need a safe stance on religion for her parents?

Question

let me give some background. i have a girlfriend. i am 21, she is 20. we currently go to the same college; thus how we met. i have been dating her for 9 months now and every now and then we run into conflict of interest.

i am an agnostic, and her family is very much so roman catholic. she goes to church every sunday, prays before dinner, no sex before marriage, etc. i am in the school of engineering and have learned much more science than anyone would ever want to. while i enjoy destroying her arguments of faith with my powerful knowledge of science, history, and common sense; i need a safe stance for her parents.

she used one of my arguments on her father for the fun of it and had no knowledge of the argument to back it up. it seems her parents like me alot even though they found out we had sex(oops), but now ill probably have to defuse a nasty argument next time i see them.

someone please give me a safe stance to work with; and please don't preach to me.

-Jeff

Answer 1

If it comes to simple questions about your beliefs, be honest without saying too much. As an agnostic, you're open to the idea of the existence of some sort of deity (else you'd be an atheist like myself), it's just that every argument in favor of such falls well short of plausible.

If it comes to a debate of some sort, the best stance I've found is to feign ignorance of their beliefs, making them explain what they beleive. As ignorance is defined as "unaware because of a lack of relevant information or knowledge," and agnostic is a negative of "gnosis," or knowledge, this shouldn't be a difficult stance for you to take.

Instead of tearing down an argument in one fell swoop (it can be fun, I'll admit, but it's something to avoid here), ask questions, much like Socrates did (Hopefully you've taken an introductory philosophy course for your liberal-ed requirements).

Of course, DO NOT bring up religion yourself. If they direct something at you (initiate a debate, insist you attend church if you don't feel comfortable doing so, etc), fine, do the above, but if they let it be a non-issue, take advantage of that.

Hope this helps!

Answer 2

Let me tell you dear that you have a difficult path ahead of you if you are going to date a believer. Her parents may be nice and polite to you and have nothing against you personally except for the fact that you do not believe. If you fall deeply in love with this girl and someday consider marriage you are going to run into the problem of how to raise your children. And you can bet this will be a problem. A lot of whether or not this relationship succeeds is whether or not your girlfriend is an independently minded person or a parent pleas-er. There are a lot of little ways that these people can make you the outsider. I know someone who tried for over 2 yrs to make a situation like this work. It failed in the end. The girl could not leave her xtian values behind. The parents would do things like invite the daughter without the boyfriend on long trips, dinners, events etc. In other words they constantly made her have to choose. So this slowly but surely drove a wedge between them. Be careful with your heart. It is hard to make a relationship like this work. Religious differences are the hardest things to overcome.

Answer 3

The fact alone that you and your girl argue on purpose - be it with each other, or her with her father, screams out immaturity. IE- not ready for a stable relationship....
A safe stance?
What have you built your relationship on besides arguments and an accidental case of sex? I think you need to make sure your relationship is safe - if you want to know how to deal with HER family, then ask HER. That way whatever may happen will at least fall within the realms of you not sleeping in the dog-house.

Answer 4

I grew up Lutheran and became very in contact interior the church. the two one in all my mothers and dads style of shoved the religion on me. I rebelled against it for an prolonged time and walked way without objective of returning, beginning at approximately age sixteen. After my son became born I went back to church some circumstances and observed that my existence became lacking some element. when I grew to become extra in contact as an grownup I jumped in with the two ft. i'm now The chairman of the board of elders at our church, I coach a catechism type 2 nights a week, head the lads's club, and am a youngsters chief. I nevertheless bear in suggestions the days as a new child and each and all of the flaws my mothers and dads compelled me to do at church, yet have chosen to no longer obligate my youngsters interior a similar way. They constantly be able to say no to any interest. each and every each and every now and then they do say no and that i enable that is. i choose them to locate a similar exhilaration in Christ that I surely have yet they are going to locate it on there own words. I surely have in no way compelled it on them. yet I surely have constantly been a Lutheran. God Bless

Answer 5

Just tell them that you think religion is a personal thing, and that you respect their right to their beliefs. You have different ones, and you hope that won't change their view of you. If they want to push it further, just tell them that your scientific background has made it difficult to accept things without a logical explanation. Don't push it in their face, but let them know that while you respect their beliefs, you do not share them.

And destroying your girlfriend's faith isn't very nice or respectful. Telling her why you don't share her beliefs is fair, but I hope you don't go out of your way to make fun of hers.

Answer 6

Try being respectful about their beliefs.

P.S. When you "enjoy destroying her arguments of faith with your powerful knowledge," you aren't being respectful. Respectful people don't seek to destroy and they don't enjoy the process of destroying. The also don't gleefully compromise the morals of people they care about by coercing them into doing something they believe is a sin (e.g., sex before marriage).

Answer 7

It may suffice simply to say that your beliefs are private and you prefer not to discuss them.