I have been in and out of a verbally and sometimes physically violent relationship for over 5 years. I recently returned to my home town to try and start again and, you guessed it, he followed me. He has now started working in another town about 2 hours from me and its as though he only wants me when its convenient for him. I am so churned up over all of this, its affecting my whole life, my work, my relationship with my friends and family, everything. I know the relationship wont go anywhere, we have tried like 13 or 14 times and it ends in heartache every time, but yet I hang on and hang on. Lately it has been worse, I stress when he doesnt call me (we usually end up fighting over the phone anyway), he says he's coming to visit me, then doesnt show up and I get really upset. Its consuming my whole life and I know I have to let it go, but how?
2007-08-02 21:39:09 · 7 answers · asked by Dee 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
You need to end this once and for all. Seek out counseling at a Battered Womens Shelter, it usually is free. They can give you information. I strongly suggest you get into counseling and read this book; "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Pat Evans. It literally saved my life.
You need to understand that if you don't let go, he will either kill you someday or you will kill yourself after living with all the insanity for so long. Protect yourself, respect yourself and take care of yourself. You don't need any man to survive, you can do very well without him.
Please make the decision today to change your life, you have so much good ahead without this man. I will pray for you. Email if you need to talk.
2007-08-03 00:42:47 · answer #1 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You dont talk to him anymore. Maybe years down the road you too can be friends, but you need your time to be free of him. If he is always in your face, then you wont be able to move on. I was in a relationship for 4 years, and when we ended it he kept coming over. It as like e were still together, but we werent. He would always give me just enough so that I wouldnt move on, but bot enough so that we would get back together. He sure did keep the hope alive. I was absolutely crazy about him. This went on for about a year. Then I found out he had a girlfriend, but he was still having sex with me. I was devastated. I stopped talking to him. I just got fed up, and after a series of text messages I finally told him to just leave me alone. He finally did. It has beed 14 months since I have heard from him, and while it still hurts me to think about him, I have finally moved on. I have a new boyfriend and he is amazing. He treats me so wonderful. I am a priority to him and he makes it clear and evident everyday that we are together. I actually feel guilty that it hurts me when I think about my ex boyfriend, because I feel like I am betraying my current love.
Just leave him alone. Tell him to stop calling and showing up. When he does dont answer the phone, or door. If he waits til you leave, call the police, or have someone with you at all times. Get some mace too. He may get mad, but eventually he will give up, and while it hurts you know its better for you in the long run. You have to use will power though. No matter how much you want to talk to him, dont!
2007-08-02 22:13:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have got to respect yourself. This is completely unacceptable for you to allow yourself to be treated this way. Keep busy and do things that make you feel good about yourself. The fact that you can recognize the relationship is toxic is good start and I commend you there. Realize this, you are not going to live forever, do you really want to keep trying to salvage a relationship that you know is costing you physically and mentally in such an unhealthy manner? You have to take care of number one first. You choose to be happy or not, so choose happiness and fulfillment. Once you learn to take care of your own happiness then you are open to participate in a healthy relationship where a partnership is formed. Not one partner abusing the other, but both tending to his and her own needs and the needs of the other partner. Save yourself, make a commitment to your own well-being, then you can move forward.
2007-08-02 21:53:43 · answer #3 · answered by NinjenWV 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could tell you how to let it go, hun. You just have to be strong and not let him bully you into staying into the relationship. Guys who abuse their women are worthless and need major help. I hope you can find the courage to let it go because if things are bad now...they'll only get worse...especially since he's been abusing you already for so long.
2007-08-02 21:48:23 · answer #4 · answered by Boo Yah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are addicted and like any addiction you need to get help.
This isn't about the relationship or him, but about your own sense of self worth. You need to get away from your own mind beating against itself, as it is keeping you in the cycle that you have been in for years.
Find a support group like Coda or Sex and Love Addicts or even Al-Anon.
2007-08-02 23:23:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Letting go! Don't stay in a relationship that you are not happy.
I don't take any abuse from any man! I get rid of them as soon as possible!
End it, move first( don't let him know), change number!
2007-08-02 21:48:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not carry the dead wood with you...You live only once....please move on for ur own self.....I know it is easier said then done.
Be strong and move on..
All the luck to you.
2007-08-02 23:46:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋