How long does appreciation have to be expressed?

Question

I am having a family dellima. My ex-husband and I have recently remarried. My daughter (9yo) and I lived in a house next to my mother and my grandparents. They have been very helpful through the years. I frequently expressed thanks. I did things for them to help out. I mowed everyones yard and did some weedeatting. Watched my moms dogs, checked on my grandmother when I was off ect......I sat at home and did nothing but be the best mom I could be and go to work. I have always loved my ex husband. We were young and got mixed up with drugs. That is the main reason we divorced. We have both matured, cleaned up, and work. When we got married my family told me to move out. This is my home and my daughters home for 4yrs. My mother told me the house was mine but not the land in case I went back to my ex. Now she is taking that back. My whole family tells me "You never appreciate anything we do for you". How do you show appreciation and how long are you suppose to be indebpted

Answer 1

They arent seeing the appreciation and probably never will. So quit trying. Some people see what they want to see.

Answer 2

From what I read of your question, you showed appreciation throughout all the time you lived there. You are NOT supposed to made to feel that you are indebted to them.

Even though you love your house, perhaps you do need to move away, to have a fresh start with your now-not-ex-husband, and your child. It takes a lot of growing up to get beyond a tough past, and with a child to be a role model to...I gotta give you kudos, you and your husband are doing that.

But perhaps you also need to speak with your mother and grandparents. Perhaps they don't see the new-improved-husband, but rather the drug-addicted- exhusband, and have yet to get over those images and memories. They also may have fallen into the subconscious mode of being your savior, to help you out, but in a way they also expect you to cater to them. I would still move away, if anything to give everyone space.

And good luck.

Answer 3

i see the frustration you have. from your perspective, you feel as if you have given so much, continuously given your part in the family, and yet they do not understand you when you remarry. Since I do not know the complete situation and being caught up with their specific behaviors and attitudes would be useless, try switching your paradigm, or attempt to switch theirs. And the languages of appreciation you are sending out may be incomprehensible to your family, although to you it may seem absolutely unable to be ignored. Try to understand what matters most to their perception and appeal through those channels. It is also extremely respectful of you to be able to deal with the situation so calmly and wisely. So think less in the direction of how long appreciation needs to be expressed, since if it is not effective, it will not be efficient either.

As a start, observe how certain members of your family express their gratitude and thanks. Some may prefer to treat people to a dinner out, some may chose to spend extra time, others may plan for a surprise or gift to be delivered. By fully understanding waht they value most, it may perhaps make the communication between you and your family smoother.

I know it may be hard to do, but do not be frustrated with your mom. You will work things out. Best of wishes.

Answer 4

your family is apparently used to being in "control" and making decisions for others -- i have to wonder about people like this.

if you were my daughter, and if i wasn't happy about your reconciliation with the ex, i surely would keep my mouth shut and let you life your life.. it's YOURS to live, not theirs.

and your living in that house, shouldn't come with conditions like this... it's not normal or right at all.

it seems as if you and your husband are working in the right direction and improving your lives, and you should be commended for such an achievement, NOT punished.

saying "thank you" is enough.. helping others out when it takes YOUR productive time away, isnt' necessary... it's nice to help but don't work yourself to death... you really need to do things for YOU too....

and the thinks you do to show your appreciation are not looked upon as a "thank you" by your family, from what you say here.

if it were me, i'd make other living arrangements as soon as i could... if it takes you a few months to save and move out, well, it does... you family is just going to have to wait until you have the means to move out.

hon, take care of YOU... you deserve good things.

Answer 5

good that u remarried
ur family are afraid on u, they dont want u to be hurt again, if they really told u to leave the home then leave it, and live anywhere with ur lovely husband and kids

BUT always keep good relation between u and ur family, tell ur kids good stuff about their grandparents, and send ur kids to their grandpa home from time to time, try hardly to gain their love