Can you think of a reason a mother would say this to someone when her child was obviously listening?

Question

"I'm not the maternal type and I never wanted children". WHat would prompt a mother to say this? It's just a puzzling thing I am trying to work out.

I know this isn't an R&S question but I generally get intelligent and helpful answers from you guys.

Thanks

I was 10 when she said it. Her and her friend were talking about a woman they knew who had just got pregnant and was very excited.
That memory is etched into my mind and sometimes I burst into tears when I think of it.
Having a child IS hard...there is nothing wrong with a little venting but say that in front of a child...it has a nasty sting to it, considering I was a quite, well behaved kid.

Answer 1

How sad! :( Mental illness. That's all I can come up with.

Answer 2

There is no excuse for a remark like that in front of a child. You did not mention the age of the child, and I believe that would be relevant as to how much harm was done. I can not imagine making any child feel unwanted. My pastor said no child is a mistake, but some have parents who made mistakes. If you are in a position to be around the child, even for short periods of time, you could make such a difference by building them up and letting the child know that they are important to YOU!

Edit: I did not mean to sound judgmental. I have three grown children, and have had private conversations with good friends questioning my sanity at this motherhood undertaking. I had good friends to talk out such frustrations and feelings of failure that most parents feel at some point.

Answer 3

Parents sometimes forget children are listening.
I bet after she had you she was happy. Maybe that was another reason why she let it slip so easily out of her mouth. She had lost all emotional connection with that sentiment, it was just a neutral memory for her. Quite another thing if she had really continued to feel that way: she would have not said it in front of you.

(just a thought)

PS. A lot of people say, this is inexcusable. There is no such thing as inexcusable. We are all human, we are allowed to make mistakes. But it is up to us to understand that there is another capacity that makes us divine, and sets us free: to forgive. Above all to ourselves.

Answer 4

Some people just don't realize how they sound. I know my mother-in-law spent the entire first year of our marriage telling everyone she knew, all the reasons why she didn't want us to be married. The ironic thing was that she and I had a good relationship.

I love her, but she is ignorant of how she sounds some times. Perhaps this woman is the same.

It is unfortunate that her child had to hear this, however. She is doing damage, possibly without realizing it.

Answer 5

Usually, women are either maternal or they are not. I have counseled women who have children, who never wanted children. They did not get the life they wanted, but still say they would not trade their children for a million dollars. Most of these women do tell their children that they never wanted children to help them make better choices for their future. When I say better, I am talking about a better job, a better husband and more money to raise the children. If you do not have these, do not have children. It makes your life very hard.

Answer 6

ok you're 25 you're no longer new to the sport. So permit me college you. permit's start up with the main important situation. you will never have his finished interest. He has 3 infants which will desire to come earlier you emotionally and financially. He will never have the capacity to totally assist you and any young ones you have with him the two financially or emotionally by using fact he has previous duties. So in case you unfold em and mattress em and make toddlers with this sperm donor you're understanding bringing young ones right into a sucky childhood. this is egocentric and irresponsible. And which interior the tip will in all probability make you an ex. by using fact he beds em, knocks em and strikes on. and you're no longer any extra specific than them. He instructed them the comparable issues he has instructed you. that's a interest. He gets what he needs devoid of considered the infants who go through by using fact of it. And he's 29. he isn't any youngster. He is familiar with what he's doing. As for the ladies human beings, he loves this drama or he would cope with it. he's a grown rattling guy. no longer a baby. He eats this chit up with a fork and loves it. and you recognize it. you're a strategies from specific. you're basically the chick who buys his bs for the 2nd. And he's familiar with you will the two sensible up or he will knock you up or he will tire of you. Whichever way he never should be genuine with you or every person else. by using fact he's not approximately being genuine or honest or respectable. by using fact respectable adult males do no longer run around nilly willy making toddlers right here and there and shifting directly to the subsequent conquest. They stay with the kin they made and stick it out. by thick and skinny. And marry the female. you assume a toad to bark like a canine. you're fantasizing that this guy will unexpectedly grow to be responsible and respectable. which you're so diverse and you will exchange him, blah blah blah puke. Fantasies belong in books. that's the genuine worldwide. If all you opt for it a loser who will depart you with young ones and pass directly to the subsequent infant mama then persist with him. He has shown you his genuine colours. end being shade blind and spot them. Are you so desperate and unsightly and mean that no respectable guy would have you ever? Are you forced to stay your existence on my own by using this? in view this is the only reason any clever lady would hitch her wagon to his brokedown horse.

Answer 7

It may be that she was just having some hard times in that moment of her life. Or maybe it could be that she was just kidding or didn't realize you were listening.

...But people change, and I'm sure that being a mother is hard work, she probably enjoys being a mother, very, very ,much. Just forget about it and move on.

Answer 8

Tash... not knowing the whole conversation, I really can't say. I've known women like that, and it tears my heart out for their child(children) and for themselves... I can't help but wonder what had triggered that decision...was it when they were babes growing up, or, is the maternal instinct just missing from some people when conceived? I tend to believe the former to be true, simply because of some of the women I had spoken to about it...helped one lady friend with healing of the memories and afterwards she told me some of the repressed memories that she had discovered...but by Jesus being with her durring the whole healing, she wasn't afraid to face them anymore....it all stemmed from a childhood fear that her father was the one whom had done a "hit and run" with his car and left her near dead...she never saw the man's face, but the car color and style was like her dad's and her child mind had made an assumption which she buried...

[With Jesus at her side holding her hand, she saw the man's face finally, without fear...it wasn't her dad.]

You see, her dad left her mother shortly after that and she thought he hated her and that was why he left.

Children make assumptions like that and repress memories that satan uses to steal their joy throughout their life.

That's why it is important that we must go to God and lay our fresh memories and old ones in His hands to take care of and ask for the Holy Spirit to cleanse and fill those areas with God's healing love so satan can't try and hurt us with them...

God be with you all :)

Answer 9

I'm real sorry that happened to you. As you get older it helps to realize that parents are just people. People who have needs and screw up and don't think sometimes before they speak.

It is good to step back and look at your parents as needy people. People who have not had certain needs met can be very selfish and thoughtless sometimes-they are not even aware of their audience they just know they want to be heard.

Answer 10

I AM SORRY TO SAY I AM GUILTY OF HAVING SAID PRETTY MUCH THAT EXACT PHRASE. NEVER IN FRONT OF MY CHILD AS THAT IS JUST CRUEL, BUT ON A ONE TO ONE WITH A FRIEND I HAVE MADE THAT COMMENT ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS. IT ISN'T THAT I DON'T LOVE MY SON WITH ALL MY HEART. BUT I DO HAPPEN TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO NEVER CONSIDERED WANTING KIDS. MY SON WAS A SURPRISE. AS INA GOOD THING. BUT MY LIFE HAS GONE A LOT DIFFERENTLY THAN I EXPECTED SINCE. THIS IS NOT A COMPLAINT SO MUCH AS A FACT. BUT I THINK A BIT PART OF IT IS I ALWAYS WORRY THAT BECAUSE I WAS NEVERF THE MATERNAL TYPE THAT I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. I HAVE ONLY ONE SON SO EVERYTHING IS NEW AND DIFFICULT. EACH NEW AGE AND STAGE CAN BE DIFFICULT AND IT MAKES ME FEEL AS IF I AM DOING LESS THAN WELL BECAUSE I AM NOT INHERINTLY MATERNAL AND NUTURING. I FIND I USUALLY MAKE SUCH A COMMENT WHEN THINGS ARE ROUGH WITH RAISING HIM. I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT FOR A FRIEND TO BE ABLE TO CONFIDE IN EACH OTHER, GOOD AND BAD THINGS BUT SHE REALLY SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL THAT HER CHILD'S EARS DON'T CATCH IT. SOMETIMES FRUSTRATION OVERCOMES GOOD SENSE THOUGH. NOT A JUSTIFICATION JUST AN INSIDERS PERSPECTIVE.

Answer 11

Someone without the courage to stand up for what she believes but succumbs to social or family pressures to have an unwanted child.
A moral coward and a poor human being to say it when the child was listening. She may have given biological birth, but she's no mother!