Is it a wise idea to have sex with my boyfriend?

Question

I am 19 and he is 20. However, he is not a virgin and I am. The problem is that I know that if I lost my virginity to him I would feel very sorrowful and guilty afterwards. Now, I am not condemning people who choose to have sex out of marriage, but I was brought up to believe that it is immoral to do something like that. Now, he has never pressured me to do anything sexual but I feel that if I don't eventually have sex then he is going to find it somewhere else because he is no longer a virgin. With that being said, the next thing that comes to mind is marrying him. That way, I won't be committing a sin, but the problem with that is that I am in college and i long to get my degree and establish a career beforehand. What should I do?

I also feel that marrying at the age of 19 is too young, however I really do not want to lose him. Is it true that sex increases a couple's bond?

Answer 1

always depends. sometimes sex BREAKS the bond. he's never pressured you into it, which is good because he may be willing to wait. as long as you tell him what you said in your question, then he should understand! don't stress it though. trust me, girl, guys KNOW there are a lot of fast girls out there, and if he has a good one like you in his face he'd be a fool to give you up for some hoochie! he know that! if he don't... then i'd say he's cheating as you were typing your question. it's one or the other, hoochie with no respect for herself, or a lady that has plenty of it. just keep letting him know you're worth the wait! don't tease him though, because that will make him more eager, and he'll begin to pressure you.

if you stand behind your beliefs, stand behind them. you've made it 19 years... keep going. never let a man see you fall. it may not be fallin havin sex with him.. but seein you give in, and seein you break down like that is going to make you appear weak. don't even do it to yourself.

you're thinking about everything backwards anyway! you mentioned sex first, marriage second, degree third. you wrote down your priorities in order. maintain them. flip that paragraph around a little bit. you'll be ok =) you're still young.. you have a whole life to live, don't let no man pull you down

if that didn't help... think about it like this... you give it to him once, he's definitely gonna want it all the time. yall been together for so long, he's gonna want you and all of you. (i hope you know what i mean by that) what's all that career talk gonna be like if you got pregnant? see... it ain't worth it. keep doin you, girl, you doin real good!

Answer 2

Okay first off, if you are not ready you are not ready, thats it... Think about it, you are in college, what happens if you have sex and you get pregnant... take that into consideration....

If you feel that your boyfriend will find it elsewhere if you do not do it, if he does this than it is obvious he does not love you, if you love someone you can wait.

Also getting married to have sex, it is not going to make it okay, It is a sin to be married for those reasons, you should marry him because you want to spend your life with him, not just to make it okay by God to have sex, because that does not okay it, it is a sin to marry unlawfully...

I think that you should wait, if he is the guy for you then he will wait for you... take pregnancy into consideration, there is a lot of responsibility that comes with sex, think about it, if you have sex with him and things dont work out ... that purity you have been working on for 19 years is for nothing, you have waited this long, dont screw it up, if he cares for you he will understand and he will wait.

Answer 3

I am in a similar situation. I was raised to believe that saving yourself for marriage was the right thing to do. And aside from it being right or wrong morally, i feel that it is best that i wait.. I know if i don't I will always regret it.

Now the problem comes in, my boyfriend wants sex really bad, as you may imagine. I also want it really bad but keep holding off because i know for certain I will hate myself for it afterwards. I know i'm not satisfying him physically (though we do everthing except for sex)..
I also keep thinking about pregnancy. "What if i were to get pregnant"? i keep asking myself! I am 20 yrs old, still going through school, and don't see myself with this guy five years from now. This is actually a HUGE fear of mine, that even if we double up on protection, I will be a part of that one percent who DOES end up getting pregnant.

All i can say to you is try to satisfy him in other ways besides sex. Maybe oral or not, just depends on the guy. And if he really is worth keeping he will understand and be willing to wait. And i know its easier said than done.. i also know firsthand from experience that a majority of guys will not wait, and its sooo hard to think of letting someone you love go..

Whatever you do though, do NOT compromise your values or your beliefs or your standards for yourself or you WILL regret it in the morning. We all have regrets but why add one more to this already long enough list?

Good luck. I know its hard! =)

Answer 4

Dont change ur beliefs for a guy and dont do something drastic like getting married just so u can have sex. I'm sorry to say this, but ur relationship prolly isnt gunna last long b/c eventually he is gunna want sex and it will be easy for him to get it from someone else. Plus, he's 20 so he does not want to marry u. Stick to ur beliefs and if he's gunna be okay with that, then great. If he starts to pressure u, dump him. He might think it's dumb but their ur beliefs not his.

Answer 5

sex alone does not increase a couple's bond. make sure that the relationship is strong and intimate before u decide to profess ur love to him. remember, it is not wrong to wait. also there is nothing wrong with making love before marriage- it is the ultimate display of love one can share to someone else, regardless of whether they are married or not. i still say wait till ur ready. if he's pressurin u to have sex and ur not ready, then dont go through with it just to please him. it should be most memorable to the both of you- when the time is right.

Answer 6

Yes you are still very young. Don't worry about losing him, if he really loves you, he must respect your wishes and wait. If he is not willing to wait then he is not worth your love and it is better to break off or you will regret it forever.
You are only 19, there will be many man for you after you finish college.

Good Luck

Answer 7

I would say dont. Unless YOU feel completely comfortable. Sex can mess up relationships though, i know a few. and afterwards he went around saying some pretty bad things about her. Don't do anything though until youre completly sure and trust him fully.

Answer 8

How do you know, for SURE, that you won't be just, another "conquest" of this boyfriend of yours ? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure ? Take a poll. Ask: "How many girls are still with the guy who took their virginity away from them"?

I bet that the answer will just "floor" you !!! Save it[virginity] for when the ring is actually on your left hand !!!

Answer 9

if the guy respects you, he will not force you into giving up your virginity. ask yourself, if he's worth it for you to give up your virginity and, don't do it if you're uncomfortable about it. once it's lost, it can never be recovered.
the one who loves you is willing to respect you for whatever choice you make.

Answer 10

If he loves you and respects you and your wishes, he will wait until you are ready...if he doesn't, he isn't worth it then...Don't let anyone talk you into doing anything you are not ready for...Don't let your guard or morals down for any man...if he isn't going to honor you, leave him...