Okay..
My BF has this female friend he has known before me which I dont mind. The problem is is that she has no car, a two year old so she constantly needs people to take her places. She does this with my BF and many other people.
I cant stand this girl. She makes me wanna take her out. Reason being because she doesnt know how to respect people relationships and boundary levels. I find her often interrupting my time with my BF because she needs a favor here and there. She doesnt do it alot but the times she does do it, it revolves around my time with my BF whether we are out doing something or just enjoying each other. He doesnt help her like before but it still bothers me when she does. She is in the military and sometimes she needs a ride home. It makes me wonder how she gets to work and care for her child at the sametime. I dont have a problem with him being her friend, but it pisses me off that she doesnt do for herself? Everytime I see her I get closer to cussing her out!!!
2007-08-02 11:12:11 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
How do I handle this without coming off as jealous and to prevent her from dying?
2007-08-02 11:12:42 · update #1
Juana, this is what I would do if I was in your spot, I would first talk to my bf and tell him how I feel about what you said and get his response first and if he agrees with you then i would sit and talk with this friend and make it clear that you and your bf don't mind to help from time to time, but there are other means of transportation out there, the bus, train or cabs,if she has a two year child then she should be able to have enough for a vehicle, there are charities out there and i am sure in your location there is one were charities will give you car or make payment plan ultra cheap and her having a kid helps her case out even more. But I would make limits with her, if not this will become between you & bf, so take care of it now with class and be the bigger person so your bf doesn't think that you are coming off as a jealous person. And oh yeah.... if this sitting down thing doesn't work then ya take the bit**h out!! Just kidding it will work out and if it doesn't then this means that maybe there might be something a little bit more going on between your bf and his friend, I hope not though.
2007-08-02 11:38:17 · answer #1 · answered by kelly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well unfortunately since you are jealous--it will look like it.
How often does he help this girl? I understand you being jealous and you have every right to but if he is helping this girl once a week or less than that, you really don't have a leg to stand on here.
HOWEVER if she is calling for favors daily (and he just doesn't give in daily)--or specifically only calling on a night that she knows is your "date night" that is completely different. I have had friends in that situation where she could only see her boyfriend on Sundays and coincidently this one girl only needed a favor on Sundays. Turns out they were a lot more than friends and she was right to suspect him.
However if she just once every couple weeks calls him for a ride home--you have to allow the boy to have friends. After all, he was friends with her before hand and you can't control him. But do explain to him why she makes you upset and ask if you can ride with sometimes. He drops her off and the 2 of you go out. Be suspicious if he refuses to allow you around her. If she is his friend and just his friend than she must accept a woman who he is serious about. If not, she is up to no good.
2007-08-02 11:23:58 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm confused... you said she doesnt do it alot, but you kinda want to take her out, but you dont want to come off as being a jealous girlfriend. Everyone has those friends that always need something... sounds like your boyfriend is making efforts to stop it from getting crazy...(you said he doesnt help her like before) I guess it just sounds like you dont care if they are friends if he never sees her.... not trying to sound mean, but when people are friends they do favors for each other....I can understand being a little miffed that she is always needing things, but your boyfriend has to be the one to address this problem with her... if you say anything about it to her directly you will forever be known in her mind as her friends' "jealous b*** of a girlfriend" and i am not saying that u are in any way... but that is how she will see it if you say something. Talk to your boyfriend and let him know that it bothers you, BUT also assure him that you are ok with them being friends, you would just like her to not call as often for favors.
Good Luck to You!
2007-08-02 11:31:32 · answer #3 · answered by legends_chick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you and your bf need to sit with her and tell her that you don't mind helping her out every once in a while but there are limits. she should be told that she needs to figure out other forms of transportation so she isn't always relying on friends. reassure her that you don't mind and don't care that your bf and her are friends but she is taking time away from you with him. ask her if there is a bus or something she could take? maybe buy her a bus pass or whatever public transportation there is near her. tell her that she can call if she really is in a emergency situation or if you two aren't spending time with each other or doing something important. tell her that there are going to be boundaries and she needs to respect them. she is still doing this cause no one has put their foot down to tell her the way it is.
2007-08-02 11:20:43 · answer #4 · answered by cowgirlclub 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask your Bf what it is that he likes about her. She has either been there for him or he just feels sorry for her. Anyway, find out and then see if you can find some way of liking her for the same reason. I'm with you though, she should be able to work things out without calling your Bf. If he were to tell her no one time she may not ask anymore.
2007-08-02 12:25:03 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Candi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is not the one to blame. You bf knows you have a problem with it, he should respect it. You should be mad at him, not her. If he starts telling her no, then she'll start relying on someone else.
2007-08-02 12:39:04 · answer #6 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say talk to your boyfriend.. almost this same situation happend to me. It might be easier if you can talk to your boyfriend about it and since he is friends with her, it will be better for him to say something to her, maybe rather than you say something to her.. Tell your boyfriend to talk to her, you deserve the time with your boyfriend
2007-08-02 11:22:41 · answer #7 · answered by Manderz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
all i can say is just trust your boyfriend and communicate these feelings you have to him, that way maybe talking about to him will make u feel better
2007-08-02 11:23:22 · answer #8 · answered by aNiTis 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to Engagements and Weddings!
Dump the boyfriend. Your problem is with him, not with her.
2007-08-02 14:50:39 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋