Help! He doesn't make enough money!?

Question

Okay, I have a job and am perfectly capable and willing to work and support myself. My problem is, my boyfriend works for himself (he will Never get a 'real job', doesn't believe in working for someone else) and mades very little; sometimes he makes no money at all. The nature of his business is extremely unstable. He can support his very spare batchelor lifestyle. The issue is, he now wants for us to move in together, with the idea that we will get married in the future.

I am desperately in love with this person, but I am terrified. I want to buy a house in the next few years and start a family, but these things are very expensive and I will need a partner to contribute his share in order to make it happen.

He was also hoping to have enough money to travel to Europe next year, while I am in the process of searching for a new job so I can make more money and save for a home down payment.

Help! What should I do?

I am not greedy. I simply want someone who is willing to be 50/50 with me. We come from similar backgrounds and are both college educated.

I am not greedy. I simply want someone who is willing to be 50/50 with me. We come from similar backgrounds and are both college educated.

Answer 1

whats wrong with being the bread winner of the family or do you still believe in the antiquated role of man and woman?

Answer 2

Have you tried talking to him about this before? Maybe if you two have a talk you could tell him that you feel like you are working very hard to support yourself and to have some money on the side. Tell him how you really feel about this but in a way without being offensive. Men are very prideful and when they feel like they are being attacked emotionally, they get very defensive (my ex was the same way as yours in terms of not wanting to work "under someone" at a job he "hated"). You should tell him that there are goals you have set for the next couple of years but that these things cannot happen unless you have a little bit more support financially. Avoid using harsh phrases like, "I do all the work while you're contributing to nothing!" This will only cause the situation to escalate into a huge disagreement. Let him know that you are sensitive to his wants and desires, but that you need more financial support on his end if there are going to be further future plans. He needs to understand that it's not fair for you to be the leading source of income. Good luck, hun!

Answer 3

You should have a chat with him and tell him that if he wants to move in together he should get a stable job, so that you guys can support each other, tell him that you are not giving up on him you just think that you both should bring in some money and have savings, Convince him that by working he can save up until he has enough capital to start his own business. I hope all goes well for you

Answer 4

It sounds to me that even though your heart says "he's a great guy" your head is saying "let's step back and look at the WHOLE picture" and the WHOLE picture is not really all that great. You need to have a serious talk with him about finances, employment and responsibility. There are plenty of self-employed individuals who make a decent living when applying themselves (my husband owns his own business and we paid off our mortgage before our 40's - and he only started it 6 years before!). If he is really concerned about working as an employee, why not review other business opportunities that would be more lucrative or ways to make his present business more successful (advertising, taking courses to expand his knowledge). If he is not listening and receptive I would say that it make be time to move on because he will be a mooch off you for the rest of your life and may even work less than he does as you continue to grow and get better jobs, etc.

Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

What you need to realize is that he is not in the same head space as you when it comes to planning for the future. If you cannot count on him to take care of himself, how can you count on him to take care of you or a future family? He is obviously not ready to step up and get a real job. You getting a better job will only give him the idea that he can be lazy and you will take care of everything and that is not healthy. Also, as far as his European vacation, he needs to get off his butt and earn the money himself. Don't let him think he can be a freeloader. Love him or not, don't give him the idea that you are a doormat.

Answer 6

Sorry but you need a new boyfriend. You two are totally incompatable in your outlooks on life, what you want for the future and in your finiancial visions. You will not change him and you will not be happy trying to adjust to his financial view. you want to plan and work towards those plans, he wants to drift and see what comes. You are practical and live in the real world, He is a dreamer and lives in a fantasy world. The two do not mesh and neither one of you is going to change. You might try to change for the sake of love but it will not work because the diferences are polar and way too fundamental for any change to be long lasting or to produce anything but bitterness and resentment. Find some one that hinks more along your lines with regards to wanting a stable future

Answer 7

Well, you need to get it through his thick skull that everyone and I mean everyone answers to somebody. The President answers to Congress doesnt he? Movie Actors answer to Directors, Directors answer to the Production Companies, Production Companies have to comply with Censorship laws and all that garbage. Checks and Balances are a never ending cycle. Sounds like he has a serious maturity issue. Tell him he needs a real job. But do it in a polite yet firm tone. Just my 2 cents...

Answer 8

That's a tough choice...if you are prepared to be the financially stable one, and the two of you can basically live off your pay during times when he makes no money, then go for it...

I got married young (19) and he was 23...we were constantly in debt, robbing peter-to-pay-paul because I made little money and he spent his as fast as it was earned...it nearly wrecked my credit in the end, and our lifestyle was not one I'd want to repeat again.

I learned that lesson and now I won't consider anything long term with someone who isn't financially stable. They don't have to be rich, but they can't be living hand-to-mouth.

Answer 9

Ask yourself what you need to be happy in your life. If it's a house with all the accompanying material goods that go with it, then, you should look for someone who shares that vision with you. If you can live knowing that you probably won't have all of the nicer things that you want, then, you can accept this man and his seeming disinterest in making more money.

You won't be happy, though, unless you BOTH share the same vision.

Answer 10

i understand.
Why not try to encourage him finding work in the field he's in now but with an already established company where he can work up in it and become the boss?
Or ask him to get a fun parttime job for the months that things arnt going well.

My father works for himself and is kind of like you man in the sense that sometimes he has enough other times he doesnt and i know its hard on my stepmom, he got a parttime job that he LIKES and it helps her feel like hes bringing in more and helping out and hes still got his independant company.

Answer 11

Show him this question.. talk to him and if he can not give you what you want out of your life you have to move on and keep working for what you want... if you marry without wanting the same things in life you will be miserable and divorced one day.... Best of luck and be true to thy self