Differences in Being in a Relationship and Being Married?

Question

I have been living with my fiance for 4 years. We share everything, including the bank account/finances.
We live like an old married couple and have for the past 4 years.

I want to marry him, but I completely disagree with the fact things are going to take a drastic change when we exchange vowels, we plan on going back to the same life we left.

Will things take a drastic change besides just being legally binded and having the same last name??????

I tend to think NO!

I really appreciate everyone's wonderful, heartfelt answers, etc.
It seems like everyone has a good head on their shoulders EXCEPT LYDIA!! She has a lot of growing up to do.
Well Thanks:)

Answer 1

Getting married should be about a commitment your making to your significant other. A commitment for life, and that shouldn't change your relationship but make it more meaningful. There are many advantages to being married, rather than being a couple that lives together. Would it change your relationship? It shouldn't. The day after your wedding feels just like the day before it! You have a ring on your finder and a marriage certificate now, and that's all. Yet you added something to your relationship that hasn't been there before, a formal promise to be with each other , respect and honor each other for the rest of your lives! Being married is beautiful, if you are with the right person that is. Since your lived together for 4 years now, there shouldn't be any doubts in your mind, you wont know anyone better than that!

Answer 2

What changes will depend on your attitudes.

If either of you believe that once you have wedding bands on, you now somehow own the other person's soul, rights, and future lock stock and barrel, you'll be likely to take the other person for granted and not treat them as well.

If you believe that having a lifetime vow and certificate means that you must live up to a higher standard for concern, care and sharing with your partner, you'll be likely to treat the other person better and take more time to weather any storms that come up.

If you believe that having a lifetime vow and certificate means you are "trapped" you'll probably develop a relationship that has some real problems.

Things have a definite potential for being exactly the same, for going uphill or going downhill - but what they do in real life is completely dependent on what attitude the two of you have.

Does he believe it's going to take a drastic change? If so, which of these ways does he believe it's going to change, and why? This might point to a place where your two attitudes disconnect, that would be a good place to focus on working on before exchanging vows.

Answer 3

Not at all. At least mine didn't. My husband and I had known each other for 9 years, been dating most of that time, lived together for a year before we got married--so after all that, marriage did not have any big drastic surprises. It's the same relationship it was before--but what I noticed the biggest difference is how people treat you. Now you are respectable. Before at work functions, they didn't invite me or the wives kinda ignored me, as if the very next function I might not be around at. Now I'm his wife. When you tell people its your boyfriend, there is a certain young sound to it. Your husband has a commitment, a permanence, a level of security that made people seem to treat you differently.

After you exchange "vows", it will be the same--since you already know the finances, who does what in the household, and if he snores/squeezes the toothpaste from the middle. I think it really changes for people that didn't know each other that well and end up with conversations they never thought of or couples that had never lived with each other beforehand.

Answer 4

What changes is the legality of your relationship. You can have the same health insurance, it's easier buying large items like a car or house, and if something happened, like a death (God forbid) you have a say in how his things are handled.

As far as emotional and life changes, things will stay the same, though I know some married people who lived together before marriage swear that everything changes. It just depends on the couple.

I live with my boyfriend and we're getting married in November. Even though we don't share bank accounts (I'm strictly opposed to sharing legal stuff before marriage) we live like a married couple already. I don't think much will change until we have kids, but you never know. You just have to roll with the punches.

Answer 5

Relationships change when you get married. There are societal pressures of roles and expectations, etc. that the married couple cannot predict, despite their long engagement or dating period.

I've been married 15 years to a wonderful man but things really are different now that we're married...things just don't change the moment vows are exchanged....they grow in some areas and ebb in others over time.

Also - it's normal for these changes to happen and nothing to worry about; just knowing to expect things to change makes change easier!

Thinking things will stay the same will be detrimental to your marriage. Don't go into marriage with blinders on expecting everything to be the same; especially if you decide to have children.

Answer 6

Trust me when I say this... It will not change a thing. My husband and I were friends for about 6 months and then started dated. After about 6 months we started to live together. We shared everything from bank accounts to bills, to rent, to even putting each other as beneficiaries on our life insurance policies. We got married March 16th 2006 and are still happy as ever, sharing everything. If you budget right, money will not be an issue. If you work together, then you have less arguments. Just remeber that your love for each other is what keeps the relationship together. I hope this helps a little. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

I hate to burst your bubble, but you think wrong. Having done both I can honestly say that the piece of paper does make a difference. The level of commitment is completely different and it does change things. This deeper commitment brings some people much closer and drives some apart. It's very easy to live with someone for years, inertia keeps you there. Making it legal and saying the vows takes it to a whole other level.

Answer 8

We had our first child after 5 years and married after 10 (just this year) and for me, I agree with you, hasn't changed a thing. We didn't need to stand up in front of people and say how we feel about each other. We didn't need a bit of paper (which may I add I have no idea where it is! lol) to say we would be together forever (though how long is forever!) etc etc. It is up to the individuals to make sure that nothing changes. Good luck.....you get some quite good prezzies though!! lol

Answer 9

I was with mine for 5 years before we got married. Nothing changed but my last name, he got on my insurance and we get a tax right off for being married.
Ask him what he thinks will change. Maybe he just has an absolute fear of commitment

Answer 10

Wow...we could have had mirror circumstances before our wedding. I was with my now husband for exactly four years six months and one day (I have no idea why that always rings in my head...LOL!) before we got married.

I had wanted to marry him way sooner in the relationship but he was married before and was scared. We lived together just like a married couple, just like you even down to the bank accounts.

And then in 2005 we got married and guess what changed....NOTHING! Actually that is a lie....my last name changed. (Well sorta...I just hyphened it...LOL)

Actually I thought it wonderful that I could call him my husband...and seeing him with a ring on his finger to this day makes my heart do a little skip...but nothing in our relationship changed. There were no secrets. I knew what it was like living with him so there were no surprises there either.

I sometimes joke with him that his Porsche was now legally half mine. But seriously...nothing changed for me drastic or otherwise.

Good luck to you! I wish you lots of love, laughter and happiness!

:)