My aunt that is like a second mother is telling everyone else in my family that she won't attend my wedding that I'm having out of state. What do I say to her when she tells me? I'm not very happy that she won't attend. She really has no excuse not to come. Help!
2007-08-02 15:15:33 · 20 answers · asked by betty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
When I say she has no excuse I mean she has the money and she has no health problems or a job holding her back.
2007-08-02 16:22:15 · update #1
there's nothing you can do - i she doesn't want to come, you'll have to accept that she won't come. It's one of the drawbacks of having a destination wedding.
2007-08-02 19:47:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are sorry she won't be able to make it because she is such a big part of your life and you wanted to share the experience with her. Perhaps offer to give her a copy of the photos or watch the wedding video when you get back.
You can't know for sure she doesn't have a good reason and even if she is only saying that to bully you into having a local wedding its her choice and you can't force a grown woman to do anything. Perhaps offer to help her pay for travel and lodging if that seems to be the issue.
If she stands firm on refusing to travel you will have to decide which you want more...the aunt attending or a destination wedding.
2007-08-02 22:22:10 · answer #2 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, when you choose to have a destination wedding, you have to accept that some people - even close family members - may not attend. Usually when people have a destination wedding, it's the mom, dad, and a few close friends. Most people can't afford to do it but I know you said that wasn 't an excuse for your aunt. I wouldn't take it personally. she may have other reasons that you don't know about. When she tells you, just smile and say "we will miss you!!"
2007-08-02 23:46:09 · answer #3 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
to you a destination wedding sounds like such fun. to others who may be older or do not have as much money it can sound like a huge, upsetting burden. some people are very upset by the idea of having to travel. if this is the case maybe the aunt can travel with your parents. maybe you could pay for her stay at your wedding. maybe she has health issues and does not trust herself to be well when she is far from home. try, with respect, to tell her you want her there and ask if there is something you can do to make that possible, if not, accept her reason with graciousness. i personally deserve a medal for all the travel expense and other sacrifices i have made to go to these newly trendy destination weddings. it rubs me the wrong way when you say she has no excuse not to come. it is a bit disingenuous of you to say that.
2007-08-02 22:41:29 · answer #4 · answered by jaded 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As disappointing as it might be, this is a common issue with destination weddings. Traveling for a one-day event is very very expensive and some people simply don't like to travel.
You can ask her why, but if she doesn't want to tell you, don't pressure her. Just express to her how important it is that she be there on your special day and that you're sad she can't come. If she still can't come, then promise to get together with her after you get home to show off the photos.
If the issue is that she can't afford it, maybe offer to pay for a portion of her travel. If she feels like she doesn't have anything special to do, so why bother going.... ask her to play a part in some way.
Good luck,
Pam
2007-08-02 22:30:55 · answer #5 · answered by Pam T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is the risk you take by having a destination wedding. You can't just assume that she has enough money, or that she has that type of money to throw together just for one day for you.
You have no idea what is going on in her private life; don't assume that she has no excuse not to come. Unless she says she just doesn't feel like coming, you have no reason to be angry with her.
Tell her that you are sorry that she can't make it, but that you understand that having a destination wedding asks a lot of the guests.
2007-08-03 15:57:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is say that you're very sorry to hear that, that she's very important to you, and you'll miss her presence.
By having a destination wedding, you should have realized that it would mean some people just wouldn't be willing to attend, whether they could afford it or not. It's sad that one of the people not willing is one of the ones you wanted to be there the most, but there's nothing you can do about it unless you want to change your plans all around to suit her.
2007-08-03 00:19:46 · answer #7 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your aunt doesn't want to go then you can't make her go. When she tells you just let her know that you are very disappointed that she won't be sharing this special day with you and it is important that you want her there and say that you are very sorry to hear that. And that you would have loved her to be there with you on your wedding day. Make it seems that you are very very sad by the news and you would lhave loved it if she can be there. So maybe she will feel bad and change her mind, but if she doesn't change her mind at least she knows that you wished she could be there with you.
2007-08-02 22:53:36 · answer #8 · answered by TJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want her to go that badly, why don't you offer to pay her way? That said, honestly if she refuses to go and tells you, I would just say "I'm sorry you're not able to come. Let me know if your situation changes." Honestly though, I think nobody really knows someone's true financial situation and there could be something going on that you don't know about. I wouldn't push it or think it's something about you. There could very well be a real reason that she just hasn't told you.
Unfortunately, having a destination wedding means that there's always going to be someone who isn't going to attend for one reason or another.
2007-08-03 09:07:42 · answer #9 · answered by tink 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because someone has the money to go doesn't mean that they should automatically be expected to spend it on your wedding. She may be saving it for some other expense or treat for herself. There are a lot of reasons why, so until you ask her in person, you can't know and shouldn't be upset.
2007-08-02 23:37:24 · answer #10 · answered by its about time 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is part of having a destination wedding, I am having one this September and I ran into several of those. If that is where you want to have your wedding, have it there and the people who want to come will be there. Regardless, enjoy your wedding day.
2007-08-02 22:49:24 · answer #11 · answered by lisadaisy165 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋