coping anyone? atheists?

Question

one of my family members died in a car wreck about two days ago. my family is pretty tore up by the ordeal. her parents were devastated but managed to cope in the idea that god had her in heaven. so my question is, how do atheists cope with death in their family? " at least she is rotting in the ground". i know some atheist believe in spirituality some do not. how would you the atheist cope?

Answer 1

"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Sahara. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively outnumbers the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds, it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. We privileged few who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at that inevitable return to our prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred?"

~ Richard Dawkins

Answer 2

First, my condolences on your devastating loss. Apparently your religion isn't helping you cope all that well if your family is "pretty torn up" about this. Why would you be if you honestly believed this person is now in heaven?
And, by the way, everyone's body rots in the ground unless it was cremated.
How I, as an atheist, cope is the way I think everyone would find helpful: share happy memories of that person, remember how much you loved him/her and how much that person loved you. As long as someone remembers you, you're not truly dead.
Personally, I find no comfort in fantasy. It's like telling a kid that the dog you had put to sleep is actually living with a family on a farm. Maybe the kid feels better, but it's not the truth.

Answer 3

I'm sorry for your loss. That's a hard experience to deal with. Many people have given you great examples of how they cope with tragic events. You did manage to epitomize the difficulties most atheists face in the real world. I'm not talking about their ability to cope with a loss without believing in a supernatural power. I'm talking about your blatantly horrible remark that we would look at a tragedy and say "at least she is rotting in the ground". That just reaffirms the misconceptions about atheists. I hope some of these good answers will open your mind about what atheists really think and how we feel.

Answer 4

I Just had a very good friend die a few days ago. I have been trying to deal with this exact same issue.

I have always been against religion. I do not know if there is a god, but I find myself asking god (who I dont know is there) why? and, Is he with you? I also find myself mad at god, for taking him away.

I cannot explain why I am asking god because I really dont know if I believe in him. I think it is a comforting thing for me. Im hoping that there is an afterlife or hoping he is in a better place.

In the end, Things like this always challenge your beliefs. No matter what you believe, God, No god, etc.

All it has done for me is make me question if there is a god even more, but also question if I should seek religion for comfort.

Answer 5

I recently had an uncle die and both atheists and theists were torn. We got through the grieving process together. We have memories, keepsakes, friends and family.

Your question is a little crass, and on the same note I could wonder why christians are sad at all considering your family member is now back in heaven living the good life. You should probably throw a party.

Answer 6

When i lost my father i was devastated. Actually he was cremated,not roting in the ground as you say.

The funeral is how i got to say good bye (he died in his sleep), not by trying to use a fantasy to fix my terrible loss.

How dare you imply Christianity makes the death of a loved one easier. We all have different ways to cope. Thinking your loved ones are waiting for you is just one way of coping.

Answer 7

T E Huxley answered it best in his letter to Charles Kingsley. Kingsley had proferred the hope of eternal life to Huxley on the death of his son.

Kingsley's reply is both moving and intelligent (full text in link below). The gist of the reply is that a faith in God may ease troubles but things do not become true just because it would be nice if they were.

Answer 8

I am well up in age, and could die any day. How do I cope, being a non-believer ? I will be in the distant future exactly what I was in the distant past. Common sense tells us all that this is what happens. Religious fairy tales are simply superstitions. I'm realistic.

Answer 9

I have lost friends and pets, never a family member, although my gran is slipping every day into alzheimer's related vegetation.

I have also lost important/life-changing relationships, that feels like death too. Especially if you never see your ex-partnerr again, after years of being together, eating, crying, planning, living, you know.

I feel strong about death. I cried when I lost my friend, I cried when I lost my dog. But I keep the recognition and effect of their love inside me, and that, I feel, is terribly important.

Celebrate the life they had, and the love they gave. If they were cranky bastards then celbrate the humour of that too!

As I go through life I find people who remind me of my friend, or of a particular dog, and it feels like a part of them is living forever. And that is true, because we see similar facets of human nature, even down to mannerism and tiny nuanced behaviours and emotions, these things crop up all around the world to remind us that we are all part of each other.

Whether we spend a lifetime with someone, or a moment, it is THAT glimmer (or gaze) of recognition and shared love/friendship that truly lives. And it lives on. That, to me at least, is an 'eternal life', the cycle of *being*, from dust to dust, the bits inbetween are magical and someone or something will fill at least *some* of our shoes after we die.

Love to you, strength, peace and acceptance.

Answer 10

Grieving is a necessary part in understanding that a loved one is gone forever. It seems weird that someone that has been in your life for so long is no longer there,a nd it takes the human mind time for that to sink in. Once it does you can celebrate that person's life, instead of grieving their death.

As for the afterlife, all my friends and family are good people and I'm not too worried about them if there is judgement on the other side.

Answer 11

I'm an atheist and I've lost several members of my family the closest being my sister and all but one died young. You cry but you cope, you have to. You celebrate their life and the memories they've left you with. And you talk about them.