My third son (26) wants to pay £300 (plus accomadation costs) to go on a three-day "motivation" course

Question

... down in London but I think that it is a complete waste of time and money.He swears that he has friends who have been on it and claim that it has changed their lives.
He has always been a bit of a drifter (unlike my other three) but I made sure that he got through school and so on and what he does now is up to him - but he does have a good job and writes too so I can't see the problem.
He says that he will send me details of this particular course called "Landmark" or somesuch but I am sceptical and wouldn't want him to waste his money.
Does anyone know anything about these courses and what they are all about?
I am also worried that,in his case,such a course could actually do harm and he would be better off having a good holiday.

Hello Steve - no my son has his own place over in Hull - my youngest boy moved out just over a year ago and I have told all of them that even though they would be welcome back here *temorarily* in a real emergency I am entitled to my own home these days after bringing four of them on my own up in a two-bedroomed house.I taught them to stand on their own two feet which is why him talking about this course suprises me.

Answer 1

I tend to trust the Guardian newspaper so have posted you this which you may find helpful.
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,6903,1106927,00.html
There is also something on Wikipedia if you look up Landmark Seminars.
Landmark Seminars used to be called the EST Forum, my ex-husband did several of them at that time, and has survived, and is also a writer. He doesn't do them now, it was something though he felt he had to do at the time.
Some people say they are dangerous and a 'cult' and you will find all sorts of alarmist stories on the cult-busting websites, but they are always one-sided, and maybe from individuals wanting to blame someone else for their own difficulties.
I have to warn you though, which may explain the 'cult' label, that people often tend not to want to stop at one seminar or training and go on to do others, my husband did and your son well may. If he can afford them there's nothing you can really do about it, although it may be difficult for you. I think there is still the element of secrecy which will mean that he won't be able to tell you much about what happened there. He may also try to get you to do one too, my husband did but failed!
Please don't worry, I think you just have to be supportive and patient and try not to criticise what he's doing too much.
I personally don't like the whole thing, but we all have to make our own choices.
Good luck to you both!

Answer 2

I would not recommend meddling in your son's affairs, unlesshe wants you to fund the course.
However taking an interest is different. You care that he isn't scammed or fleeced.
Do a bit of research and find out about the facts of the matter.
Self improvement cannot be a bad thing. In this life you need to put work in to get results - the course should pay for it self if it is any good.
http://www.landmarkeducation.com/menu.jsp?top=21&mid=80
Their website seems genuine and I think it is a not a waste of money. But any course is only as good as the people on it. If your son does not put in the effort then he will come away without any benefit.
£300 for a course is not too much to pay, provided that it is properly run and not a shambles.

Answer 3

Hi there Joan, I really do understand your concerns as a mother! However, now that he is 26, you will need to let him make his own choices and mistakes. The best that you can do, is to show an interest in what he chooses to do; and be there for him with words of encouragement if he makes a few mistakes. Even though I would tend to agree with you that this course seems to be an extortionate amount of money; it may have a positive effect on your son.
I am afraid that I dont know anything about the course. Why not get the address and details from your son and check it out for yourself and see what you think.
I sympathise and empathise with you....you sound like you have done a good job bringing up your children. Now is the time to let them find their own way now that they are adults. All that you can do is offer your advice and be there for them. I know how you feel because I have a son in the army who is going to be posted to afghanistan at some stage soon. I am so against it and worry for my son's safety. Having disscussed my concerns with him, my son has said that this is the career that he has chosen; and if he dies, then he will die doing something he loves.
We can both wish the best for our sons and hope that they are successful.
All the best to you! :o)

Answer 4

After reading your addition i wonder if part of you feels a little bit hurt Joan? You have obviously done a great job and sometimes when our kids say they want to enhance what we have already done we feel abit like its a dig that we haven't done quite enough. And bringing up kids alone on a tight budget £300 sounds like a lot of money- but that actually today isn't much at all- it sounds good value. Let him go without worrying about if he feels good about it. I sometimes doubt things my kids do but at the end of the day its their lives. Sometimes they may feel they need a change in direction and as life is a learning curve then it could be a good thing. If it turns out to be a mistake then he will learn from that too - thats why i don't say to my kids its a good idea or not- if its a mistake it something to learn from.

Answer 5

I do not think that it is a waste.It helps in improving ones own personality.It reveals weakness and strengths.Personality development and setting goals help carreer planning and development.Principles of motivation really work.The benefit depends on how much you are able to follow the teachings of the programme organisers.It has helped many people, I know personally.The expenditure is an investment in human resourse development.I suggest that everybody who can afford the fees should attend.

Answer 6

Motivation courses can be quite useful, particularly as they help get people going. £300 is about right for a course, many charge over £1000. You need to check it is accredited and from a good educational establishment. I dont think it will do any harm and at least you will know where he is.

Answer 7

Well unless it's another one of those Scientology type cults (NLP is a 'reformed' cult = they talk a lot of nonsense but are more interested in selling their courses than 'converting' you to the 'brotherhood' these days) it's not likely to do him any harm, and if it's his money, let him get on with it ...

NB> You might suggest that one MAJOR motivating factor is to move into a place of his own (I'm assuming he's still living at home) ..

Answer 8

From personal experience they are nothing special (rhetorical questions set to a trendy soundtrack) and not worth the money, but if you are looking for direction then you have nothing to lose except your money.

You will have to put up with him spouting all types of psycho-babble for a month or so but it's no big deal.

The worst thing that can happen is he decides to follow a career in sales.

Answer 9

If it is something your son wants to do then support him, I assume he is paying it himself?
I very much doubt the course could do any harm, learning should be lifelong and motivation courses are great ways of setting goals and finding out where you want to go in life.
Encourage your son and see what he gets out of it.

Answer 10

Yes my uncle in law did it a few years back, and he loved it

He then got my aunt and cousin involved, but for them it caused alot of problem....

At one point they had to call a person who they had a problem with for my aunt this was her father, and for my cousin this was his mother.... the call got extremely heated and either speak to that person again... they feel 'its for the better.'

My cousin split up with his girlfriend.... etc etc...

I'm not sure about it personally, as an outsider looking in... but as it was a few years ago, i don't see any change in my aunt or uncle.

Although my cousin now is married with 2children and has his own business... but i don't think it was down to landmark!!

You would need to be a strong person to do this type of course.. only you would know your son!! But he is an adult, just be mindful that he is doing it, and support him when he needs it xx