Why don't people RSVP?

Question

Is this a recent change in manners or have people always been like this? I am having a party this weekend and there are still many people who haven't RSVP'd, and it is an email invitation so it doesn't take long. I think it is so rude!

I don't really care if they are coming or not, but I would like to get a head count so that I can buy food! It also makes me think differently of the people. It makes me feel that they are just waiting to see if something better comes up. So rude!

Does this bother anyone else? I know it is applicable to all events, weddings, parties, etc. Has our culture always been this way? Are you someone who never RSVP's? If so, why?

Answer 1

I am dealing with the same thing right now, and I am using evite. To not RSVP to an evite invitation is ridiculous. It takes 2 seconds. I agree with kimba, I plan to not invite those that did not respond to other events that I host. Especially when I eventually get married. I don't want to have to wonder if they are attending or not, since they don't seem to think RSVPing is necessary.

If they are too lazy to not respond, knowing that it would make my life much easier, then they aren't really friends now are they?

Answer 2

There are a lot of people in this world who will not return a RSVP even if it is as easy as clicking on the reply button via an E-mail or being driven to the post office.

What you can do is call each person and say firmly, but politely . . "Are you coming to my party . . yes or no." They have had plenty of time to respond so do NOT accept . . "I'll get back to you later." Tell them you need an answer right NOW.

People who do not respond to an invitation are always waiting for something "bigger and better" to come along. And I tell the Brides and Groom that I work with . . "The people that you have not heard from should not have been invited in the first place. Your wedding (or party) may be very important to you but it is not important to them."

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 3

I don't know if it's something recent, or if it has always been this way. But it drove me absolutely CRAZY when I gave a baby shower for my best friend a couple of months ago.

I asked for an RSVP by a certain date so I would know what size cake to buy, how much food, how many plates, etc. Three days AFTER the RSVP date, I had 10 people that I hadn't heard from one way or the other. The day of the event, EVERY ONE OF THEM SHOWED UP. I was soooo tempted to tell them I didn't plan for them to be there and they had to leave. But being a conscientious hostess, I allowed them to stay. *grumble grumble*

I guess everyone assumes "It's just one more person, it can't make that much of a difference." But when ten people have that attitude, it's a mess and nothing but endless aggravation for the party planner.

I know what you mean, I lost a LOT of respect for those people. It made me feel taken advantage of, especially since I worked so hard to make everything memorable for the mother-to-be.

I'm tempted to say that our society has just become so self-centered and selfish that no one takes anyone else's feelings or efforts into account. I hope I'm wrong, though. That would be a terrible place to live.

Answer 4

People have pretty much always been like this, but I really think our culture is getting worse and worse.

Before my son was born, I had two baby showers, and the many of the people did RSVP, but lots of them didn't and we had no idea. We ended up calling some of them, but some of the others ended up showing up anyway.

And something that really bothers me is when people say they will be there, and then they don't show, with no explanation. I can understand if soemthing came up, but if they decided to do something else instead, or just decided to stay home and watch tv, that drives me nuts. I had a 'best friend' who RSVP's yes to my shower, called me the day before for more detailed directions, and then never showed. My son is almost 18 monts old now, and I still haven't spoken to her. Not because I'm trying to be petty about the shower, but because this is far from the first time she's flaked off about something, and I'm tired of being the one who breaks down and calls her. Obviously our friendship meant little or nothing to her.

Anyway, I'm getting ready to mail my invites for my wedding reception, and they're including RSVP cards. I'm trying to make it as simple as possible, but I fully expect half of them to not be returend at all.

If I were you, I would call them and ask then straight out, are you planning to be there. Tell them you need to know, because you're going tomorrow to purchase food, and you're going to purchase exactly enough for those who RSVP yes, because food is expensive.

Answer 5

Yes, it's really annoying when people don't RSVP. I think that lots of folks just get busy and forget (i've done that before). If you need a headcount for buying food, it's perfectly ok for you to call the people you haven't heard from and ask them whether they'll be coming. They shouldn't take offense - especially if they're good friends. I had to do exactly that for the last party I hosted. I invited 10 people, only 2 of whom RSVP'd. A couple of days before the party, I just started calling people and politely asking them whether they would be able to attend.

I agree 100% - it's extremely annoying and rude for people to not let you know whether they're coming to an event if the host has asked for a reply.

Answer 6

I have noticed this too. People are really reluctant to RSVP for anything any more. My theory too is that they will then be "committed" to attend, and they are keeping their options open unless something better comes up. But it could just be that as our lives get more hectic and faster paced, people are reluctant to commit to ANY new obligation. I'm sorry you're having a rough time planning your party. What I generally do is figure on about 60-70% of the RSVP's showing up, prepare to feed that many, and if the food runs out, you can always call for a pizza, and you won't have any leftovers.

Answer 7

People are just rude and inconsiderate! I sent out my invitations to my wedding with the RSVP's and an envelope that was already stamped, so all they had to do was fill it out and stick it in the mail. Out of 45 invitations I've only got 13 of them back and the date of reply was for July 25th! (wedding is Aug 25th) The RSVP also said that dinner and reception following ceremony, with that said you would think that people would send the RSVP back so I know how many people to include for dinner and give my caterer a head count. As far as someone who never RSVP's, I've never had to RSVP for anything, but if I was, I would definately do it, just out of courtesy for the other person!

Answer 8

No our culture has not always been this way. I've noticed that people that are currently in their early 20s have a serious me complex, as evidenced by all the brides on this forum who want to kick out their maids because they don't help them enough. This same mentality leads them to not RSVP because something better might come up this weekend and we wouldn't want to limit our options. Bridezilla was not a term that was much before, but now they're everywhere. It's all about me don't you know.

Answer 9

I always RSVP, and hate it when people don't. It is very rude and sometimes causes some fairly costly issues. It doesn't just happen when you are hosting home parties, but even when you are hosting costly catered affairs like weddings.

We should report these RSVP non respondents to a website of RSVP shame. Perhaps when they Google their name and it shows up on the www.rsvphallofshame.com website, people will start to act with some more respect toward others.

Answer 10

This isn't a recent change in manners, people have always been that way. I would turn away the people who show up without having rsvp'd, tell them you only have enough food for the ones who did. Hire a bouncer. If they are willing to be rude so should you. Maybe next time they won't waste any time in responding to an invitation.