My son is in boot camp and I have a serious?

Question

question. He is writing to us telling us that what the recruiters told him is NOT what is going to really happen with him. He is 18 years old. My husband wants to go talk to the recruiter and see if he can straighten it out. I'm telling him NOT to do that because my son would be punished even more so if his parents get involved. Am I right? Can you PLEASE give me some insight into this so I can explain to my husband what could happen if the parents get involved. They're trying to make men out of these boys and I understand. I've heard stories. Can any of you share any similar experiences (either positive or negative) if a parent gets involved in this stuff? Thank a bunch.

some of the answers here make it seem like the question wasn't read. I do not WANT to nor do I think it's a good idea to get involved. I'm writing this to show my husband that it isn't a good idea to get involved.

My son just "mentioned" this in his letter - he is not asking us to help him - he was just updating us that he's not going to be doing what was promised. He's tough -- he is sucking it up - he KNEW it wasn't going to be easy. He's not ASKING for our help.

HE IS NOT LOOKING TO GET OUT OF THE NAVY OR BOOT CAMP.....I NEVER SAID THAT....

Answer 1

My son left for basic in July and is in the Army and is also 18, so I understand the feelings that you have. Here's my take on it.

My son chose to be an adult and signed a contract. As an adult, he can no longer rely on mommy and daddy to bail him out. It is up to him to straighten out his own problems. This doesn't mean that I won't be there to help him and support him in any way that I can, but I have to respect that he is an adult now. Besides, he wouldn't want me involved in his business.

The Army views your son as a man. He signed a contract, not you. There is nothing that you can do for your son at this point...he needs to step up and do what needs to be done for himself by himself. There is nothing that you can do that would help him at this point anyway, except maybe postpone the reality of what being an adult means.

It's hard to realize that your child is grown up and that he has to learn to fight his own battles. But try...it's for his own good.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

I can't tell you how many times I have heard this story, the quality of recruiter just isn't up there. And I can suggest a course of action but I need the facts ma'am.

The questions that I am curious about:
-Is he doing something that is completely different than his contract, for that matter did your son contract for a specific rating, or is he a non-designated seaman.
-Are you positive that it isn't just a misunderstanding. Before you are in the Navy you don't understand what you are doing and most of us sign the paperwork anyway. When you get to bootcamp it gets worse because it is not the "real" navy and you have such a small piece of the picture.
-Did you son contract for a field? When a person contracts for a field like AECF, they can be re-classified inside of that field as the navy dictates. There is only one noted exception to the rule of enlisting into a field, but its has to deal with a very specific job.

If you can get me some more information on the situation I may be able to help. I still have a friend that works in a recruiting district that may be able to help me with some information.

Answer 3

Okay, this is silly. Your son is a man now. Your husband needs to let him be a man.

1. Talking to the recruiter would not resolve any issues. Although it may result in a heated argument, and police involvement, depending on your husband's character.

2. Talking to the recruiter also would not result in any "punishment" for your son.

3. Recruiters lie. Everyone knows this. If your son didn't know this, then he didn't research his decision very thoroughly.

4. Don't get involved. Why did your son join the military in the first place? Maybe, it was to get away from parents who wouldn't let him live his own life. Just an observation with that one. I joined when I was 19. I remember what it's like. And actually, even if you try to get involved, there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do. Like I said, your son is a man. Let him fight his own battles now. Once you sign on the dotted line, you cannot do anything to undo that. He is committed, 100%, and it will be a good experience for him.

Answer 4

Recruiters are notorious for bait and switch tactics. The fact is that your son is of legal age and if it isnt written in his enlistment contract, then it isnt going to happen. If he is dissastisfied with what is occuring he can take an unsuitable for service discharge while still in basic and get out. As far as parental interference with the matter, BAD IDEA. First he is an adult and should be able to handle this matter on his own and the military has no obligation to the parents to change things to suit you. Only the servicemember has the right to question or object to the situation. Legally, the military cant even discuss his situation with you due to the privacy acts. Second, if you do interfere, they will come down on him like a load of bricks for circumventing the chain of command. My mother made an inquiry when I was in because she thought I should be in college instead of carrying a rifle. She contacted a general and the crap rolled down hill landing firmly in my lap. I got lectured about the chain of command, how people had real jobs and didnt have time for me to go running to mommy because I didnt get my milk and cookies, etc. I was finally told after 30 minutes of dressing down to call home and recify the problem at the source (aka "Muzzle your mother") and dont let it happen again. So dont compound a problem by getting involved in it. Tell him he is an adult and has to deal with his own problems.

Answer 5

OK. First of all, QUIT stereotyping the recruiters. Not all of them are a bunch of dirt-bags. I am not saying your son is doing this, but if things aren't going great for him in boot camp then the first person he will blame is his recruiter. If you sign the contract then you are responsible for what goes down when you join up. Nothing in the military is guaranteed. Also, your son will not be punished if you go talk to his recruiter. There isn't much he can do while in boot camp. It's OK and will not hurt if your husband has a word with his recruiter. It's better to try and say something on your son's behalf than nothing at all. Maybe things aren't going great for him now, but someday when his is shaped into the man he becomes then he will look back and be grateful for the decision HE made to join the military. Yep, no one forced him to join and sign on the dotted line.

Answer 6

hi...

as you've read, it's really not a great idea to try to get involved in this situation. you can, and should, support your soldier. you can, and should, send him encouraging letters and phone cards (which are all you can send him, everything else is contraband in basic). you cannot and should not attempt to run interference. it won't work, first of all. it will impact upon him, second of all.

you didn't mention what the issue is. it's hard to give any meaningful advice without knowing what the actual issue is.

i currently have one son who finished basic about 16 months ago, and is now 'in the sandbox; (iraq ). and i have a daughter and son in law who are also both active duty, as well.

the only thing i can tell you, which might be relevant, is when my son was supposed to graduate from ait, i had made the reservations, and gotten tickets to travel out to his post, for the graduation... and came home one day to a message on the machine that he wasn't going to graduate, and not to come for the ceremony. i was panicked, so i called the post, and wound up speaking with, i believe, one of the sergeants. he was polite, and explained that my son had failed a pt test, and had to retake it, but would not be taking part in the ceremony. i was advised to not try to 'buck the system' and just show up anyway. when my son was allowed to call, he let me know that he had been told that 'mommy was a helicopter - hovering overhead' and that i should get out of the 'no fly zone'. since then, i've managed to NOT give in to my first impulse, which is to 'fix it', since i'm NOT in any chain of command!

email me if you want...

Answer 7

I joined myself when I was 17. If the military recruiters told the truth about what was going to happen, they'd need to reinstate the draft, because most they wouldn't get enough to join voluntarily. I doubt that as parents of an 18 year old, there's anything you can do to change the situation, either to make it better or worse. Boot camp is designed to take a young adult and make them conform to a regimented lifestyle in a very short period of time.

Answer 8

It might help, if you told us, what your son thinks the recruiter told him and what he thinks is different now.

People tend to hear what they want to hear when talking to a recruiter. The recruiter might say you can ask for a specific base, and the person hears, you can get assigned exactly where you want to.

Give us more info on whats going on, then we can determine if you need to get involved or if there is something your son can do to change the situation, or that maybe there is no problem at all.

Answer 9

I had a fantasy in boot camp about going home on leave and waiting out by my recruiter's car at night dressed in uniform, with the ski mask on, and smashing his head on the car a few times.

Tell your husband that talking to the recruiter won't do any good. They'll never even find out about it over at boot camp where your son is. He's a man now so it's out of your hands.

Your son is going to have to handle this himself. He won't be able to do anything until after boot camp. The if he wants to, he can try to make a case about them not living up to their end of the contract, but the chances of winning are very slim.

Look. If your husband wants to go kick the recruiters *** then tell him to go ahead. It will have no effect on your son, whatsoever.

Answer 10

Quite frankly, there is nothing you can do if he has already signed the papers. The Recruiters are protected from truth in advertising laws and are authorized by the military to lie in order to get recruits. basically, they are paid to lie so that people will join.

Pretty much your only hope is to file a court action, but considering the political power of the US military it probably wouldn't' go anywhere.

There are way he can get out immediately though- in fact, some are downright easy. Right now, all he needs to do is claim that he's gay.

And talking /yelling at the recruiter will not get him punished, in fact they problaby won't ever know. They won't care either.