parents please give opinions on this? i feel stupid getting upset over this?

Question

myfeelings are hurt about this, dumb i kno i have a sister. she has 2 kids. (ages 5 and 8) and i have two boys that are 12 and 9. we are always together. maybe a little much but we work together and its a home office so all the kids are at my sisters house all the time. well, there is an ongoing fight with the children about "goggles" that he kids fight over in her pool. (stupid i know but kids will be kids) anyways,
my sis says "i will take whoever wants new goggles to the store right now who is coming" and 3 of the kids came. my oldest looked around and thought that it was dumb to get new goggles when there are 2 or 3 sets floating in the pool so he opted OUT. anyways, she took the 3 younger ones and they all came back with full scuba sets. my 12 year olds mouth dropped. "i didn't know you were getting scuba sets" and she says "well you didn't come, so you lose" and his head lowered. then she says to me, "hey, he snoozes he loses" and MY feelings got hurt. am i right in getting hurt

let me just add, i love her kids and she loves mine too. but my oldest she in my OPINION doesn't treat fair. so i literally thought "oh she has them in the car, and is teasing him" and she literally did NOT have anything for him and I just have my feelings hurt becuase i would never single out one of hers. is it becuase her kids are younger??? could that be it?? i am not about to start answering but this is dumb to be UPSET over but it kept me awake. WEIRD i know, but thats what i thought about all night long. realing in my mind saying stuff like "wow, i would like to see her faceif i ever left out her daughter or son" and i wouldn't becuase FAIR IS FAIR. i can see not buying goggles in excess. that was my sons thoughts. thats why he opted out of coming to the store. it wasn't becuase he is spoiled and didn't want to run the errand. would any of you say anything to your sister or brother about this or let it go???

Answer 1

I also have a 12 yr old . I feel so sorry for your son. He did in a very mature way, what he thought was right. And he was right.
Not sure what to say here. At the age of 12 it could even jeopardize your sons trust in your sister. I think you should give your sister the money and have her pick up a full scuba set for him, that way he won't loose as much trust.
It would upset me to no end if my sister did this to my 12 yr. old. Ghee he was just trying to be conservative, as there were goggles floating in the pool.
Let us all know how you make out.
( Connie Mom of 4 boys )

Answer 2

Don't bother discussing this with your sister. If you take it to her then she will most likely get all defensive as she did invite them all and your son opted out for the right reasons. Her comment was totally inappropriate. Get your son the scuba gear. If she brings it up to you then you should say that your son misunderstood her intent and his feelings were hurt so you got them so he would be included with the other kids fun and games. You were hurt for the sake of your child. Any mother would be. One of the responses here was rude and the sarcasm is truly unnecessary.
Get your boy the scuba set. Don't discuss or debate the issue. I agree that you need to take a break from your sister and maybe some good quality time with just you and your family is called for at this time.
Please don't let this fester and cause a break in the family. My only sister has nothing to do with me and for years I tried and begged for her attention/love and wanted a real sisterly relationship and was told that we had nothing in common and she didn't want to be my friend. That was that. I talk to her when required and go on.
Your son will be OK and one day when he grows up he might very well tell her himself how she hurt him. Then she will have to accept whatever repercussions there might be at that point.
Good luck.........

Answer 3

I would tell your sister how you feel about the situation- how its not fair, he was misguided in thinking that she was only getting goggles, and that he felt treated wrongly. If she gets offensive or whatnot, just avoid an argument and tell her that you are just concerned about his feelings. Take your son to the store and buy him a scuba set so that he really doesn't feel left out. Address it with your sister but don't get argumentive or start a fight because it won't take you any where. Be mature and grown about it, and talk to your son on your way to the store, ask him how he feels so that he knows he can open up to you.

Answer 4

Hard to say who was the child here, your sister or your oldest son. I'd say your sister. She should not have done that. But I also wonder why you have such a big problem that you couldn't sleep at night. Do you have a problem telling your sister what you really think? Just buy him a scuba set and let it go. Try to tell her what you really think the next time she is inconsiderate or rude and you'll sleep better.

Answer 5

Well, family is a touchy situation, sooo....I would just take your son and get him his own scuba set... Put his name on it in permanent ink, and move on... You might want to mention to your sister your feelings about the situation and explain on how your son felt about it. Maybe she might see it from your prospective... Otherwise if you don't feel like saying anything just let it go. What is sound like you need a vacation from your family. Take your family to the lake for the weekend or something, not only do you need a break they might need one too.... The old saying goes you fight more with the ones you love..... Good Luck, and just make sure your son is happy and take care of him.

Answer 6

I would be very hurt too. I would just tell your sister that you would never do that to her children because you know it would hurt their feelings, and that you and your son were very hurt over what she did. He made the choice to save money and not get new goggles, and then was the one left feeling bad after making a responsible choice. Definitely talk to her about it, and make sure you tell your son what a great choice he made and that you are very proud of how responsible he is (which I'm sure you did already :) )

Answer 7

Your son should have a scuba set, too. Couldn't you buy him one? You don't need to make a big deal out of it. He is old enough to do something to earn it, too, helping you out. Since you are in the business, too, the childcare is a business expense and you should contribute to the cost of scuba sets for the pool. After all, your sister paid for a scuba set for one of your children so you should at least be willing to pay for one for your son, maybe get something else for the others. Your sister should not have all the expense!

Answer 8

I would have got my kids and left right then. I would have told her that what she did was unkind. I would have told my son that he will need to realize that just because someone is an adult does not mean that they are mature. I would stay away from anyone who treated my kids like this. I have done it in the past. Sorry but your sister is a *****. She would have to sincerely apologize to me and to the boy with a promise that that kind of thing will never happen again before I would be around her again. I would have been furious.

Answer 9

i would ask her where she got them and go buy a set for him if she asks why then tell her that your sons feeling were hurt because he didn't get any and that sometimes you feel like she doesn't treat him fairly because he is older. i think that she probably didn't do it on purpose though. she probably just bought them theirs and didn't even think about it. I've done it before too. you know i've taken my brother to the store with me and my sister wanted to stay home and we stopped for ice cream on the way back and i didn't get her any and she was upset but i didn't even think about it when i was out. i don't really think it has anything to do with being fair life is not fair so i guess this is just one of those lessons. every time you take one of your children out and buy them something do you get something for the other one? i know i don't.

Answer 10

No your right to get upset. You know his feeling were hurt when his aunt didnt even think about him. That is wrong. I would go out and buy the scuba set for him and let her know that she was wrong for doing that. She wouldnt like it if you did it to her kids. He didnt do anything to her to get treated like that. I dont care where I am or which child I am with...if one is buying something then the other is going to get something the samw value. I would let her know that was wrong. If you dont she will only keep doing it. Or better yet have you, her and your son sit and tlak about it and let him explain to her that his feelings got hurt. Girl that crap pisses me off!