I still have feelings for my ex whom I've recently re-built a friendship with... what to do?

Question

Three years ago I met the girl whom I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with, but after being together for a year we went through a very rough breakup. Her going back and forth with wanting to be friends and being distant from me, made the breakup more hurtful and confusing. This went on for the course of a year. We finally went through a full year of not speaking to each other, which during this time she dated other guys.
A full year later she contacted me on msn and we engaged in casual conversation and became acquaintances. Today about 8 months later we are hanging out and seem to be good friends once again. My problem is I sill have feelings for her, which makes things difficult. Sometimes I sense she has feeling for me as well, but it’s hard to judge sometimes. One may answerer… “what are you waiting for ask her out… the time is now” but there are some barriers. She first of all is currently with someone and second, asking her may risk everything we accomplished in rebuilding. I think we’re likely both a bit afraid and confused right now, but what should I do? Is this just a case of time will tell and if it’s meant to be it will? Any insights? Maybe we’re better as good friends, but I don’t know…

Answer 1

if her "wishy-washy" attitude didnt do you any good in the beginning, i wouldnt ask her out now. you guys broke up for a reason.....
she cant make up her mind. accept the fact that you two are great friends. if she is involved with someone, i would advise you to let her be happy. u wouldnt want someone to impose on your relationship. let your ex BE your ex.

Answer 2

Look first of all if she is your ex is for a reason. Til this day I have not met one couple that has gotten back together for a second try and who are happy. I always say that if it didnt work the first time around, chance are it's never gonna work.

Its obvious she has moved on since since she has someone else in her life. So I think you should do the same. You need to put her in your past and if talking to her and being friends is not letting you then stop the communication with her until you are completely ready and over her.

If you dont you will be hurt once again and you prob will never get over her.

Good luck

Answer 3

First of all, you don't want to ask anything about feelings right now if she is with someone she likes. That might show you don't care about her, and wanting what might be best for her. What you need to do is help her if she has problems and be there for her, you don't have to just verbally express your feelings, women understand them better when you just show them what you are feeling. As I have experienced expressing your feelings with someone in that situation just leads to akwardness and possibly her distancing herself from you. If the guy truly isn't right for her, help her understand that. Good luck with everything, and I hope you two can make it or you find someone you can be happy with.

Answer 4

Maybe being just being friends for now is the right thing to do. It sounds to me that you need a little while to figure it out. Maybe in the future things will work out but right now it should probably be a mutual friendship for the best.

Answer 5

I think...that she was not ready to settle into a firm relationship then and probably is not ready now either.. so you would be setting yourself up for another heart ache..
You put yourself out there once for her and by your own words you can not really tell if she is ready to pick up again. "interested" She knows what you wanted and still want in a relationship. So saying that ...you let her come to you if in deed she is ready to have that type of relationship again. In the meantime...go out and enjoy yourself. Do not put yourself of a shelf waiting for her to come pick you this time. Gets awful lonely and you get dusty in the process. Shake it off and have fun when your together but do not wear your heart on your sleeve. You know that saying...
Trick my once shame on you..
Trick me twice shame on me.

Answer 6

she may need you right now more as a friend than anything else because you two are familiar with each other and you may be able to help her with her current situation. i think patience is key here. if it's meant to be, give it some time and it will happen. i wouldn't recommend ruining what you've been able to build back up with her by trying to rush things.

Answer 7

You said it yourself - she is with someone.

Now think about it.... she is "with" someone and yet she calls you....

I think she is a girl who does not know what she wants and is not really ready to settle down.

Hang out with her if you want - just know she has very little to offer you in the way of a relationship and certainly not the one you are wanting.

If it were me.... I would move on and quit fixating on someone I can't have.

Answer 8

Be straight and ask her, even if it may risk everything u rebuilt, I think it's a good thing becuz if she dosen't love u anymore, then it'll make u painful just to be with her.

Answer 9

Yes, exs are exs for a reason. Looks like u have to learn again, sorry. But looks like she won't travel the road again, shes not that into u---------u'll see.

Answer 10

WELL I THINK YOU SHOULD ASK HER IF SHES FULLY HAPPY WITH HER RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER GUY BECOUSE YOU DONT WANT TO START PROBLEMS WITH HER AND HER BOYFRIEND,IF SHE ASYS YES THEN KEP IT TO YOUR SELF BUT IF YOU CANT KEEP IT TO YOURSELF THEN TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL BUT MAKE SURE HER MAN DONT FIND OUT .BUT THINK LIKE THIS IF YOU COULD HOLD THEN HOLD IT IN IF YOU CANT WELL THEN TELL HER .......REMBER IF YOU LOVE SOME ONE ITS HARD TO JUST BE THERE FRIEND...BELIVE ME I KNOW HOW U FEEL