right lately me and my bloke have just got back to gether, i love him he loves me, but on wednesday next week he is going to be a dad! to his Ex what am i supposed to say to that one. he dont know for sure its his but if it is he wants to be a part of the babys life.but i dont want to be involved i have told him to do whats best for him. but now i am affraid he dont want to stay with me now and it feels selfish knowing theres a child involved how and i supposed to feel and react to this information he told me last night?? any advice please
2007-08-02 19:58:42 · 15 answers · asked by claire 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Rachel (above): I think you mean 'Jerry Springer' situation.
2007-08-02 20:06:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi,
I guess it has taken a big shock to the system to hear the news he is going to be a dad in a week or so time. Whilst he has had longer to adjust to the news, you have only got a week or so to get use to the news before the baby comes along.
Thing is so many couples end up splitting up and getting back together and sometimes it can work but other times too much goes on and the old problems are not fixed so they crop up again.
Thing is hun at the moment he is with you and although he says the baby may not be his, I would go into thinking it is so you can get adjusted to life if the baby does end up being his.
Even if baby is his and he wants to play an active role, this does not mean he doesn't want you. To be honest the fact he wants to be involved in his baby's life should be noticed and complimented on as there so many fathers who split with the mothers of their babies and never take an active role.
If the baby does happen to be his, then yes things will change in your relationship. By this I mean he will be seeing the baby more often, he will have to meet up with ex to draw up a rota of when he can see baby and that.
He will also have to maintain a close and civil relationship with his ex due to it being in child's best interests.
I know it a fairly new and scary situation to be in and although you don't want to be involved, if you going to stay with this guy then you are going to be involved and it up to you to start feeling if you can put up with it.
The fact the two of you have had another go at the relationship shows that the two of you have got some chemistry to be together again and maybe this will help you through the tough times.
Allow yourself some time to reflect on the news and to meet those all important decisions.
Good luck!
Lx
2007-08-03 03:16:30 · answer #2 · answered by SunshineApple 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT!!! Do you not honestly think if the baby is due next week he only found out??? Whatever, whenever a DNA test will confirm if he is the dad. If he is he will have to live up to his responsibilities or land in trouble. The poor inocent baby is not the problem but the triangle of you, his ex and him is. If you are worried he will not stay with you now then there is no trust in your relationship. Sorry, but I think you should take step back for now until he is absolutelu sure what he wants from life. I hate to say it but this person certainly doesn't seem to be a good partner for anyone. I do wish you well.
2007-08-03 20:55:47 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't really give him an ultimatum if it his his child he has a right to be a part of his/her life and vice versa, if you say you both love each other that much you should be able to work through it, baby or not you should build a relationship based on how you two are together, maybe set aside time for you both and time when he can spend with the child, you never know eventually you might want to get to know the child yourself and if this relationship is the one for you you will inevitably have to play a part in this child's life ie (step mum )
tell your partner you understand the situation and although you love him so much its a shock to you,and this is something you need to talk about maybe even spend some time on your own to think things through. its alot to take on someones child i know
but are you ready??
financially it means his money will have to stretch further,maybe putting off holidays, a wedding,etc
there will be times when he will meet his ex could you cope with that??
what about birthdays, Christmas's, and other social events that will mean you have to share your time- could you manage it??
it doesn't mean the end of the world, you can make it work you just both need to be honest about your feelings and come to an understanding....
good luck i really hope it works out for you both.
2007-08-03 03:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by sk 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh you poor thing, i would not be able to handle that, and when this child is born he is going to be over the moon, of course no reason for him not to be, but he is always going to be part of his ex's life due to their baby, you are not being selfish you have feelings as well. but if you do love him, you will stick with him and things might not seem as bad as you thought they would be, sure give it a go, if it doesn't work out well he can't say you didn't even try. good luck. lol x x x
2007-08-05 14:03:43 · answer #5 · answered by little star 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to step back. He only told you yesterday that he was going to be a father next week? This sounds like a Jeremy Kyle situation so tbh I would tell you to walk away to ensure that he has a relationship with his child. That is the most important thing of all
2007-08-03 03:03:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you still want this man in your life, and he still wants to be with you, you are going to have to deal with the fact that the child and to a lesser degree the mother will be in his life too. You are all going to have to build up huge amounts of trust. I know it can be done but it will require some effort from his ex. All the best
2007-08-03 03:28:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long has he known about him being a daddy? If he knew for a long time and didn't tell you I'd be pissed. If he just found out, then you both need to realize that the baby will be in his life, thus the mother will be in his life as well. If you cannot handle that then you need to back out now.
2007-08-03 10:21:27 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is gonna sound mad. but It can work i was pretty upset when my ex told me he was with child with someone else but as time went on my children see him on a regular basis but i have no contect with his new partner, it works as he picks them up and drops them of she stays in there house, like Rachel said take a step back . but when baby here advise u bloke to do dna test just to be sure. good luck hope it works out. x
2007-08-03 03:15:42 · answer #9 · answered by diamondjade 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to let hm go.
If things don't work out then you might be able to pick things up later, but don't be the reason a child grows up without it's father.
2007-08-03 03:23:09 · answer #10 · answered by 'Dr Greene' 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
leave well alone hes your ex because things didn't work out before don't keep picking up the same litter be happy don't complicate your life good luck
2007-08-03 03:30:38 · answer #11 · answered by diborntobeblonde 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋