I think I might be getting sexually harassed at worK at my new job?

Question

This guy has been giving me MASSAGES. Let me explain....
Okay, at first he started giving me all these knowing looks and would mouth "you look hot!" (when I was wearing totally boring clothes) to be kind of funny/jokey, but a couple days ago he came up to me and started giving me a MASSAGE for 15 seconds. I thought this was really weird, but i Let it go. Then yesterday, he came up to me AGAIN and started giving me another massage. Then today he did it AGAIN today. Ok, that's 3 days in a row.

The thing is...
1) he has a girlfriend
2) I dress completely modest (never wear low cut shirts orANYTHING skimpy, I always wear business pants, high heels, tailored jackets etc)
3) I in no way act sexy or ask for this kind of attention
4) I've talked to this guy for maybe a total of 3 mnutes (cuz I'm new), so it's not like he can have some huge crush on me, but he keeps giving me those "bedroom eyes"...Is this about power? or Is he just a flirt?

Another thing he did was sit onmy desk unprofessionally close to me and touched my jacket on the shoulder and said,"I like this jacket."

He's Mexican. I know their culture is more flirtatious, is this okay in that culture? i don't want to sound like a racist, but culture is a factor in how people behave.

The thing is, too...it turns me on when he acts like that, but conversely, it makes me UNCOMFORTABLE b/c it's AT WORK and he has a girlfriend. why is he doing all this? i wish he would stop so I'm not getting all turned on at work.

Answer 1

YOU need to either say "this is not appropriate behavior at work" or "bring it on big boy" it is only harrasment IF you don't welcome the advance. DO NOT SEND MIXED SIGNALS

Answer 2

OK. I don't know how many conversations I've had with women to educate them on guys like this. YOU ARE BEING SEXUALLY HARASSED.

This is how it works with guys like this. I have found that women can be way too trusting and excusing of this behavior. They give guys the benefit of the doubt, then it's too late. He began testing you from the start. Yes, testing. By doing these 'little' things, he is seeing what he can get away with and how far he can go with you. Every time he gives you a massage or flirts with you and you do not object, that is approval for his attention to him. He thinks he's getting somewhere. The longer you go without objecting, the more forward the behavior will become. When it becomes a big problem and you finally say something about it, the people investigating will ask why you didn't come forward sooner. This will seem to them, like you welcomed it for a time.

Trust me. I do know guys like this. He IS testing your boundaries and will go as far as you let him, but may also decide in his mind that you want him. Be very careful and let him know you do not welcome his attention. If it does not stop, file a complaint.

Answer 3

He sounds like an a hole. Be very professional with him to the point of being cold. If he tries to massage you again, tell him to stop it loudly and clearly. If he asks why, say you think that behavior is inappropriate in the workplace and you will not discuss it further. You may also want to write down what has happened so far and share it with your supervisor and/or HR rep. Good luck.

Answer 4

Your first mistake was letting him touch you to give the massage. The moment he touched you, that was your que to tell him not to. You should avoid him at all costs unless you want other co-workers to notice you letting this go on. This is all very inappropriate. Letting him mouth you "look hot" and give you sexy looks was your first mistake. You "let" him massage you 3 days in a row. What do you think he thinks about you?

The remark about Mexican culture being that they act like that is pee pee caca. They do not all behave like that. I am part Mexican and have lots of guy friends who are the most well behaved respectful guys you could be around. He is a pig, and you need to avoid him.

Now it comes out. He is not sexually harrassing you because you like it and are letting him touch you. You are inviting it by being passive when he comes to your desk. You know he is going to touch you, and you let him. Don't think your superiors aren't watching you.

Answer 5

Tell him you don't want a massage. Other than that just ignore him and do like you have been doing and give him no signs that you like him. He will eventually get the drift. If he touches you tell him to keep off because he has a girlfriend and you don't want to meet a guy at work. I would say don't be a B*tch by trying to get him fired unless he doesn't listen when you tell him to calm down.
Sometimes guy's just need to know there limits. There is no need to get people fired unless he won't stop.

Answer 6

nicely, surely we women will constantly face this problem everywhere and the main suitable place it is going to exist at paintings place as we spend each and daily 8 hrs or extra an afternoon. considering the fact that he did no longer bodily harm you, instead of bobbing up any undertaking you have casually spoke back back "suggestions you, you have dialled a incorrect variety" or on your known joking way "you will get hit back" etc. My expensive, in case you attitude your supervisor for helping this undertaking or as a criticism - they are going to be the subsequent to invite you for it as you have already made a propaganda in the previous. maximum suitable element in extreme circumstances would be take despite action interior the main discreet thank you to ward off situations. until he's bodily harming you, then you definately may even disclose such person to the police/ public, so society can observe of them. Now on your case you lost even your activity. So next time this suggestion for you.

Answer 7

he thinks HE is hot and a god gift to women. if he is bold enough to lip sink to you that he thinks ya hot, then be bold enough to tell him ya not interested, unless of course ya are. then if he keeps it up report him, and don't feel bad about it.
ya keep letting him give ya these massages you are letting him think it is okay and he want stop.


oh now ya added on the add ons. so ya do think he's hot, and he's got you pegged. whats got you all missed up is the fact he has A girl friend. so tell him to back off are give him what ya both want.


damn girl I can't believe i did all this typing just because ya worried about the fact he as a girlfriend.

Answer 8

You deserve much better that this behavior. Office romances are often clandestine and usually forbidden. He is breaking priorities, threatening job stability and probably showing off. Maybe he has a hidden office cam. Think the worst, but sincerely and politely ask him to stop.

Answer 9

He needs to be slapped down. Tell him to knock it off. If he doesn't get the message from you clearly and distinctly he'll keep doing it and maybe even go farther.

Take your appropriate corporate procedures if he doesn't knock it off.

I've never known anyone this actually happened to. It's just like our sexual harrassment training videos.

P.S. Your additional information is starting to make things clear. It's starting to turn you on. Your nonverbal communication may be telling him this. In this case it's a problem with inappropriate behavior from both of you.

Answer 10

I would let him know you don't appreciate the massages and for him to stop. Then go to his superior and let them know he's doing it and ask that they put it in writing so there is a record of your complaints. If it continues after that, I'd contact an attorney!

Answer 11

If he is in a higher power position than you, than it is inappropriate for you to be massaging you. Maybe you can go to your Human Resources Dept. and ask them the policy on sexual harrassment. Or just address him personally and tell him that his behavior is making you uncomfortable.