How can I deal with an alcoholic father and a verbally abusive mother?

Question

I'm not old enough to just move out of the house, hell, I can't even drive yet! My mom yells at me all the time for everything. You haven't heard swearing until you've heard my mom yelling. My dad goes out nearly every day to drink, either leaving me home alone, or leaving me with my mom to be screamed at. Neither of them admit that they have serious problems and that they need to get help. I went to talk to someone [a psychiatrist or therapist or something] every week, someone that I'm really attatched to, but now my mom isn't sure whether or not I should go to see her anymore. This is because the woman tried to get my mom help with her anger management issues, and mom didn't like it. She also thinks that this woman is too expensive. I have NO ONE to talk to at all. I also suffer from trichotillomania, making me pull out my eyelashes when I get nervous or upset about something. Very hard to explain. Read up on it.
Can someone please give me some advice? I would really appreciate it.

Answer 1

Your therapist is the best person to ask. I'm not any sort of professional, but perhaps you could find something that would get you out of the house? For example, you could get involved with a church group where (hopefully) people are nice and supportive. Hang in there -- there's life after a crappy childhood.

Answer 2

The first thing that you want to consider is to get into AlAteen or AlAnon so you can learn the disease of alcoholism and the effects that it can have on the entire family. This is an educational support group where you can meet people just like you that are, or have, experienced living in an dysfunctional family due to alcoholism. You mom would also greatly benefit from attending AlAnon, too. There are plenty of these groups in your area and they are free, so that your mom can't use an excuse that it is too "expensive".

Alcoholism is a disease and not a person that "has no will power". If left untreated, a great number of individuals have died as a result of not receiving treatment. Your father may need to go into to a detox program to rid his body of the alcohol. Detox programs are important because when a person goes off the alcohol, there is always a possibility that they could go into seizures and die. Also, at these programs, and individual will be exposed to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and can continue these groups upon their discharge. Your dad may need to enter into a 28 day program if his addiction is severe enough, or he could attend AA meetings and possibly outpatient counseling, as well. Most community mental health centers have therapists that deal with addictions and they charge on a sliding scale fee (which means the individual only pays, if anything, what they can really afford).

Keep in mind that your mother's anger is probably being misdirected toward you instead of her being upset and openly angry with your father. In order to find these meetings, simply go into the phone book, or the internet, under AA and they can provide you with a list of the nearest AlAteen / AlAnon and AA meetings. Good luck and my prayers are with you and your family.

Answer 3

Dear Shelby: First of all, you are correct to say that your Mother swearing at you is wrong and that your Father drinking to excess is also wrong. It's ultimately pointless and destructive. Extreme verbal abuse is actually an offence.

I imagine you may be around 14 or so. I know you feel powerless and that's why people behave the way they do towards you. Often people adjust their behaviour according to the perceived limits, but that's human nature. Again, none of this is your fault. Being a minor, it's entirely your parents responsibility for how they behave.

You must not be isolated. Bad situations often tend to shrink and lessen if exposed to the eyes and ears of others. You need the support of the law, your brothers or sisters and any relatives, your school and even the neighbours if suitable.

Find community groups etc, whether your local Church, council or whatever is suitable. But under no circumstances believe you have to accept bad behaviour from ANYBODY. Damn right you're somebody! Real friends and those with a caring heart will always feel that way and treat you accordingly.

You also need something better of your own such as physical fitness via the gym, self defence via an effective martial arts/boxing and philosophy. You need education and serious reading to understand the world and people. Get involved in activities/groups and around the kind of experienced, mature, ethical and trustworthy people who will mentor you and develop your opportunities. This includes financial understanding.

I came from an uncomfortable, negative and unsupportive background and you can triumph over it. Believe me.

You may even be able to help your parents as you may turn out to be simply better and stronger than them. Perhaps you may find help for your parents. I don't know everything about your situation but it's better if it works out for your whole family.

Whether they can change or not, if you do the things listed above, you will be independent, energised, confident, connected and skilled enough to move on from any negative, immature behaviour or environment.

The focus firstly needs to be on stopping the bad behaviour and replacing it with an effective and approriate maturity, partly by connecting with those that have the power to either enforce this or who can provide alternatives. DO NOT LEAVE SCHOOL! Get qualifications whether you do a job, a business or are self employed.

My wife is Japanese and we have a wonderful 4 year old boy. I must admit that I find it frustrating to not be in a position to help people as much as I'd like, especially young people who remind me of me or my son or Hell, the old or anybody that deserves better. I cannot and will not tolerate bullying, meanness, rank stupidity, abuses of power, or position and responsibility. I'm just funny that way.

You can contact me anytime, young man.
[e-mail]

Answer 4

Shelby there are groups called Alanon and Alateen for family and friends of alcoholics. I also am an alcoholic who has been sober for quite a while now and am a proud member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Although I don't know a whole lot of Alanon I do know that it has helped many people learn how to live their lives with an alcoholic. If you look in the phone book you'll be able to find these numbers and hopefully there will be people there that you can talk with about your concerns. Who knows someone there may even be experiencing some of the same things you are going through and you will befriend them. Best of luck in dealing with these things that you are currently having to live with and hopefully things will work out for the best of all your family members over time.

Answer 5

If you haven't already talked to a school counselor, you should. Even if you have, try again and explain how things are. They should be able to help you get some help.
Of course you should if possible join an Alateen group. This takes time too, but it works if you keep at it.
You really can't do much about your parents, but you can get help to make yourself as healthy as you can. It won't come overnight though.
It's too bad your parents are acting this way; but don't let them ruin your life.

Answer 6

Yada Yada Yada...how old are you 13? 14? 15? It goes with the age ALL parents are complete trolls at this age, people that are telling you to get the law involved and see a therapist, boo hoo in 20 years when your own kid kicks your butt you will understand. The ones giving you bad advice are also children. If your parents were paying for your help,,,they are bad how?

Answer 7

hey darl i no exactly how you feel, my mom always verbally abuses me and screams at me if there is something wrong which still wasnt even my fault. but my father aint an alcholic. they gambel alot and i go through the same pain that you do... i think that you just need some help and that if you do need to talk to someone i am always here you can add me on [e-mail], i am here to tak to you ok...hope irt all goes well with ya



***Tiff****

Answer 8

Check your local yellow pages for help hot-lines. If your parents refuse to change their ways then you need to do something to change your situation. You can seek legal advice, call the cops, just do something.

Answer 9

I believe AA has a group for people that have to live with alcoholic. Alanon. It is for people in your situation.

Answer 10

i think you should ask that friend of yours to ask that you be placed in a group home till your parents get it together