When you suffer from social anxiety, you are doomed to be alone, aren't you?

Question

There is no connection with or to anyone. I feel isolated. People outside my family apparently think I am fine and some even think I have a girlfriend.

Very short story:

Well, when I was in school, I was teased, criticized, bullied, and attacked almost every day until I graduated. I never developed any proper social skills, but it did make me very afraid of social situations.

I am unable to go anywhere or do anything without being consumed by what other people think. Just the way people look at me can affect my mood. I know I look young, but being called Sir (by a service person generally) puts the idea in my head they think I am old.

I can talk to women easier when I can't be seen. When I am in public, if I can get my mind off myself for a little while, I can talk almost normally. Even if I can, it doesn't last long.

Answer 1

Therapy...works wonders. Volunteer, do something that forces you to get out and interact with individuals on a social level.

Answer 2

My husband suffers from social anxiety as well. After years of suffering, I finally convinced him to see a therapist and a psychatrist. They prescribed some medication to reduce the level anxiety and the therapist helped him develop some skills on how to handle the stress.

He is fine now. I urge you to do the same. The therapist will help you develop some social skills and the meds will reduce the anxiety.

You don't need to live like this. There is a whole world out there waiting for you.

You can do it! Good luck.

Answer 3

Firstly, the answer is no. You don't need to be doomed to be alone. It takes time and patience, but most importantly it takes a concerted effort and determination on your part. Just start off slowly, and get out as often as you can and just make every opportunity to talk with others...in shops, on the street, in a library - make small talk, ask questions. Find an interest group - what are you interested in? Do they hold meetings? Or social gatherings? It is important you persist in keeping in contact with others and soon you will find yourself growing in confidence. The isolation you feel only compounds what you think others think of you - and the truth is thats not what they think of you at all. Its time to get out of that self-imposed protective shell and learn to trust in others again. Have faith.

Answer 4

Social Anxiety is a medical condition. Talk to your doctor about seeking help. When it comes to being called "Sir" that is normal for service people simply because it is more polite than saying "Hey you." or calling you "Guy". That's how they're trained to address you. You could also try going somewhere safe (like a library). Nobody expects you to talk to them, but if you happen to make a comment about a good book they are looking at... It could be good practice.

Answer 5

I used to suffer from the same disorder.......I was also teased in school......and had no self confidence.....I went through alot of counseling and now I'm 35 and I'm the biggest flirt ever. Sometimes I shock my friends and myself! LOL Just always be honest with the girls you talk to about your problem and if they are worth dating they will understand.
Good Luck

Answer 6

I feel like I am in a similar situation. I hate it when people call me 'ma'am'. It's supposed to be respectful, but I find it utterly disrespectful. I also hate it when ppl call me Miss because I feel like it's a bit condescending, since it sounds like a title you would give to a little girl. I also always feel like I am being judged, although I know it is irrational thinking.
I can't really give advice since I am in a similar situation, but I can offer my empathy. You can email me if you want

Answer 7

my friend we both suffer from the same except I also have bipolar disorder and that is depression, anxiety, and panic attacks in one. I also have many friends with the same things and we all get together once in a while and talk about it. that and the meds they have us on seem to be the only things that work. but you can over come this and not feel isolated any more. actual your doing it now and then when your in pablic have a friend with you for a while until u get used to doing it on your own. It works for me.

Answer 8

I know what it feels like to be isolated. I also know how hard it is to make new friends. The older you get the harder it gets. Don't leave it too late, talk to a counselor maybe join a group and keep talking on Yahoo. Even though you cant see us we are all here 4 u.

Answer 9

How sad...if you have aproblem look for a solution.. You have been through traumatic experiences in Life and need to seek professional help to learn to deal sometimes we need medication to help balance out those feelings in our heads if you have insurance seek a mental health professional on your plan soooo many people live a horrible life because they dont give their life a chance dont be on of the those people you recognize the problem now do something about it consume it before it consumes you. GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

Being shy and socially awkward has the potential to hold you back in every area of your life, so it works in your best interest to do something about it.

It is an unfortunate catch-22 that lacking self-confidence and feeling self-conscious in social settings tends to make you act socially awkward, which makes people react in a negative way around you, which makes your self-confidence sink even lower, which leads to more social awkwardness, and so on.

Everyone is born with poor social skills, but some people learn how to relate well to others, while others do not. If you go to an internet dating site, you will notice that many women will come right out and say that they do not want to date anyone who is socially awkward. Poor social skills not only hurt your chances with women, but also hinder you when you go for that all important job interview after college. Being socially awkward will hinder you when you are asking for a raise, when you are dealing with conflict at work, or when you are applying for a managerial position.

There are psychological exercises that you can do to overcome your shyness and your lack of self-confidence. I recommend that you go to the self help section of the local library and find some books on the subject. If that does not help, I would strongly recommend that you get some personal counseling to clear this up. In the meantime, try some simple confidence building exercises. For example, it helps to realize that everyone that you meet has the same feelings, fears, and insecurities as you do, but they manage to act in spite of their fear anyway. Tell yourself that other people are just as human as you. It also helps to realize that you are not in elementary school anymore, and those bullies have, for the most part, grown up and turned into decent people. The only reason that they made fun of you in the first place was that THEY were intimidated by YOU (perhaps hard to believe, but it is true). Most adults are decent, lonely people just like you, and if you approach them with a positive, friendly, relaxed attitude, you will make then react in a positive way toward you. If someone is rude to you, remember that it says something about THEM (and the kind of rotten day that they are having), and nothing about YOU. Quit worrying about trying to please everyone, or trying to make everyone happy. That is impossible anyway. Someone will always hate you for no good reason what-so-ever. So what? Aren't you a good person? Don't you make a loyal friend? So, if someone doesn't want to talk to you, isn't that her loss, not yours? Sit down and write down all of the things about yourself that you like. Feel free to add to the list whenever you want to. Also feel free to pull out the list whenever you are feeling down, and repeat all of these nice things to yourself.

David DeAngelo has some pretty good confidence building exercise on his “Advanced Series” on approaching women & dating at doubleyourdating dot com, but it is an expensive program. I would recommend that you start small -- like try reading “Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again -- With Psychological Secrets to Control and Influence Every Situation” (Paperback) by Dr. David J. Lieberman.

By the way, people say that you should “be yourself” and that you should never change for anyone but yourself. This is true to a point. If you are doing something irritating, socially unacceptable, really boring, or just plan wrong, then you need to fix that part of your personality (or at least change how you present yourself). On the other hand, people are turned off by someone who seems “fake”, so while in the process of changing yourself for the better, make sure that you do not say or do anything that feels dishonest, or not true to yourself. I know that sounds contradictory, but I think that you will get it eventually.

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I also liked what "sheka" said (below) about practicing. Next time that you are at the store, or at McDonalds, ask the cleark how their day is going. It will get you used to chatting with strangers, and it will make their day (just don't take up too much of their time if the place is busy).

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I got another idea from "Psychology Today" magazine (Aug. 2007). Try joining "Toastmasters". You will have to prepare and give a public speech to a small group of your peers about once a month. It will help you get over your fear of speaking to strangers.