Today I learned that my "dad" isn't really my dad,but instead he is my biological big brother,there is a 15 year age gap between us. He explained to me why our parents couldn't taking care of me because of their unhealthy relationship which led to our mom's death and our dad leaving us. Once my brother was old enough to be a guardian he went through all of the legal aspects and took me as his daughter,at that time I was still a baby. I know I shouldn't be mad at my"dad"because he and my"mom"raised me my entire life,they're great parents and always treated me like I was their biological daughter. It's just that all these years I actually thought that my brother was my dad, my sister in law was my mom,and my nephew as my little brother. It makes sense now why I only resemble my "dad" since he's the only one in the family actually related to me by blood. He and my"mom"got sad when I stopped calling them mom and dad. My dad told me that he loves me and sees me as a daughter not a sister.
2007-08-02 10:46:01 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You need to remember that there is a lot more to being a mom and a dad that what DNA and blood lines say. These two adults are your parents because they love you as a daughter, more than I can say for some biological parents in our world, let them continue to be your parents. I think it is probably a shock, but you should be so proud of your family and that your brother was willing to do this how awesome.
You are very lucky that you did not get seperated from your brother, you are still with your family.....no matter what you call them!!
2007-08-02 10:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by Oh me oh my...♥ 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I understand you being hurt, but you should still call them mom and dad. He stepped up to the plate when a lot of other "brothers" would have let another family member take you. I have a sister who is 14 years younger than me and I honestly do feel like she is one of my kids because my mom died when she was 11, she lived with her dad (my step dad) but my sisters and I have been her mother figures, so I guarantee you he does see you as daughter and not a sister. Give it some time and actually it took a lot of courage for him to tell you the truth, I think you should talk it out and continue on as a family because either way you are and if his wife has raised you as her daughter she is also family, it does not always have to be blood to be family.
2007-08-02 17:53:11 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ooooooooh, tough question! I can see how you would feel betrayed about not knowing. It is perfectly acceptable for a brother to raise his sister, you wouldn't have loved him any differently either, I'm sure. However, if he was really young, I'm guessing 18, perhaps it was really difficult for a teenage boy to have that conversation with a child once that child is old enough to understand. He's probably gone with his gut instincts, and tried to protect you from the hard facts that happened years ago. It's not like he deceived you to hurt you, more to stop you from feeling abandoned and neglected. The fact that you know now shouldn't change the love to anger, try thinking about what he went through as a teen raising a baby. Tell him you wish he had been honest from the start, but that you don't know what you would do in that situation yourself. Good luck, mend the bridges, at least you have someone who cares.
2007-08-02 17:55:48 · answer #3 · answered by i_8_the_canary 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I understand why you reacted in a negative manner. Anger is understandable when your neat little world all of a sudden turn out to be a lie, a white lie, mind you, but still a lie.
What did they expect from you? You are bewildered and shocked.
How old are you now and why did they choose to only tell you now? They could have told you from the start or ages ago.
My first thought is suspicion. What is the game plan? What is the ulterior motive? What do you guys want. Did you have a plan in mind?
Talk it out with a trusted relative or a teacher or a priest or pastor. Ask for guidance.
What did you do to them that started the revelation?
Be respectful. Dont be openly hostile. After all you are being raised by them,
Chew the facts , appreciate the fact that he took you under his wing when he didnt have to. Are financial matters getting harder for him? Is this a hint that you should be going out to get a job to help out earn a living?
Be prepared for to show some maturity when you get some answers.
2007-08-02 18:07:24 · answer #4 · answered by QuiteNewHere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heyy... aweeee..... this is cute and sad at the same time... well i see it as both ways. that you would want him to be your dad ..but then again he is your brother. . But think about it.. what is a dad... a dad to me is someone who is there for you nomatter what.. wont leave your side..n is totally with you... he will not hurt you or leave u....he wil love you no matter what.. yeah he is not your biloigcial dad... but he sure does fil the posion of one.. even if he is your brother..... ur real dad has gone up n left you both.. also .. what about him.. he dosnt have a dad to be there. if he just left yous.. and also .. thats great of your brother to take care of u when he is 15... usally they are too busy thinking of there friends goin out and girls.. you are very lucky to have such a great brother/dad
If anyone is beong rude to the family it is ur real dad... you have not chosen this.. u were jus brought in to it.. and also your brother did not decide on day taht he wants a dauther.. y not it be his sister... .things happen for a reason.mayb this way so u wold have a better life... you get me.. well... just be strong... if u want to be there as his daughter or sister. taht is up to u .. just be there for him in what ever way u can.......
and goood luck
and dont blam urself for anything....
2007-08-02 19:01:50 · answer #5 · answered by steph n 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, your brother did something that most teenagers may not have been able to do. Remember, he was still a kid when he decided to take on you as a responsibility. He's not perfect, but he did what he thought was best for you. And it WAS best, so give him a break and get over it. He really didn't have a "youth" phase of his life...he gave that up to be your "Dad", now show him some respect and appreciation.
2007-08-02 18:07:20 · answer #6 · answered by julesl68 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a bunch of confusing dishonesty they raised you with. It's not healthy and you should get therapy and sort yourself out. You are not being rude. You are probably the only sane one in the bunch. You have been betrayed severely. However, as you go through counseling and work out the issues you can come to a better relationship with these people.
The problem is they lied about some very serious stuff that goes to the core of your sense of identity, so it will take a lot of work on their part to earn your trust again, which they should work hard to do. It sounds like they did the best they could, but it's all very creepy. At school there is probably access to a good counselor.
2007-08-02 17:57:38 · answer #7 · answered by Dr. Obvious 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Wow what a great brother! To take on that kind
of responsibly at such a young age. He could have just walk a away and let go into some kind of foster care system. I think as you get older and become a mother yourself you will see what a great gift you have in your father/ brother.
Be thankful.
2007-08-02 17:58:00 · answer #8 · answered by Lady053 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This would be most unsettling to anyone..Perhaps you should seek professional counseling to help you resolve your conflicting emotions. I can only imagine the great love and responsibility you brother must have for you to have gone through all the legal entanglement and financial burden of adoption, however I can understand your confusion as to why he chose to consider you as a daughter instead of a sister...Please see a pro councilor or a minister of your faith....God Bless you Girl.............
2007-08-02 18:05:25 · answer #9 · answered by pondlady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you wish to stop calling them "mom" & "dad" doesn't mean that you have stopped loving them. Make this clear to them. You can still look up to them and come to them for advice and ask them for help when you need it and the change in title doesn't change how you feel about them.
Let them know that this is difficult for you and you are still sorting it all out in your head, but your felings for them have not changed. It may not be easy on them either, but as loving caregivers, they will not deny you the chance to come to your own conclusions on this.
Remember that you may feel one way today and another tomorrow, and it will take time for you to wrap your head around it and move on. Continue to have an open dialogue with them for as long as you need to come to terms with it.
It will get better.
Good luck to you.
Bobby Darin (a famous singer - before your time) went through something similar.
2007-08-02 18:04:52 · answer #10 · answered by :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋