My boyfriend and I have been living together for about 4 months, and lately I feel like we act more like roomates than significant others. When we get home from work, we're tired. I'll make dinner, and we used to make an effort to eat at the table, but now it's just easier to sit in front of the tv. The rest of the night is spent in front of the tv, him watching, me reading. I miss talking and chatting with him, but he always complains that since he talks all day at work, the last think he wants to do at home is talk. He also plans times to hang out with his friends during the week. I don't mind that at all, in fact, I relish my time at home alone. I just wish we could make more of an effort doing special things together too. It's like now that we live together, we don't have to make an effort to do anything fun or different. We're in a rut, and I've tried talking to him about it, but he just thinks I'm being a nag. Help! What do I do?
2007-08-03 04:49:02 · 22 answers · asked by missy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am usually one who would recommend not moving in together until marriage, but since you now know what to expect, here is my advice.
First off, I am 47, on my second marriage of 13 years, the first lasted 12 years, and I have 4 children ranging from 18 to 26. So consider this fatherly advice and take it for what you will.
It is so easy to fall into the t.v. trap after a hard day at work. I think a lot of us do. The answer to this is effort on the part of both individuals. Granted, it sounds like more effort will be made of your boyfriend, however, nothing, and I do mean nothing stops a man faster than being nagged at. Men are wired very strangely. For all the gusto we pretend to have, we need assurance and support from our wives (in your case girlfriend). Also, doing and planning different things during the course of the week can help. These can range from bowling to church to volunteering. The list is endless. If you have a committment to something a couple of times a week, it is hard to veg in front of the t.v.
If after a thorough examination of your relationship and where it is going, if it isn't working, it is o.k. to end it. That is what dating is all about. Find out who you are best suited with. That way marriage can be more permanent than what we see today--and yes I am a living example of not waiting for the "right" person in the beginning.
I wish you well.
2007-08-03 05:07:10 · answer #1 · answered by william 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to marriage. Unfortunately living together does certainly take some of the spark out of a relationship. Unavoidably you see each other daily and you get to find your significant others "quirks" not so likable anymore. The best way to get out of the rut that you seem to be in is to find things you can both do and enjoy. Do you both like to ride bikes, exercise together, play chess, watch foreign movies to discuss later. A relationship takes work and nagging won't change things. It is better to plan things (unfortunately it is mostly the woman's job to make the plans because they will not). Try to plan date nights and make time for each other as well as apart from each other. Sitting in front of the TV is enticing but a big no no in my book. My husband and I eat dinner together and find this time to talk about the day's events. If the TV comes on, which inevitably it does sometimes at least once a week, the conversations stop and that comfortable silence takes over. Take charge of your relationship and you will see that making small changes will change everything.
2007-08-03 11:57:51 · answer #2 · answered by Jane Barleycorn 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There are so many reasons for not moving in together before marriage. This is just one of them.
I feel for you because you are going to hurt as if though you were "divorcing" if this relationship doesn't work out. However, you won't be going through a divorce therefore won't have (as much) the support of your friends and you won't be getting any financial help to move out and stuff.
I would say move out or have him move out and try to work it out while you are NOT living together. If the relationship goes nowhere you won't lose as much.
Before making the same mistake again, always remember the old yet true saying, "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?"
Don't expect your boyfriend to treat you like a wife, when you aren't a wife. Also, he sounds very immature.
2007-08-03 12:58:49 · answer #3 · answered by Jenn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's not the right guy for u. Moving in together shows what ur future will be like. If he's hard to talk to and doesnt like to do special things with u anymore. Imagine living the rest of ur life with this person, and this is only the first 4 months. Whats in it for u? Think hard and long if this is the guy u really want to be with for a long time. At least you moved in together b4 u got married.
2007-08-03 12:02:17 · answer #4 · answered by Sara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your boyfriend may be too accustomed to you living together already. If I were you, I would set a night aside to make a romantic dinner, nice bath with candles, etc to talk to him about this in a different atmosphere so it doesn't come off as nagging. Also I don't know how much time you guys are spending apart, but a girl/guys night or day out can always be good too and that means for U too, and make you appreciate your time together more.
2007-08-03 11:55:12 · answer #5 · answered by natasha_526_tx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 months is very short time to be acting that way. Believe your guts feelings, lady, if you feel as as if he's a roommate only, it's because it's true. He has time and energy to hang out with his friends, but not to hang out with you hmmmmm, I sincerely think that the magic in your relationship is over, boredom is ruling it, that you both made a mistake moving in.This has the potential to cause more hurting, so move out of there, -alone-, and if you cannot live alone, look for a real roomate,and be patient, someday mr. right will appear in your life, a man who will value you as a woman, and be able to commit to you. You're a commodity for the guy you're living with: don't waste your time and energies. Good luck!
2007-08-03 12:12:03 · answer #6 · answered by Idon'tlivehere 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like a very unfair relationship! I can see that you're really working at it and there's not a lot more you can do; now it's time for your boyfriend to pull his finger out. Regardless of what's happened at work, he should ALWAYS make room for you. Does he ever take you out? Is he ever romantic? I suggest discussing with him how you feel - if he accuses you of being a 'nag' again, I would advise giving him an ultimatum: Either he starts showing you a bit more respect, or it's over! Best of luck. (:
2007-08-03 11:54:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try an make a day once a week or twice a month where you and him can have a date night and do something fun together. Try it, see if this works for ya.
2007-08-03 11:53:06 · answer #8 · answered by ranger33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plan a "spontaneous" date out on the town or at the movies. Go out to dinner the key is to spend time together away from the house..Believe me it worked for me!
2007-08-03 11:53:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me when me and my fiance first moved in together. What I did was started doing things on my own, like take a dance class or work out, get together with my girls. With my absence, he would be home seeing how his life was so boring without me! we started doing more things together. I even got him to go to the market with me!
2007-08-03 12:09:02 · answer #10 · answered by Lia jones 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋