When my girlfriend was 40 minutes late, I went to the gym without her, was that passive agressive?

Question

We had talked about an hour before and agreed to go to the gym, but when I called her home 3 times over 40 minutes, she didn't answer. I figured her plans had changed and she was ditching me for some good or lame reason. She has done that before. I didn't try her cell phone because she has ignored messages from me in the past, and I'm kind of tired of spending my whole evening pursuing her all over town and not getting to do what I want to do. So I left for the gym without her. Then she called and was upset and acused me of being passive aggressive. I apologize because I missread the situation, and I was sorry I hurt her feelings, but I felt like she has given me just cause to do what I did. I didn't intend to hurt her, but she feels I did want to hurt her. Who is right? Was I passive aggressive? I suppose I could just try to ignore my conditioned triggers, and call her home and cell phone, and give her a half hour, then go without her if I can't reach her. Would that work?

Answer 1

You are a good man. No need to apologize. If she made a mistake she is the one who has to apologize. Tell her that as a b/f she cant take you for granted and that she should respect how you feel. You have to tell her your feelings. Only god knows why you are attracted to this lady.

Answer 2

Well you could have tried her cell and if she still didn't answer AND is nearly an hour late then i say yeah, leave without her. I've had this done to me before and it gets really really old when you spend half your time waiting around on someone who obviously doesn't care as much as you do. Maybe she'll realize that next time she needs to be on time or at least give you the courtesy of a phone call. So no i don't really think you were out of bounds..

Answer 3

You tried to get in touch with her, several times. After 40 minutes it's perfectly reasonable to assume she's either there already or something else came up. Especially if she has a previous pattern of leaving you in limbo like that. However, I'd have tried the cell, just once to be sure.

I don't know about the passive aggressive bit, but how long did she expect you to wait around. To me it almost sounds like she's tranfering her own behavior onto you and blaming you for it.

You have to decide for yourself if it's worth spending your whole day chasing this woman when she can't even be bothered to call you and let you know that something's come up. Especially for something that really doesn't need her presence like the gym.

Good luck.

Answer 4

OK neither of you are technically wrong, cuz the way you feel isnt wrong. In my opinion she is lame. Your time is just as valuable as hers is, so the fact that she blows you off and waits to call, etc etc. is by definition LAME. You sound like a really nice guy to go through the motions but you realize you apologized for doing exactly what you said youd do. She was late, and called upset and accused you of being passive aggresive. And all you did was make plans, wait for your tardy gf, and then follow through on your plans when you figured she had blown you off (which she has done before).
im sorry but i side with you on this one. your gf needs to be where she says shes gonna be, she would hate if you did that to her. Either be where you say you are or call and tell someone youll be late. Its simple.

Answer 5

No you're not PA at the least.....If you told her what time you were leaving for the gym and she was running 5 mins late..I would have called her then home and cell. That way she can't say that you didn't try.

Now when you call...If she is "stalling ***" and have to do a bunch of stuff that wasn't in the plan TELL her "This wasn't what we planned and I need to work out today I'm doing it now because I have other plans later"...and do it...period. Next time she'll be ready to go when its time or else go by herself.

Be direct...that will not leave her to scramble around for "excuses".

It works both ways she also needs to respect your time. I really hate when people waste mine.

Answer 6

work out something in advance. Like, from now on whenever you make plans and she doesn't show for 20 mins or more, you leave without her. For example if you had made this arragnment, and you were supose to meet for the gym at 3, and she doesn't send you amessage or show by 3:20, you leave w.o her.

Also, I'm on yourside. She should have called and said she was going to be late. She didn't answer her phone, so you left.
However, you should have called her cell.

Answer 7

well...she might find it hurtful because she's a girl. we feel weird sometimes. but if anything, it was just ditching, not passive agressive. you weren't. still, though, 40 minutes is kind of long. remind her that you waited for 40 minutes. you should ask her about it next time, because you sound like the better person, and it seems like there was miscommunication?... well....just talk it out.
good luck!

Answer 8

Talk to her about the situation and come up with a plan together so it won't happen again. It's understandable to leave when someone is late, but she might see it as you not trying since you didn't try her cell phone.

Answer 9

I think you're right. If she's ditched you before and has ignored messages from you, it should be rightful payback and just desserts for her doing that to you. But yeah, usually girls expect the guy to be willing to do anything for her just to keep in her good graces. My advice is to analyze whether she's worth the trouble.

Answer 10

I think it was fine to go with out her.
just tell her she was late, so you didnt think it would mean much if you went to the gym with out her.

She shouldn't be mad.
If she really wanted both of you to go then she would have came on time.