Inappropriate contact?

Question

Hi all,

I just had a sensitive question I was hoping you could provide some advice on. My divorced aunt remarried four years ago to a man that everyone in our family LOVED. He was a great guy, a loving father figure to her kids (my cousins), and all-around a very stabilizing force.

Unfortunately, my aunt and he recently - in May or so - decided to separate. I'm not sure on the details, but I've heard it had something to do with his being depressed- a struggle he's had for a while. Either way, it was generally faultless.

I want to drop him a quick email to him saying "Hi... hope you're doing well" or something light to let him know we're so sorry about what happened. But I'm worried my aunt (or other family members) might think I'm being "disloyal" or inappropriate.

So I was wondering if anyone could help?? Would it be bad to keep in (very occasional) touch with my aunt's ex? What's the proper protocol here??

Thanks SO much for your time in advance!!

Answer 1

Hanuman22 I think you should speak to your aunt in a general conversation and throw the question out there about how she would feel if you were to check up on her ( now kicked to the curb ex hubby) and see what her facial expression is and the tone of her voice. These two things normally tell you exactly what you want to know. Learn that sometimes the sound in a person's voice means no even if they are physically telling you yes. By the way there is nothing wrong with you wanting to check on him and make sure all is ok as long as you don't get into unneccessary conversation about your aunt or anything she wouldn't want you telling. Use your best judgement depending on the honest reason for the spilt ( if you know the details). Good luck

Answer 2

Personally I think that he would very much appreciate a nice hello and to be asked how he is making out. If the rest of the family are that immature that they cannot keep contact with someone that they thought was the cats *** not that long ago then that is their problem and not yours. As you have stated this break was generally faultless and so a nicer thing I don't think you could do. If you wanted you could tell your aunt of your decision and let her know that you always admired this fella and just wanted to check in with him. I'd be willing to bet that she would see no problem with this either.

Answer 3

I dont see anything wrong with you dropping him an email to say hi. Weather there divorced or not now he was still considered family at a point in time so you shouldnt just drop him because of what happened to his relationship

Answer 4

I think you should send the e-mail but tell your aunt about it. I know it might be hard to tell her but it's best to tell because she eventually will find out and it's best for her to hear it from you instead of finding it out from someone else. Just tell her why you want to contact him. It's okay to care about him and wonder how he is doing. I think thats really sweet

Answer 5

Personally, I see nothing wrong with your mailing him. Especially if the split was a faultless one. If there had been countless faults against him--but there was/is not.

Answer 6

if you want to say Hi to the guy, it's not hurting anyone... and surely he won't go around broadcasting the fact that you wrote.

some things are confidential.

Answer 7

if ur family might think its disloyal shame on them i say right a letter to that man make sure to let him n ow u r there for him nomatter wat good luck wit ur choice.