my boyfriend has just been told he has bipolar affective disorder. what do i do we been together for 7 years?

Question

He lost 3 people in 2 years and it has affected him in such a bad way. That the drs have diagnosed this. He can be unbearable to live with I watch the hypo episodes the angry episodes.I dont think i can throw away 7 years but do I want this for the rest of my life, He is under a mental health team but they are just giving him anti-depressents.Dont know what to do.Any advice.

Answer 1

uve been through the hard part already, dont despair...it will get better from hereon in...

hes been diagnosed now...now you know WHY hes had such major ups and downs, his mania and depression, its harder on u not to know why people are doing the things they do, its like walking on eggshells wondering when the next bout will be...

now it will be much better, he will be under doctor's care...antidepressants can be very powerful for some people, completely balancing out there life where before there was no hope...just stand by his side, it can be touch and go for the first little while with finding the right medication, he may not get better right away but once that right dose/med is found, he will have a whole new lease on life, ull see a completley changed person, much more balanced...

before u question to stay or go, ask urself this...what if it was you? would you want him to walk away from you because he didnt want to deal with a mental disorder that you could not control? or what if you got cancer and he decided it was too hard on him if you got sick?

just remember one thing...he now has a diagnosis, hes not just having ups and downs now, now you have a reason, you can attribute all those mood swings to something completely out of his control and now u can expect them and prepare for them and learn coping techniques for him and you until they balance out...but there is light at the end of hte tunnel now, trust the medical team, if u arent seeing changes, speak to more professionals, dont give up, its such a common disorder and so easily treated...if ur not getting the results or answers you are looking for talk to more doctors, until u see something that works...but just know that it takes time...antidepressants can take six weeks to build up in the system, he may need something like lithium depending on his severity, ask questions and do your own research to understand as much as you can about what he is going through, it will help both of you a great deal

i had a major anxiety/depression disorder and i still have major mood swings, anger can mask fear, but my bf has stood by my side and its only been two years for us...he researched my ocd, anxiety and panic and he can remove himself from it now...when im acting out he knows it has nothign to do with him, that im battling my own issues but he also knows that little by little im getting better every day, just be patient with him becuase chances are he would be there for you

good luck

Answer 2

Your best friend is always going to be yourself. You have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Bipolar is a difficult illness but it can be tackled. I know a couple of people with bipolar. They have had some bad episodes, including being sectioned, debt problems, etc. There are some good books out there, especially some that deal with a behavioural approach to tackling bipolar. Most sufferers know when a manic episode is starting and some of these books give you good strategies for tackling this. Be good to yourself, instead of "beating yourself up". Problems have happened in the past. You have not had the best start in life but that cannot be changed. The important thing is, to start NOW to change your life. Go to your local library or get some books from Amazon or any other bookseller, on BiPolar and how to deal with it. It can be done. Give yourself a "good" treat each time you read a chapter or practice a "good" habit that will help you improve your life the way you want.

Answer 3

The purpose of medication is to help him to not be experiencing such drastic extremes in thoughts and behavior.
Within a few months you should see more of the true HIM in the middle, between the extremes. Counseling/therapy along with the medication will help him to better understand why he does what he does and will learn some more reasonable ways to think of himself and others.

Bipolar is tough to live with. He will still be himself on the meds, and likely much easier to live with. But you can also count on his return to the uncontrolled behaviors if/when he ever stops taking his meds.

Only you can determine if you are willing to live in an up and down world. Are you more committed to the person? Or to the longevity of the couple's relationship? You could benefit from 3 or so therapy appointments as family of a bipolar person.

Answer 4

Well if he is bipolar he needs to be on a mood stabilizer as an antidepressant alone can send a person into mania. Which would explain the anger. If you are in the US there are a couple groups that have local support groups that are great for family, friends, and the diagnosed as well. The Depression Bipolar Support Alliance has meetings all over. Go to www.dbsalliance.org to find local meetings. National Alliance for Mental Illness has a course for family of people with mental illness. www.nami.org to find local meetings. Best thing I can say is learn as much as you can about the illness. Get support for you. Just try your best to be there for him. Online support groups on Yahoo are helpful too.

Answer 5

Maybe he should also see a therapist to help him with his bipolar and talk about issues.

I have anxiety depression and I have been trying an alternative therapy called Emotional Freedom Technique and it has really worked for me and helped me a lot. Since using it I have been feeling a lot better. It's very good at getting rid of all kinds of negative emotions and dealing with all kinds of issues quickly. It does sound bizarre but does work. Might be something that can help you. These are some links about it. If you look in the search engine of the first website emofree.com and type bipolar you should find lots of articles about EFT being used on bipolar.

Answer 6

If you really don't want to give up on him, just make sure he keeps an open line of communication with his dr. If he continues having episodes even on medication, let them know he needs something else. My son is bipolar as well. Once we have found the right medicine, it has made a world of difference. Also make sure he takes his medicine all the time. Some bipolar people don't feel they need it when things are going well. This is a mistake.

Answer 7

Your boyfriends condition is likely to be a long term one, research on the net will help you to understand it, and the options open to him, but I feel you are unsure if you want to take this kind of condition on as a partner, and I can see where you are coming from on this, its bloody hard, and sometimes a bit frightening, mental health illness is or can be a nightmare to live with, there is no stablilty for you, you never know what kind of mood your partner will be in, your socal life will suffer and you will feel resentful, because everything will always be about him, and how he is feeling, this can be habit forming on his part, sometimes mental health issues can take over a life, and the illness becomes the life, which, quite frankly is something you will not be able to live with.

However, I would give it six months, see if his meds work, talk to him about it, I know he wont want to hear it, and will be outraged you are thinking of yourself, but at the end of the day your choice is clear, you either give up your life to put up with his, or you clear out, a hard choice and you will feel bad about it, but its your life, and you must live it as you see fit, maybe living in separate houses/flats would help, more space for you to get away from him, and better quality time together, ie only see him when he is stable.

Anyway, whichever way you look at this, its going to be difficult, but be brave, stand up for yourself dont let his illness take over your life, good luck, and I hope things go well for you.

Answer 8

It is a difficult situation for you. I myself am bipolar and know how difficult I can be to live with. If he is bipolar then the doc should be considering putting him on a mood stabiliser which may help curb the severity of his hypo episodes. I would suggest you ask the doc about this as you know him best and see him 24/7. Also a book called "loving someone with bipolar disorder" by Julie Fast and John Preston is excellent in terms of tips and insights to the illness for partners. Feel free to email me if you fancy a chat and just need to talk. I send my best wishes to you both. [e-mail] xx

Answer 9

I would suggest going looking on the web for any information you can find on the Bipolar disorder. I do know that it's no pretty and they he will be on meds from this point on. I would suggest starting at www.webmd.com.

Since being together than long, I don't think this diognosis should be a what do I do question. You should be supportive and learn as much as you can to understand the situation.

With the right meds and counseling he may very well be ok. GL

Answer 10

He doesn't need antidepressants, he needs medication for bipolar disorder. There are quite a few on the market today:

Seroquel
Lamictal
Lithium

Just to name a few. If his psychiatrist is only prescribing an antidepressant, he needs to change doctors. A cocktail of different drugs has been found to be very effective too. It will take a while for the drugs to take effect, and they will probably have to adjust them several times before they get them right. Once they have him stable, he won't fly off the handle so quickly or so violently. Perhaps he will never be easy to live with, but with the proper drug regimen he should be tolerable (which is all we can ask of anybody, right?)