The problem is that when I asked him to be my best man, I told him, "Don't worry about buying a present. Let your tux rental [$75] be your present." He heeded my advice, and all went well.
He and his fiancee are holding a wedding about 10 times bigger than the one I had, and as best man, I am of course getting my own tux. It will cost me twice what his did 5 years ago, about $150, and we have not discussed the matter further.
However, I have also received the formal invitation from the bride's parents, showing where they are registered, which makes me think I'm expected to buy a gift as well. I don't want to be known as the cheap best man, but I'm not thrilled about spending over $200 when my friend spent $75. From an etiquette standpoint, what's the best way to approach this?
2007-08-03 08:47:02 · 12 answers · asked by James P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
From an etiquette standpoint, you should buy a gift. You are the one who told him not to buy you a gift at your wedding but he has not said the same.
2007-08-03 08:51:12 · answer #1 · answered by veesmom 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If there are having a much bigger wedding, they will be showered in plenty of gifts. The tux can be your present to him but you could also do something small to show your happiness for him. Perhaps an inexpensive bottle of wine in a pretty bag. From an etiquette standpoint, the bride's parents should not have included where the couple was registered...weddings are celebrations not solicitations for gifts. My maid of honor could barely afford to pay for gas because of her unpaid internship - of course I wasn't upset she couldn't afford a gift - it was her friendship and support I valued, not an extra $50.
2007-08-03 08:59:21 · answer #2 · answered by Mel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not about what your friend spent on your wedding. You got married 5 years ago, times have changed. I assume you are making more money than you did 5 years ago. However, if you are having difficulty paying for things like the tux and bachelor party tell your firend. If you are as good of friends as you should be he will understand. However, if it is not a financial problem, you should buy a gift. It does not need to be expensive but you should get them something.
At my wedding all of the attendants in our wedding brought a gift (my maid of honor had financial problems so I helped pay for her dress); however, she still gave me a small gift so I would always have something to remind me of her.
2007-08-03 09:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by randomcobweb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, you aren't "returning the favor" you are being honored by the groom. He values you about all his other friends and family members to he his go-to-guy on the most important day of his life. You should feel flattered, and stop keeping score on who does more for whom. Don't mention the extra cost of the tux to your friend (being 5 years later it is bound to cost more, plus it would be pretty tacky for you to say so) and after that expense, if a gift is out of your budget, just say so. He'll understand, and I'm sure the pleasure of your company is all the gift he really cares about.
2007-08-05 20:51:36 · answer #4 · answered by missbeans 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you told him not to buy you a wedding gift, you yourself made this decision and you should not expect that from him? Why would you? I always try to visit my friends and family in the hospitals and when I do, I bring flowers. Well, when I had to spend 2 days and 1 night at the hospital no body showed up but my fiance! That's life.
You made a conscious decision when told him not to buy you a gift.
2007-08-03 08:55:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the etiquette staind point, you are supposed to receive an invitation mostly so you have some momento from the wedding. You got the standard invitation which contains everything including where they are registered.
You are expected to rent your tux but you are not expected to give a gift.
2007-08-03 08:54:39 · answer #6 · answered by Dimitar A 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should buy a gift but it doesn't have to be $200+, around $50 is good enough. I always think a set of nice picture frames are thoughful because the bride and groom can put pcitures from their wedding in them.
2007-08-03 09:03:30 · answer #7 · answered by Please don't stop the music! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just choose a lovely gift for the couple. Who said you have to spend 200?
2007-08-03 10:34:45 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could get him a cheap gift that could represent an inside joke between you two. Presents that mean something, and are cheap, always mean more than an expensive gift. Good luck though, That's a tough choice!
2007-08-03 08:53:36 · answer #9 · answered by Midian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
stop comparing ur wedding to his is the first step. granted its more expensive bc it was 5 yrs ago so u need to accept that. maybe ur a more generous person than he is. are u not wanting to buy him the gift bc its too expensive and u cant afford it or bc ur being cheap? i think u should just buy him something small if u cant afford it and wait for him to bring this up with u as you brought it up with him for the wedding.
2007-08-03 09:23:03 · answer #10 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋