Well I am "in" a relationship that I can't get out of...we moved to VA from FL last year. I am a stay at home mom and only get out of the house to go to the grocery store once every 2 weeks or to take my children to the doctors. So I know no one here and I have no money of my own to get myself and my children back to FL. My family can't afford to give me the money to do it right away and it will take some time for them to come up with it. Well anyway my "bf" has been cheating on me throughout most of our relationship and I have forgiven him more times than I care to admit to...for the sake of our children. Well I have had enough and I keep telling him that I don't want to be with him anymore but he won't listen. Everytime I tell him this he starts to beg and plead and when that doesn't work he tries to make me feel guilty and when that doesn't work he gets mad. Then he drops it and pretends as if it never happens and expects me to just continue the relationship.
2007-08-02 20:03:53 · 10 answers · asked by Lilli 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So I'm stuck here until I can get back to FL with my "bf" and he is planning our wedding and frankly the rest of our lives and I just want to leave. How do I make him understand that I no longer want to marry him or spend the rest of my life with him or anything like that
2007-08-02 20:06:01 · update #1
Yes we are living together and he pays the bills because I stay at home with the kids...I don't have the money to go back to FL right now and I don't know how to make him understand that's it's over between us while I'm still here
2007-08-02 20:17:41 · update #2
The only way to make anyone understand anything is to NOT give them mixed messages of any kind. If you tell him one thing and then slip into another behavior it creates confusion for you and him. You have to be consistent. What you wrote does not make it clear. Is he living with you?
2007-08-02 20:10:03 · answer #1 · answered by ontheroadagainwithoutyou 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a similar issue. Mine lies to me, has a secret savings account and I don't know what else, I just have to assume theres more than I care to know about. YET he loves me sooo much. He denies everything when we argue, and gets quiet and pouts like a little child. Currently he's waiting til I get over it (for the sake of our kid) and so he'll act as if nothing ever happened when I do. What he doesn't realize yet is I'm not getting over it this time, I'm just biding my time til I get a job and he pays my parents the money he owes them. Some men think its cheaper to stay married, and in your mans case it sounds true. Men are unbelievable to me with the way they fake and do it so well. I just can't understand the lies and how you can look someone in their eyes and pretend you love them when your decieving them every day. You need a plan like me. Save what you can, even if its a few dollars at a time. You'd be amazed at what you can come up with in a short time. Shave some off the grocery bill. Tell him you need a haircut that costs 15 and then cut it yourself. I hate to be giving that kind of advice after bitching about them doing that but we are people too and enough is enough. Especially when they caused your life to turn upside down when you've done nothing wrong. Its about survival. Then on top of that, you have to come up with money for a lawyer. But for his decietful actions you wouldn't have to be doing that. As for how to do it, look him in his eyes calmly and tell him you can't live this way any longer. Period.
2007-08-02 20:13:42 · answer #2 · answered by cindy h 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut him off (not Linda Bobbet style!) just do not BE with him. No sex, no conversation, no household duties for him. Don't cook for him, don't do his washing, don't sleep in the same bed, don't shop for him, keep yourself apart from him until he DOES gets it.
If you keep caving into his begging, his guilt trips and/or his bullying, he's right, you are going to stay, and he is going to get his way. If he wants to pretend it isn't going to happen remind him that it is.
Check out the social services in your area, and get out of the house, then work on getting you and the kids HOME.
2007-08-02 20:15:32 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's not going to accept it until you do something drastic. Contest any plans immediately, especially wedding plans. Constantly remind him that you don't want to get married because he's been unfaithful. And as soon as you're able, move out.
He's not going to be happy, but you have to make this move final.
2007-08-02 20:24:13 · answer #4 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
actions speak louder than words ever do. He probably will never believe you until you finally do it. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Take a picture of yourself and send it to him when you get away from him and explain now it's over because I've left you.
2007-08-02 20:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by danny_austin4 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send him a clear cut email.
2007-08-02 20:06:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be firm and polite. Make the message clear :)
2007-08-02 20:08:24 · answer #7 · answered by Nikhil Son 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, tell him you still want him in your life... for your children's sake... and start dating a new guy... that will show him that you've moved on... well, that's probably what i'd do...
good luck to you and i wish the best to you and your children! :)
2007-08-02 20:08:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
go to the police, get a restraining order or threaten to go..he'll get the message...obvioulsy talking hasnt been enough...try doing something he will take seriously and respect
2007-08-02 20:08:47 · answer #9 · answered by ~~~ 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
JUST SAY ITS OVER. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070802234354AANFXpc&pa=FYd1D2bwHTHwLLxnFuk_QhJxUUhCJaHpz58SS7zDkUKtVQ--&paid=asked&msgr_status=y
help with my ?
2007-08-02 20:05:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋