Questions for spankers? (I have one, too!)?

Question

Be honest here... Do you know any children who are not spanked at all, but who are as well behaved or better behaved than your own children?

Answer 1

Honestly? I sure do! I don't spank exclusively, but it's a definite form of punishment in my home. I've got 2 friends, a neighbour, a work colleague and one family member (I think that's all) who don't spank, ever. They have great kids! I'll go out on a limb here, and betray the side a little, lol, and say that I really do admire parents who don't spank! I know for me, I lose my cool just a little, and I don't always have the patience to do the time out thing....I do know if you keep at it it works great, my sister in law and best friend use it almost exclusively.
I'm not likely to stop spanking anytime soon, unless I turn into a saint-ha!-but I think as long as you have discipline, you're doing a great job!

EDIT I just had to add this after I read the other answers: Come on people! You wonder why the anti-spankers run us down? We're giving them the edge! You know what my son did yesterday in Wal-Mart? He threw a real life, honest to goodness tantrum! I love how everyone says, "you see those kids acting out in the store, because they never got spanked"...I see kids who get spanked act like that too. Lets just be proud of *any* parenting choices we make, instead of resorting to stupid irrational comments.

Answer 2

Sorry NO,

I know completely well that a child CAN be raised successfully WITHOUT spanking, it's just that I haven't come across one that I think is showing what (my husband) and I deem acceptable behavior (we also have high standards). Then again, I also know parents who do spank (or I should say use physical punishment) and their children are no better. Most of my daughters close friends that my husband and I think are a joy to be around, do on occasion get spankings. That's just how it works our in our situation.

Many readers of my reply will think I am bias (which we parents all are of our children) However we are also the most critical of any parents I know.

Answer 3

To be perfectly honest... NO. Every child I know that isnt spanked is rather rude. A friend of mine has one she doesnt spank and he thinks he can talk to her any way he pleases because she doesnt force the issue and doesnt push her punishements. But as most have said, if you can find a way to discipline your child that does not include spanking, and works, then go for it! Some children respond better to time outs and words than spankings, some just dont. Its up to the parent to decide what is best for their child.
My biggest problem with people who dissagree with spanking is those who do not have children trying to tell me that it is wrong. I have had several women in stores tell me I was a bad mother because I have popped my children for doing something I have told them over and over not to do. My response is first to ask them "Do you have children" If they say no, and before anyone points this out i know its rude but, I say "Well when you either spit one out, go through the tears and fears of adopting, or raise one yourself, dont tell me how to raise mine" and i walk off. If they say yes, then I ask them how their children behave and sometimes it ends up a nice conversation where we exchange ideas, sometimes not,.
Every parent is different just like every child is different, do things the way you see fit, the way your child responds to. Today we dont need to sit and argue about what is the right way and what is the wrong way, we need more parents that actually take part in childrens lives and do give discipline to make our children respectful and responsible adults so that our future is not run by a bunch of bad mouthed heathens that didnt learn anything as children. It doesnt matter how that discipline is given out, whether it be time out or spankings.

Answer 4

My mother has 4 brothers, all of whom have children. There are 9 grandchildren in all. Every one of us was raised with a fair hand, spankings included EXCEPT 1.

The one who's mother refused to spank him is now 18 yrs old and still has not graduated high school. He will not leave the house, spends the whole of his time on the computer. He is brilliant! Each of his parents started their own businesses 30 yrs ago and both are remarkably well off. My uncle wanted to discipline his child but his wife would not let him. Now they have a spoiled rotten adult living in their basement.

The rest of us have all been very well behaved, mannerly, no trouble. Those of us grown have attended college, hold down good jobs and are emotionally secure in ourselves. The younger ones pull in good grades, play sports and have great social lives. But the one, has no friends, because they don't want to put up with his selfish spoiled attitude. He doesn't have a driver's license because he doesn't ever leave the house. He does make money designing computer programs from home, because he is very bright. It's just a shame.

We joke about our spankings as kids. Remember dad walking down the hallway snapping his belt, or that mom could never find her wooden mixing spoons because we hid them.

Answer 5

I think the most important issue is WHY they're not spanked, and the alternative. I believe a parent who finds a more *effective* method for their own child can still raise them right, and they'll be respectful and as behaved as kids can be. It's the parents who think it's wrong to deny their kids anything, or ever say "no" who raise the JD's.
Spanking certainly does not guarantee you're raising/disciplining your kid right....b/c it can be more damaging, if done inconsistently, or ever in anger.
Some kids are devastated at simply being called out, or put in time out, b/c they want to please you by nature. Some kids need a little pop to realize, ok, if I do this, I get hurt a little.....note to self, don't do it any more.
Spanking can be as ineffective as not, so make sure you're effectively communicating the right message to your own kid, rather than which punishment you're using.

Answer 6

no not one, when I was younger I got spanked a few times , but i was a good kid always in my own world, I spank my kids today , but when needed , people have told me I have very well manored children , I don't believe in the belt or any other object to cause brusing or other serious damage , but a spank from my hand once just to sting they don't doit again gurantee. But it takes alot for mom to get upset, to want to give them a spnken so when i do it hurts them more knowing mom is really upset... I praise my kids every day, lots of hugs and kisses and playing fun games...as long as you rae not beating yor kids ,A swap on the bottom is not going to hurt them ... It will help them in the future with respecting others!

Answer 7

erm......no!
But i'm not saying it can't or doesn't happen.
There are mother's out there who are incredibly soft spoken and relaxed and handle their kids very very mildly and the kids turn out just fine, but behind closed doors i don't know if they get spanked. This is just a board, we don't know the entire life story or what has ever happened with the people on here or even if it holds any truth.
I spank, my 3y/o and 18m/o are incredibly polite and so well behaved in public, BUT for discipline also it's not just the spanking that helps the hcild grow up "good", what actually teaches them is sctructure, stablility and then i think having both parent's show affection helps.
Also, my husband and i NEVER argue loud, we debate and then we laugh about it after. So my girls share and are relaxed around one another. They see us dance in the kitchen and he chases us all then we turn the tables, we just have fun - life is too short for arguments and resements.

PS: I was beat up by my parent's growing up, my step dad actually strangled me and threw me down the stairs and guess what, i have never ever beat anyone up, i've never been arrested and say ma'am and sir with the utmost curtacy! I think it depends on the individual, personally.

Answer 8

Nope, don't know of any. And I have yet to hear how non spanking parents say their kids are much better behaved than those that weren't spanked every once in a while.

When a parent asks a child if they want a spanking, they aren't expecting a yes answer. That's a rhetorical question in which the child knows if they act up they're going to get a swat. That's like those parents who ask if their kids want a time out. That's a warning, not a question they expect to be answered with a yes.

To mom of 2, yes, when spanked kids act out in stores, one swat solves the problem right then. The time out kids will only get punished when they get home, which could be an hour or two away.

One time my brothers ex stepson(wife refused to allow physical discipline,which is a huge reason they divorced) acted up in the mall. He was hitting both his mom and my mom. He was 11. He threw a tantrum. My mom grabbed him and was about to smack him. A lady nearby stuck her nose in it and threatened to turn her in if she didn't get her hands off that "child". Mom turned around and told her to shut up and butt out. Mom and the ex dragged his butt back to the car and my brother made him write sentences saying he wouldn't hit his mom or grandma. He would have slapped him if he was allowed. Anyway, this form of discipline didn't work, because he just continued his bratty behavior. Something possessed me to babysit one evening. He was such a brat that I vowed to never have kids of my own. I still don't have any at this point, but not for that reason. Dusty spent the next few years being able to hit and kick both his mom and stepdad, and his only punishment was 5 minutes of time out in his room. My brother finally had enough of that BS and divorced his wife.

Answer 9

I raised 4 children with spanking
I now have 4 grandchildren.....all use spanking.
I have never met a child that was raised with out spanking that was better then my children. it wasnt used all the time, only if it was needed.
My adult children now see children act up in stores or restaurants and are flabbergasted...
there are many means to discipline....when all used correctly then youre child will respond positively

Answer 10

NO, I do not. My daughter (3) is very well behaved, she is rarely ever spanked. Her daddy runs our home like marine corp boot camp. He loves her VERY much, but expects that she will listen, and she does.

I can not say she is never spanked, I think we as parents sometimes lose our cool, and spank when we shouldn't. I just hope this does not happen very often, for any child.

The other hand is..... I was spanked, I NEVER shot anyone at school, I respected authority, I loved my parents, and they loved me, so much so that they did discipline me when I needed to be.

The law says spanking on the bottom with your hand is ok, but anywhere else, with anything else, is not ok, it is child abuse.