Agnostics & Atheists: If dinner guests at YOUR house ask you to say grace, what do you say?

Question

Just curious because I'm married with two kids and when we have my parents over at our house, my parents insist on having a family prayer. We'll be into our second or third bite of food and my parents will sit there and refuse to eat until we pray. I am not a Christian anymore and my parents know that (and they know we don't want to teach the kids Christianity) but they still ask all of us to pray with them before they eat. My husband and I do not pray with my parents but we'll stand there and listen to the grace and we let the kids pray along with them if they want (that bugs me but I can't stop my kids from doing what they want). I always feel insulted that we should be expected to say grace. I don't mind if they say a prayer on their own but to ask us all of us to do it before we eat? Isn't that rude since it's my own house and I'm not religious?

pwwatson888:

My husband? Thanking him for the food? No, sorry, honey. I am the only one who works in my house. I make all the money, don't assume he's the breadwinner. Secondly, I don't feel the need to thank anyone for the food, eating it is all I want to do! :)

Answer 1

I would ask them to lead, then join hands, bow my head for a few seconds, and keep my mouth shut.

If it means that much to them, and they're not asking for any big sacrifice on my part, I'm not going to begrudge them a few seconds of my time.

Answer 2

It's courteous, when asked by mere acquaintances to offer grace, to allow the guest to say a prayer if he likes, but in those cases I make it known that it isn't my usual way of doing things.... and I add that I'm an atheist.

If your guests are close friends or family... just laugh and say something on the order of... "Sorry not today. I'd rather not spoil my appetite on tripe and I really, really prefer to eat my food while it's still fresh.... Now...Sit and eat!"

If you were at my house and asked, knowing that I'm an atheist, I would respond: "We don't usually do that around here, you know... Our thing is generally to tell the best dirty jokes we know before meals, and often during and after meals, too, but if you really would like to say a prayer of thanks to your god, be my guest and we'll go ahead with our thing when you've finished. And please, don't be to long winded, I've got as real thigh-slapper about a horny preacher with an exceptional taste for perversion.

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Answer 3

I am a Christian too but I was an atheist from 14-22. I am also a mother of 2. Sometimes I think that people of the majority religion become pushy and uncompromising. One golden rule of Christianity is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you..." How would your parents feel if you went to their house and said a "prayer" from another religion or spoke immediately of aethesism in front of their young children?

I do believe in respect and I know you agree that is important. We want to teach our children to respect our parents by doing that ourselves (plus it's the right thing to do) BUT what about teaching our children that parents should respect their children? I see this less as a religious thing and more of a power issue.

I guess you can't harbor your children from other religions and you may not even want to so they will be wholly educated of history, religion, etc. but this is rather bullyish, no? If this really bothers you then warn your parents to say their prayers in their heads or not have dinner at your home anymore. Reassure them that you won't interfere with their rules at their house anymore then they will at yours. Also, remind them that if they want to spread the seeds of Christ's message this is a funny way of doing it -rather overbearing and counterproductive...Remember I am a Christian but it is not a faith of disrespect or one that comes with the power to steamroll over anyone's feelings.
I would not be able to enjoy dinner after someone so disrespected me-esp. my own parents. Christianity does not get special rights to disrespect.

Answer 4

i know what it is like and it is VERY disrespectful, especially for the kids who don't really know what is going on and will go with whatever a grown up tells them.

I KNOW for a fact that whenever my kids visit my mother or my mother-in-law's house, they both take advantage and tell my kids stuff about how their religion (my mom's a hardcore catholic, mother-in-law hardcore christian [needless to say, they hate each other's religions]) is the true one, how i am a liar and not to pay attention to what i, or the other granny tells them.

My oldest daughter (2yrs) once came home talking about Jesus, and i had NEVER even mentioned the name before. This is so rude i just want to tell my kids to run away from their grandmothers but i don't -for respect to them.

You should let your parents pray for whatever and whoever they want, but be strict about your rules: your kids are not going to participate because that may confuse them, and you are not going to be part of the circus because it is not your show.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

My dinner guests would likely know about my lack of religious affiliation and wouldn't ask me to say grace.

However, if it did happen I would politely decline. If they insist (as your parents seem to) I would bow my head, but first I would ask them if they would be terribly offended by me not joining them. If they wouldn't be offended by it, then I would not join them. (Bowing my head just for the sake of politeness seems like lying to me, so I'd avoid it if I could.)

I'd also tell them that any prayers I would say would be insincere, because I simply cannot bring myself to believe in God and say them sincerely. Hopefully, by then they'd understand. If not I'd tell them that I think it's rude for them to force their religion upon me. You're an adult now and old enough to make your own decisions. If your parents still can't see that, that's their problem. Hopefully, though, this can be resolved amicably.

Answer 6

You know what? I was also a Christian. Anyway, just tell them before the next time they come over that you are not going to pray. Or you could take initiative and pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. May His Noodly Appendage grow ever long. Ramen.

Answer 7

During a recent family gathering one of my friends encountered a sticky situation. They have family members of a variety of beliefs (Buddhist, Agnostic*, Wiccan, & Catholic). The person who was asked to say a prayer before the meal tied all of those in some how so no one's belief was left out. They did it off the top of their head. I wish someone would've recorded it!

Answer 8

I'm a Christian, and I think it's just respectful to let your parents say grace. My father-in-law is Jewish, and I respect his beliefs, and he respects mine. But I also agree that you shouldn't be forced to participate if you don't believe in it. As I always say in this forum, everyone has free will. And your parents should respect your choices.

Re. your children, so many Atheists claim that Christianity is forced on kids. (I disagree.) But they also say that kids should be able to make up their own minds. So I would let your kids say grace with their grandparents if they choose, just as you choose not to. Your kids may be just respecting their grandparents' beliefs. But if there's more to it, wouldn't you let them chose what they want to believe, just as you did?

Answer 9

Oh...this just happened to me last week, we had visitors over, and they say grace. Previously, I would have at least bowed my head, in respect for their beliefs...but I didn't this time and I will not in the future.

There is no reason why I should be expected to show respect for nonsensical harmful beliefs.

I was actually thinking at the time, that I should maybe say a prayer to the Flying Spaghetti Monster...to make a point, but I didn't.

Answer 10

Let your parents say grace before dinner since it obviously matters to them. Be a gracious hostess - you don't have to partake. Just politely bow your head and wait until it's done - think happy thoughts.

Answer 11

I would give a secular statement.

Perhaps something like the following:

"Let us be thankful for the food we are about to eat, and remember those who don't have enough food. Let us remember to enjoy friendships and family bonds, which will help us enjoy life to its fullest. And finally, let us be thankful to our host for cooking this great meal. Thank you."

If other people want to say something separate to whatever superstition they believe in, fine. However, my words would be directed towards other people, not gods.

If they want something said before the meal, fine. However, you should be free to say what you wish. If you have to sit through theirs at their house, they can surely respect you in the same way.