i broke up with my ex about 4 months ago, for a lot of reasons, and some of them had to do with him acting like a jerk. i never told him those reasons, and i really dont know why. and now he's being even more obnoxious, and he thinks he's completely innocent and im just ignoring him to be mean. but honestly, im being as nice as i can by not saying anything. i come from a church where everybody knows everyone else's business. and his family is the worst. you tell one person in the family something, and two days later the whole church knows, and the story's gotten twisted around ten times. so if i tell him how i feel, itll get around to everyone and ill be made out to be the bad guy, while he looks completely innocent. my family is very strict, and my mom keeps telling me to try and be nice to him and not tell him what i really think about him. but i dont know if i can hold it in any longer. what should i do??? thnx for the help.
2007-08-02 08:40:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tell him! We are guys, not naturally intuitive, not mind readers!
2007-08-02 08:45:42 · answer #1 · answered by Tom T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have been strong by not saying anything for 4 months. I think you should stick with your guns and let sleeping dogs lie. There is nothing to be gained by talking to him. If you talk to him it will likely get twisted around and you will have no control over it. Your mom needs to know that guys often can't just be friends after a break up. But I do agree with not telling him what you really think of him. If you really get to the stage that you feel you have to say something to him, prepare yourself with a statement such as, "It's over. I need to move on." Don't say anything negative about him. You are being nice by not saying anything to him. So stay nice. Try to search out another church or at least refuse to gossip. A good statement is "I do not gossip about anyone except movie stars." or "I don't gossip about my friends" even.
2007-08-02 09:06:03 · answer #2 · answered by HelpingHand 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is NEVER a good idea to keep your feelings bottled up inside especially in a situation such as your own. Tell him EVERYTHING. Don't be worried about what others are going to think. Even if you are made out to be the heavy, it is best that you get everything off your chest.
Advice on your church: when you are old enough, get out of there. Church is supposed to be a place for fellowship, not gossip. Find a church in which you are comfortable rather than one in which you are judged.
Judge lest ye be judged.
Best of luck
2007-08-02 08:48:29 · answer #3 · answered by tranquilpsycho 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know in life it should only matter that we know the truth about things that happen! We should be satisfied with that! But we are human and cant just let it go sometimes! Talk to a friend or parent, who ever will listen to get it off your chest and then go on with your life! Soemtimes it is best to keep things private, just between the involved parties! You didnt share the specifics so it is hard to give advice! Were you married or BF/BG? I might ask him in front of his parents or yours or in front of a church official, to Please leave you alone! You could ask him to meet with you and the pastor to settle things. You could just ignore him. You dont have to be "nice" to him but you dont have to bemean either. Find the medium ground and just ignore him. Soon he will tire of being ignored and go pick on someone else! If he runs around spreading gossip, it just makes him look bad! Dont encourage the gossip by doing the same thing. If someone asks you a direct question about whats going on with you two, then answer them. Dont cut him down or make it a big thing, just provide the facts and let them decide what or who to beleive. Invite your self over to his house and talk about it with his parents.
2007-08-02 08:52:21 · answer #4 · answered by tpettee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that instead of telling him, u should write him a letter so that the story doesnt make u look like the bad person in it and then it isnt all mixed up when it is going through the church.
2007-08-02 08:47:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard but let it go. Soon he will tire of the situation and hopefully leave you alone. Be glad you saw him for what he is , and broke up with him. Sounds like a real jerk! You deserve better!
2007-08-02 08:44:34 · answer #6 · answered by makeloans2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you say will fall on deaf ears. If he is a jerk then guess what he won't own up to what he did. Forget him,
move on and ignore him. Find a new guy and be happy
2007-08-02 08:45:04 · answer #7 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I PARTLY agree with your mother. Don't tell him anything mean or ugly that would hurt him or get around. DO tell him to LEAVE YOU ALONE. And do this in your firmest manner. Tell him his attentions are NOT wanted and he is being obnoxious.
2007-08-02 08:44:49 · answer #8 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is the primary key in being a relationship. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. However if you feel unhappy with him...then why be with him.
2007-08-02 08:44:40 · answer #9 · answered by Joe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it is really eating you up on the inside, then you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart. You can't hold in negative thoughts forever.
2007-08-02 08:46:09 · answer #10 · answered by Geoffrey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the love of god, tell him, the one thing i hate most ( being male is being left in the dark about somthing, that i am invloved in, i vote tell him
2007-08-02 08:43:48 · answer #11 · answered by Jerky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋