Overcoming Grief?

Question

My mother passed away on December 5th of this year, of course like anyone else I cried, just not alot, and I turned to partying and drugs(nothing major just weed and yes I have stopped using) and I just kind of ignored it I guess until last week I tried to go to sleep and I just started seeing her face when I close my eyes and I started crying so hard I couldn't even breath or see clearly, I'm 17 and I just feel so lost because its hard being without a mom and a dad when you've had them all your life supporting you, my mom was sick since I was 16 and my dad was sick since I was 12...I'm just so tired of pain and loosing everything I have including my sleep, every night I go to sleep at 5 or 6 because I'm so busy fighting her memory so I won't cry

Help Me How Do I Be Strong? I Don't Like Weakness Expecially In Myself

shea: I live with my older sister now, but I plan on moving out sometime in April I know she doesn't really want me here and I I don't really know why though because I give her 300 dollars a month just to sleep on her couch lol

and yes, I have 1 sister and 2 brothers (one who is in jail right now)

Answer 1

Sweetie....don' t think you are weak just cause you need to cry ! There's nothing wimpy about letting grief happen cause it hurts ! Its one of the worst emotions in life to learn how to deal with ! I've lost my parents, grandparents, aunts,uncles, three brothers and a sister. Some days...you just wonder to yourself " What is the point of all this"? The pain seems to be so overwhelming at times that its a natural reaction to just make it stop. We try to do whatever it takes to make the mental pain go away. What I had to learn was...as others have said...Call on God and ask for strenghth. That will happen but don't expect it overnight either. Our minds and hearts were hurt bad...we need to heal and that takes time. Allow the grief to come when it can..even if you have to go stand in the shower to cry and let it out so no one sees. Give yourself some ways to help heal yourself . Like my sis...she died of cancer..so did one of my brothers..so I volunteered in different ways to raise money for research in their name. I wrote them letters and tied them to balloons and let them go up to heaven. I started making beaded pins and earrings..for cancer patients..to cheer them up after they got radiation treatments. They are little ways that just feel good to me...maybe its not huge but I know in my heart that I helped someone smile that day. I do things like that to honor sis and bro...it really helps me feel better.
Go talk to someone...anyone. There are also groups on Yahoo that are for grieving. Join one of those if you don't want to talk out loud to someone else that you don't know.
Ya know? Maybe Mom's face keeps coming to you at night when you are trying to sleep so that she can tell you she's okay now...that she's healed and not in pain anymore. I didn't stop having nightmares and waking up crying until I allowed the grieving to happen...then sis and my bro both let me know they were okay and happy. I'm the same way as you hon....don't like to be considered weak and always taking care of others so I'm thought of as" the strong one" . Its not true at all but still makes me feel like I should act that way. Let the crying happen...hold her pictures and talk to her ...tell her how you feel and allow yourself that sad time whenever you need it. It does get easier...it will never go away but it does get easier.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss honey, losing your mom at such a young age is rough.

I have a question, why are you "fighting her memory" so you won't cry? It is healthy and normal to cry and get out the grief, if you don't you will revert to the negative and unhealthy things you were doing before...maybe worse.

Crying literally releases some hormones into the system that actually help you feel better once you are done. You know that drained feeling? Well, that means you've gotten some of the stress out and that is good.

Have you talked to a counselor about how you are feeling? Find someone you feel comfortable with, probably a woman close to your mom's age, and ask her for grief counseling. You will find it very helpful because you have two major losses to deal with and I just know your parents want a good life for you.

Don't delay, start finding someone to talk to and enlist the support of other family and friends. Ask them for their shoulder to cry on when you need it. If they are worth anything, they will not hesitate to help you.

Remember the wonderful times, the funny and fun times with them. Live your life in a way that would make them proud because they are watching out after you. You will all be together again in heaven, God promises that to us.

Being "strong" is doing what is right. Being weak is not taking care of you. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you are human. Take care.

Answer 3

Listen, honey, I understand because I was there. My mother died when I was 18 after a long illness and it is very hard. I also turned to drugs, but unlike you, I went into a downward spiral that lasted several years. But I am now 30, and, while I will always miss her, I am a healthy, happy human being now who just might become a mother myself. So I know this is hard to believe now, but in time it will get better. I'm not going to lie and tell you that you will ever stop missing her. But it will get better. You will come to terms with it and be able to live a "normal" life. I promise.

The absolutely most important thing you must remember is that expressing your grief IS NOT weakness. It IS normal. You must learn to forgive yourself for feeling sad. When your parent has a long illness, you learn to be the strong one so that you don't freak them out by being sad, and then you start thinking that you have to be strong all the time. That's not true. You need to express your grief. You need to mourn. Allow yourself to do that. I especially urge you to honor her memory on Mother's Day and her birthday. It will give you a set time to deal with it every year, and that will help you to be strong for the rest of the year.

And when you're ready (not before!), go see a professional who is experienced in grief therapy. It's worth it, trust me.

Answer 4

No matter how hard you try to ignore the pain of losing your mom, it will come back on you. You can only bury it for so long. The grief will manifest itself in a lot of other ways (like turning to drugs, depression, bad relationships). I went through the same thing. My mom died when I was 9 and it affected me even into adulthood. Crying and losing sleep is a normal part of the grief process. It is hard, but give yourself a break. Grief does NOT equal weakness. In fact, recognizing your need to grieve shows you are strong, not weak. It will take time, but you will get through this. I would recommend talking to a counselor (at church, at school). There are a lot of people who are facing the same pain you are and it helps to talk about it. I also recommend reading the book "Motherless Daughters". It helped me greatly. Good luck to you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 5

Wow, that is so tough.

First, the first year of a loss like a loved one is always the most difficult. You go through all the holidays & events without them for the first time. You have every right to keep grieving.

Second, turn to God. It is so hard to see right now, but there is a plan for you - you may not be able to see it now, but it's there. Just know that neither one of them are hurting or suffering any longer. This should be some comfort to you, even though you still hurt.

God loves you. Just pray to Him to get you through.

You are stronger than you think you are...you are still getting up to face life everyday, right? It's a step in the right direction.

Answer 6

First of all this isn't an answer, but I am sorry...my "mother" was never really one and gave me up at the age of 11. I did just want to say though, that I am very sorry...I do have my dad and don't know what I would do without him. It's hard to advise someone on how to be strong, because sometimes a "strong" person is the one who knows when to ask for help...you are strong...you just need to lean on your friends for the hard times instead of turning to other things...;)

Answer 7

you poor poor child. "if there were a stairway to heaven i would walk right up and bring you home again" that just popped into my head( a memorial at my dear friends grave) your question brought tears to my eyes, and i could not imagine being in your shoes for a second. it is very normal to put off the whole grieving process until you are ready to deal with it. don't fight the memory of her, hold onto it with all you have, keep her fresh and alive in your mind and your heart. let yourself cry, feel the pain that you are feeling. God took them because that was His plan for them and for you. He knows what He is doing, even though we have no idea. You need to rest on Him, allow Him to ease your pain and your emptiness. you definitely need to talk to someone, whether it be a friend, a relative or me!! i truly feel for you and wish that i could help you in some way. the only thing i can tell you is to be strong, but allow yourself to do whatever you have to do to try and process all that you have been through. you are a strong girl and God has many plans for you!! email me if you need a friend..



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Answer 8

first of all,be good to urself.y consider the natural grieving process "weakness"? dont put harsh labels on urself.u have been thru so much,its NORMAL to cry .let urself do it! if u bottle it,u will never heal.tears and mourning are healing.bottling is counter-productive.u need to talk to a grief counselor.contact any church,any denomination,and u can get help free.contact hospice,where group or personal grief counseling is free.talk to ur school counselor about finding help.contact any local womens health clinic.if u have health insurance ,u can see a psychiatrist to work thru ur feelings.if not,find the free help i have mentioned.u are just 17.u have lost ur mom at a very young age.u need to talk.people need to help u make ur peace with it.never consider urself weak-u have borne so much pain ! it takes strength to ask for help and to get it.reach out,and let others help.

Answer 9

It sounds like you need some emotional support dealing with the grief associated with the loss of your mother. I'm so sorry that it has been so tough. Try contacting a place called The Neptune Society. They offer grief counseling for people who have lost loved ones. If you cannot find one in your area definitely talk to someone. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone.

Answer 10

You need to talk to someone so you can work through your pain and grief. The people at Girls and Boys Town have helped lots of teenagers with all sorts of issues. They can help you work through your pain. They may also be able to connect you to resources...someone to talk to in your area.

Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
(TTY 1-800-448-1833)

Call With any Problem, Anytime
Open 24 hours a day, everyday

Answer 11

I am so sorry that you lost your parents, especially at such a young age. Who are you living with now? Do you have any siblings? I can't imagine the pain that you feel. I pray for your strength. It is not easy. At this point in your life your standard of strength should be measured by the simple things. Don't be afraid to be weak at this point, it is expected. I wish you the best.