It's my birthday tomorrow (woo hoo, NOT!) I have bad anxiety so the only people I have to celebrate it with are my family. My mother told me two weeks ago that she is going to a friend's birthday party on the same day as my birthday, and I have to babysit. When I said 'but it's my birthday', she replied and said 'but it's a surprise party and it's important'. Now am I being ungrateful or is this unreasonable? Moreover, my mother has been out everyday this week - she leaves the house before I am even awake and spends the entire day with my grandmother and sisters - and not once has she offered to celebrate it early or later with me. In fact she hasn't even mentioned my birthday. I can't help feeling jealous and upset, but it's like she doesn't have any time for me.
2007-08-03 03:21:31 · 13 answers · asked by charcoalskittles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thanks for all the kind responses. Sometimes I wonder whether I need to grow up, or if she is being unfair. She does this often... though she has never being so dismissive of my birthday, she often goes places with my sisters and doesn't ask me if I want to come (usually she gets out of the house before I even get a chance to get ready to go). My father has been increasingly more hostile towards me too so I think that his influence may have rubbed off on her. Oh well, I guess there is nothing I can do other than accept it. I can't stop her from going out, but the fact that it is only her dance teacher's party makes me feel a bit unimportant! As for a surprise birthday party... nice idea, but my mother would never go to that effort for me =/ xx
2007-08-03 03:36:23 · update #1
I have yet to understand why a parent shows a preference to some of their children, and yet neglects another. It is so unforgiving to have a mother be that indifferent to their child. I feel for you. My grandmother did that to my mother, and my mom at age 74 still talks about the pain it has caused her. I don't know what you can do, but be strong inside. It is unfortunate that your mother is so selfish in this way that she does not realize the damage she is doing to the relationship between you two. This is not your fault. It is totally hers. For some reason, she needs to vent some anger on someone and it seems to be you. People do that and they don't realize they need to have a person for a whipping post. I do not blame you one bit for your feelings of anger. I always say, "what goes around, comes around", and it will come around on her someday. In the meantime, you will eventually turn 18, get a job, and be able to move out. Also, maybe you can look into the Big Sister program in your area and hook up with an adult female who would like to spend quality time with you.
2007-08-03 04:15:20 · answer #1 · answered by Annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry and I would like to wish you a Very Happy Birthday. I can say that I too grew up in a house where my own parents never even said happy birthday let alone give me a card, gift , or party. It's a horrible feeling. I can say now that I am married and my husband goes above and beyond.
Before that my Friends went out of there way to make my day special so just know that we can pick our Friends but not our families and you might want to tell your mom how you feel hopefully it will not fall on deaf ears.
Happy Birthday...
2007-08-03 04:13:41 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is grown and is entitle to do grown up things. You should be happy for her and not be selfish. Life is too short to be tripping over such things. I believe that there is a legitimate reason why your mother has chosen to celebrate someone elses birthday the day of your birthday. You should be grateful that your mother is still alive and able to give you hugs/kisses and say I love you on your birthday. Do not get me wrong, family is extremely important. However, we sometimes tend to not take into consideration that moms are people too. If she wants to go out, to let her hair down and shake her booty, then let her. Why can't she spend the day with you and got out later. Compromise
2007-08-03 04:22:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being petty. I am suprised that she would make a commitment to be at someone else's birthday on your birthday. Surely she remembers when you were born.
It seems like there is something wrong here because what she is doing is very hurtful. If she does not see that, then she definitely has an issue. You should have a talk with her and if she refuses to listen I would recommend the help of a skilled counselor.
2007-08-03 03:57:19 · answer #4 · answered by Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this something your mom does often, or is it just this birthday? So you might have to forgo one birthday, for something that's important to your mom. Maybe you could suggest you celebrate it the following day, (or weekend) this year.
Try a compromise for this year though, and try to enjoy your day by treating yourself somehow. You have the right to be a little upset by this, but that would only serve to ruin YOUR day. So think of something that would really make you feel special, and do it for yourself this year.
2007-08-03 03:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry sweetie. Your mother isn't being very caring or sensitive. I would wait til the day of your birthday and see if she even acknowledges it before I write her off completely. The day after, I would sit her down and tell her how hurt you are that she didn't even say happy birthday and instead thought it was more important to celebrate someone ELSE'S bday instead. She's pathetic.
2007-08-03 03:26:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happy Birthday!!! no you're not petty..talk to her about your feelings, it may help. also, if it doen't turn out to be a party for you..make your own. get little things for the kids your babysitting to wrap for you (of course act surprised when you open them), by a small cake, and have fun. if possible invite a friend or to over. It's your birthday enjoy it : )
2007-08-03 04:18:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! Your own mother isn't going to spend time with you on your birthday? And she's making you babysit while she goes out to another party?
That hurts. I'm sorry this is happening to you. But..... you can't pick your family. You get who you get and sometimes you get stuck! So please try to make the best of it and make a good life for yourself so you won't need Mom anymore.
2007-08-03 03:25:32 · answer #8 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps the party she's talking about is for you! maybe you will have a surprise party, it's not impossible.
she's your mother, and all mothers love their children unconditionally. if you feel that she's not giving you enough time, then you should talk to her. let her see things your way. but hey, if she's really that cold hearted and wants to REALLY leave you on your birthday, o well, you know? make your own little haven, and bake yourself a cake, you gotta grow up and grow out of it.
but yeah, if you really want your mother to be at home with you, make sure you talk with her about how you are feeling. she will understand, but i really think she's planning a surprise for you.
good luck!
2007-08-03 03:27:55 · answer #9 · answered by cricket 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's so not cool by mom on so many levels, that's if she's really going to another party. Do you think maybe she's planning a big party for you as a surprise? Maybe she is...? But if she's not don't worry, things could be worse.
2007-08-03 03:58:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋