge, on the bathroom mirror etc....Little reminders that let her know you care. Send her flowers every week to her job or send them to her house. Plan a special day of the month where you take her somewhere out of the ordinary. Give her foot and back massages every day. Run her bath water. I could go on and on honey. Like you said give her time. The key is to SHOW her how much you care and how trustworthy you are. Good Luck sweetie.

Answer 5

Dude, I am in the exact same situation. My girl has been hurt many times before, and she is just so scared that I'll find someone else, or leave her. It's a self esteem issue as well as a self image issue. She most likely thinks very poorly of herself, or even her self image (may think she's fat, ugly, or just not that attractive) this is because she has been hurt, she thinks it's something wrong with her now, rather than the ******* that have hurt her.
Really, there's not much you can do except praise her in public, in front of your friends and family - show her that you aren't ashamed of her even with all the stuff she's told you about her and about her past...
every night, tell her you love her, and tell her that she's the love of your life....
Good luck, and just never give her any reason to worry (ALWAYS answer your phone, and never have any girls that you are friends with that she doesn't know about)

Answer 6

I think your doing all you can, she just needs some time. Just because she has been hurt in the past doesn't mean she shouldn't trust you, this is a different relationship. I'm sure if you stick with it and show her how much you care just by being there she will know just what a great guy you are and what a lucky girl she is. Good luck.......have you got a brother just like you lol x

Answer 7

what a sweetheart of a man u are! Your gf has a self esteem issue brought on from the past and she is a delicate flower in your hand so the best thing you could give her is love w/o strings attached, give her time, compliment her, encourage her to love and believe in herself as u do. This can be done by allowing her to grieve her loss and pain, forgive and heal little by little until her heart is more whole than it is now. What I learned is that once I went to church, accepted the Lord in my heart, became a church member, volunteered regularly I learned to accept the Love that God has for us so I could learn to Love others in the same sense. I encourage you both to seek the same if you currently don't. Good Luck! Gina

Answer 8

She must be NOT over something yet. That's why she still feel apart and not trusting things anymore.
As you said, it needs time. What only you can do is to be patient and let her know that you will be there for her ALL the time and that she will find your shoulder when she needs to. Feeling safe is the MAIN thing the girl is usually looks for with the guy... Give her alot of hugs... Hugging is sth wonderfull in such cases...
Good luck..

Answer 9

Tell her that you understand what she is going through... but that you dont like being treated as if you were one of those guys that hurt her.

Tell her, "I want to the be the one that you trust not to hurt you. I want to be the one that you know will always love you. I want you be able to let go of the past when you are with me. I love you, I have always loved you, and always will continue to love you."

Do something silly, like go buy her a little fake ring and tell her that this is so everybody else looks at your finger and knows you are with the coolest guy ever, and he is a rich man, and gives his girl everything, even the most expensive ring ever!"

Its cheesy, but if it comes from the heart... then she will cherish it forever.

Answer 10

Time is the only way she will learn to trust. If you can prove this to her she will eventually come through. Dont push her or ask her about it just let her realize it herself. When she deams you are trustworthy she will let go of her fears. Be patient.