I've long lost my proper respect for my parent(s) & I know I'm already a bad daughter - what is wrong with me?

Question

I guess I take my parents' sacrifices for granted. They have sacrificed their dreams for my well-being - my dad abandoned his good job and his homeland, while my mom (she's the one bringing $)works multiple jobs just to pay for my education. I cannot go into details about what led to this, but let's say it was all because we didn't have money. Money is still causing problems for us and my parents argue occassionally because of it...but sometimes they argue because of their clashing personalities. While my mom tends to be tolerant and calm, my dad tends to be...well, rather unreasonable and not so understanding. He blames (and cusses at) mom a lot for lots of things. Anyway, at some point, I began to lose respect for them as parents - primarily Dad - and have never quite abandoned my bad habit of talking back at them and displaying my frequent angers. I know I am already a bad daughter - and I am beginning to hate myself. I am past puberty (I am 20). What...heh, what is wrong with me?

Answer 1

Icon be careful as to how you treat your folks cause it may be come back to haunt you times ten once you yourself become a parent. Certainly they are not perfect, but I have been on this earth over a half a century and have yet to meet anyone who is. There is no use in beating yourself up for how you have treated your parents and they will forgive you regardless or what you have said or done because they love you unconditionally. Sad but I remember being young once also and majority of youth do have conditions on the love they are willing to give. Why not attempt to build a new and improved relationship with your folks (as they are the only ones you'll ever have). If possible sit down with them and apologize for all the disrespect and troubles that you have caused in their lives. In addition tell them how grateful you are for all the things that they have had to sacrifice in order to raise you and thank them for being who they are, your parents. Best of luck and I truly hope that if you don't take my advice at present that all these things will just happen naturally as you mature.

Answer 2

Well, it does sound like you might be an ungrateful child who takes her parents for granted, lol. I was the exact same way at your age, the only difference being that my parents would have whacked me if I had talked back to them. =D

It's all good though because 1) you realize what a jerk you are and that you are kinda taking them for granted, which is a good step toward appreciating them, and 2) as you get older, like when you're all moved out and on your own financially and they are no longer in "parent must-support-the-child mode," you will begin to appreciate them as humans beings.

I think the REAL reason you are disrespectful, though, is because your parents don't sound like good role models for how to treat people. Sure, they are working their butts off for you and obviously care a great deal about you, but they (your dad mostly) sound purely miserable. If they are arguing and nasty to each other and clashing all the time, you WON'T have respect for them. You'll probably end up hating your dad for being an irate jerk, and you probably are disgusted by your mom for letting him treat her like that.

You really need a better guilt mechanism so you start treating them better. I'm guessing you're not Catholic, right??! ha. Just realize that if they weren't struggling to pay for your education, they'd probably be less stressed about money and be able to actually enjoy life.

Answer 3

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RE:
I've long lost my proper respect for my parent(s) & I know I'm already a bad daughter - what is wrong with me?
I guess I take my parents' sacrifices for granted. They have sacrificed their dreams for my well-being - my dad abandoned his good job and his homeland, while my mom (she's the one bringing $)works multiple jobs just to pay for my education. I cannot go into details about what led to this,...

Answer 4

There's nothing wrong with you. Even without your difficult home life, it's natural for the child to grow and break away from the parents. Part of this separation involves a clash of ideals.

My parents are good people, but I cannot live with them because we drive each other crazy. I've created my own life and I'm going to follow it as I see fit now (I'm 28, by the way).

It seems like your situation is full of tension, so part of you wants it to stop. I think your apparent disrespect stems from this. You parents have had a tough time establishing the perfect home life and you resent them for that.

Point is, I think it happens to all of us. I'm not sure if you have some religious conviction, but this black/white good/evil split is a really shallow way to look at the situation. In other words, the devil hasn't gotten into your family just because you were "bad" so to speak. Anyway, lots of luck.

Answer 5

What's wrong with you? You're 20. Your parents are under a lot of stress trying to make ends meet. Your Dad especially is under stress because he abandoned a good job and perhaps is feeling a little guilty about that or about the fact that your Mom is bringing in the money for now. Men tend to feel like they should be the ones who do that. While his words toward your Mom may sound like he's blaming her, inside he most likely is blaming himself. Try to cut him some slack.

You mentioned that they sacrificed their dreams for your well-being. More than likely, as is the case with most kids, you did take that for granted but it sounds like you're learning to appreciate their efforts so give yourself some credit. What is your frequent anger about? Why are you angry and who are you angry with? Think that through and it may help you change the way you relate to your parents. It sounds like you're on the right track.

Try to see your parents as people who are struggling and trying to make the best of a difficult situation. Accept that they are not perfect and will make mistakes along the way. By seeing them that way instead of as your parents, it may also help you relate to them a little differently. Also accept that you are not perfect and you will make mistakes. By being aware of how things are currently and asking what you can do to change things for the better, you're showing that you're maturing. Don't focus on the negative aspects of your behavior. Give yourself credit for the growth that you're showing and love yourself instead of hating yourself. You're doing great. There's nothing wrong with you. This is all part of the maturing process.

Answer 6

First: There is nothing wrong with you.
You are not a bad daughter.
You do what is asked of you.
If you have "angers", you are just as entitled to express them, within reasonable limits, as anyone else.

You are getting educated and growing up.
It is normal that you see the faults of your parents and the respect that you felt when you were a child and they seemed all-powerful must decline.
You now see them as they are, just normal people with individual strengths and faults.
You are clearly aware of your obligations to them, and that is all that anyone can expect of you.

Answer 7

Ask the Lord for forgiveness and apologize to your parents. Make an effort to get them to turn their lives over to God. God is wanting your family to seek him with all their hearts.
The Devil is what is causing your family to argue.
The Devil only comes to Steal, Kill, and Destroy. It is written in the Bible. If your parents could only build their marriage on a strong spiritual foundation, nothing could ever tear it down. God will provide for your family if they have faith and truly believe. They desperately need God in their lives.
You are not a bad daughter, you are only acting out what your parents are displaying, amongst other things that are going on. It is the holy spirit that is within you that tells you that disrespecting your parents is wrong. You yourself should seek the Lord with all your heart. You will feel that heavy load that you have been carrying has been remarkably lifted from your shoulders.
When you are hurt, or depressed, open your (NIV) Bible and read it. God is an amazing God and he wants nothing but the best for you. This is also in the Bible; God only wants to prosper you not to harm you. When you get some time, please look at this website called: www.fathersloveletter.com

It is very heartfelt and I recommend it to anyone that needs to hear God's Word.
I will say a prayer for you and your family. -God Bless.


Luke 6 (NIV)
The Wise and Foolish Builders
46"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? 47I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. 48He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."


Matthew 7
The Wise and Foolish Builders
24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
28When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, 29because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.

Answer 8

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