I am a dad of 2 boys, and a foster parent of one baby girl (6 months, whom we have had since she was 1 month). Both of my boys were breastfeed for at least the first year of their lives. I have always supported my wife on this, and defended breastfeeding in general.
Here is the issue, my boys when they were babies really wanted nothing to do with me, lol. Well actually I was good for a few laughs, when they were in good moods, but I was not suitable to meet there needs. Meaning they enjoyed our play time, but if they got hurt, were hungry, or needed a change they preferred mommy. Everyone told me it's just a stage, and they will grow out of it, which they did, my oldest is 7 and is always wanting to be around me :)
Well when my daughter came along, naturally her being a foster child, we needed to use formula. I have done countless hours of feeding her. I must say, personally I have NEVER felt so much love from a baby! I mean she really knows me, and loves me.
2007-08-02 22:02:42 · 7 answers · asked by outdoor man 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
For example, I was meeting my wife at the community pool, after work. She (my wife) saw me and went out to help me bring a fruit tray I had just bought for the kids. I went in the gate, she went out the main entrance, so we missed each other. She had left the baby with someone still at the pool. I was looking all around for her, but couldn't see her. My baby on the other hand saw me, and went NUTS with screams to get my attention :))))) WOW, It's a powerful feeling like I've never felt at this age. To be honest, I kind of thought love from a baby was kind of overrated. NOT ANYMORE!
SO my questions: I wonder, is my bond with my baby so strong due to the feedings and being able to meet her needs? Do you think it's because she's a girl? Or from a different gene pool? lol (our pool is a bit weird).
2007-08-02 22:03:37 · update #1
My wife says she now feels bad that she didn't use the breast pump so I could help more with the boys, but I told her (back then, and now today) that I knew it was a bit painful for her, and not to worry.
All of this makes me wonder. Should we have done it differently? I mean the bond I now share with the baby, gosh if I only had that with the boys. I don't mean NOT breastfeeding, NO WAY, I know that's the healthiest way. What do you think about doing like half and half? Besides it does take the load off the overworked mom.
Sorry for dragging this on and on.
What's your thoughts on the matter?
2007-08-02 22:03:57 · update #2
I am not sure if breast feeding has much to do with it. I could only breast feed my oldest for several months before he was weened to a bottle. At which time my husband was the one to feed him until he got used to it as he would not take the bottle from me. { TO quote my husband when I was frustrated and upset that my son would not eat for me " why have rubber when you know the real thing is available"} Any way he still wanted and still does want me when he is sick or hurt. Dad is great and all but mom is just that much better. Now that being said when it comes to play time, bath time story time or any other time daddy is the be all end all. Mommy is cool but daddy is just better. Now my 3 year old doesn't really care if it is mom or dad just so long as some one is there to kiss his boo boo. So I guess maybe it depends on the child.
2007-08-03 02:00:13 · answer #1 · answered by blue_eyed_brat78 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having studies psychology I'm pretty certain that the breast feeding has nothing to do with the love ( Freud may agree with you but Bowlby's famous 1959 study and Harry Harlow successfully challenged this cupboard love theory(Google Cupboard Love theory for more info)). Also I breast fed my daughter for 17 months, although I did express for one feed, I made certain that my husband got involved with loads of other activities. It helped as he was at home a lot in her first year due to working from home. It also worked out that we both went back to work at around the same time so she was always happy to go to either of us, that was until my husband ended up doing longer hours so I did the majority of childcare out of nursery. She's a reall Daddy's girl, however generally when she's hurt her self only Mummy will do. She does however completely idolise her Dad and gives him a lot of love. I'm pretty sure that this is due to his heavy involvement from day one and I always encouraged him to get on with things with her rather than shying away from tasks due to the perception that as a Mum I would be better at it. I don't know your situation but your bond with your daughter from such a young age compared to the boys could be for several reasons. You are no doubt a lot more confident as a parent than you would have been at least with your first son, and I think this makes a difference. Also Dads and daughters seem to develop a special bond as girls wrap their Daddys around their little fingers!
2007-08-03 10:31:14 · answer #2 · answered by dream-cloud 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cant tell you if its the breastfeedin or not. My daughter doesnt want anything to do with her daddy unless she is in a good mood. I actually believe its the kiddo. My boys got bottle fed and they are completely different. My four yr old dont want nothing to do with me and my two yr old doesnt want anything to do with his daddy. I believe its their personalities. Just like when they get older the boys may mesh well with you but who knows when they get older. Dont bother about wandering about the past. Live in the now. Arent kids great! No love is like a childs love!
2007-08-03 09:13:18 · answer #3 · answered by not number 1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How "rocky" has it been with the two considered one of you? How are you doing once you're no longer on your meds? My mom is bi-polar and has to take anti-tension meds and every person can tell whilst she isn't taking them b/c she will become an entire basket case. She starts off arguments in basic terms for the sake of eager to be suitable, she screams and yells at human beings over no longer something, she panics and thinks each and every person is out to get her, she's chuffed one minute and crying uncontrollably the subsequent. in case you have been something like that, i will understand his frustration. yet to %. his bags and flow out... the two there is something you're no longer telling us in any different case he's in basic terms a huge jerk. so a great way as breastfeeding is going, that's extra value-effective and fit for the child. however the healthiest concern for the child is likewise to have 2 mentally stable dad and mom who are not continuously at one yet another's throats. you somewhat in basic terms might desire to weigh your strategies here. you are able to the two be continuously under pressure out and breastfeed, or be calm and have a stable relationship including your husband and bottle feed. you likely can "bond" with a bottle.
2016-10-09 02:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is true that breast feeding is a way to improve the bond between mother and kids but it does not mean that if some body else feeds(bottle) to a baby and he may develop the same bond. actually it is rightly said that fathers love daughters more and mothers love sons more . but one thing which any body may not agree with , is that is it true that fathers love their son a little less than daughters because they are males and his wife is more attracted to them as compared to him. lol . and similar with mothers and daughters.
2007-08-03 00:24:27 · answer #5 · answered by humble man 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ohh girls and their daddies! My 19 y/o still prefers Dad to me - always has and she was breastfed!
All your kids love you - until you prove that you are unlovable in some cases - a childs love is pretty much unconditional. Just enjoy your kids as they are and stop worrying about it!!!
2007-08-02 22:09:29 · answer #6 · answered by Sal*UK 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i breastfed my 3 girls until two years old. they loved it and me, but guess who they squeal with delight at? who can get them to eat dinner when they wont for me? who can brush their hair without the fuss?
you guessed it - daddy!!
girls LOVE their daddies AND their mummies, but the old adage is true - there are daddies girls and mummys boys, in spite of how you bring the up, it always seems to work out that way!
so neither you nor your wife should have ANY guilt about the feeding v bonding.
have fun and congrats on fostering!
blessed be
2007-08-02 23:09:21 · answer #7 · answered by hedgewitch 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋