HELP- My parents are driving me even more nuts - Helen do this....Helen do that....?

Question

I live in the UK and am currently on holiday (!) in Spain with my parents where they live. It's miraculous that i even made it here since i'm depressed and suffer various anxiety disorders incl PTSD! The airport was a MAJOR trauma, i ended up curled up in a ball in a quiet corner crying my eyes out. My parents TRY to understand, but are constantly on my back about not wanting to go out. I wouldn't have come in the first place if it wasn't for my 4 yr old anyway! They try the guilt trip saying i've gotta do something with my son while i'm here. To be fair they are taking him out and about, but not without a grumble, and they do have a point, but they make me so much worse! I've tried explaining to them but they CAN'T understand, that's not their fault but.....GRRRRR....it makes me angry and it's driving me more nuts than i already am. ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

Answer 1

I just sent you a wonderful email and yahoo hic-upped and i lost the reply and your original email as well.
Email me back so i can give you the experince,strength and hope I have to offer you. [e-mail]

Write girl!!
Start a journal now and write and write about your fears, anger, and tell your parents about boarding school.

Tell your parents, that you have issues, and that (it is their fault) but don't blame them for what they didn't know about.
Tell your parents that you didn't want to come visit, but you wanted their grandson to spend quality time with them, and you were so hoping the joy of their grandson would help them, and give you some time to yourself.

you are pushing yourself way to hard.
HALT
are you Hungry? eat
are you Angry? YELL-- tell someone, scream into a pillow, throw socks at the television.
are you LONLEY? find a friendly friend, make a phone call to a crisis line you know which one i'm talking about.
Are you TIRED-- Sleep!!!

use HALT-- and tell your parents you need their help in accepting that they will never understand what you are going thru, and that you appreciate that they are helping you with their grandson!!!!!

Be gentle with yourself.

please email me again, dang i wrote you a long involved email and my computer shut down. let's try again.

I'm here for you.

[e-mail] or IM me.

Tell your parents that

Answer 2

Helen,

Just try to be good to yourself and let go a little, it is not easy this I will admit but the more you dig in the harder it will get. You have a soon so that means you are able to be intimate with others try to build on that and step outside and breath in the world a little.

Have you done the therapist thing? I would imagine so if you are diagnosed with PTSD.

What line of work did you do ?

Answer 3

It sounds like they don't have much experience with mental health issues and so they aren't very understanding. To be fair to them, they seem to be trying to help you, even if they're being pushy. Maybe tell them you'd want to go out more if they wouldn't pester you all the time. They're not being helpful if they only complain every time they go out with your son. Shouldn't they want time with their grandchild? You might want to tell them that he won't have good memories of them, either, if they complain all the time. Remind them that vacations are a time to have fun.

I don't know your exact mental state, but is it possible you might be able to do separate activities for a day? For instance, let your folks go on a date while you can take your son for a walk on the beach. Do a simple activity so you won't feel overwhelmed. Taking a break from each other might help. After that, try doing one activity per day so you won't feel overwhelmed. At night, write down your feelings in a journal so you can have a healthy, safe place to vent.

When you go home again, you may want to consider visiting a therapist to help you cope (that is if you haven't already). While parents can help us, even they are limited due to the fact that they live with us and we can drive each other crazy!

Answer 4

Since you are an adult you need to begin to get some good skills to deal with these parents if they are driving you nuts.

First, if you don't want to go somewhere make it clear ONCE to them and walk away, don't try to please them or argue with them.

Second, don't buy into these guilt trips. Tell them to come to you, instead you go there through all this trauma and with a 4 year old!

Third, go into counseling to obtain some support and coping skills. You need to learn how to deal with these people. I think all of your issues are based on the problems with the parents. Once you get some confidence, I think you will find all these issues will lessen, if not clear up completely.
Just because they are your parents, they have no right to drive you crazy.

Answer 5

Hang in there, you'll be ok. I have a 4 year old too. focus on how wonderful your 4 year old is, that always helps me. Can you go on any meds? You sound like you need anxiety medication. It will help tremendously. As far as your parents go, they obviously don't understad what you're going through. Calmly explain to them that their lack of understanding you is making things worse. You need comfort and reassurance from them that everything is going to be ok. Talk to them about your feelings and try to be calm about it, cuz if you start to get excited they will be more inclined to not hear you out. But, be honest with them, that's all you have right now. Good luck !

Answer 6

Hon, your son is your responsibility. Maybe you could divert your attention from your "issues" by tending to him?

Meanwhile i have PTSD too... it's not an excuse to lable yourself as "nuts"... perhaps you could consider working on YOU and taking care of YOU instead?

Your parents make you worse? Maybe it's because you are allowing them to " make you worse " ..... others should not determine your mood... if they are grumbly and in a bad mood or whatever, there is NO reason you have to be as well.... it's not healthy for any of us! hugs!!!

My best advice is to research PTSD.. there are many websites dealing with the subject and some are good for self help, as well.

Most important is to continue medical treatment, and if it's not working, talk with your doctor so you can try something else.

therapy might be another wise idea.

take care of YOU

Answer 7

Remind them that vacations are a time when people are supposed to have fun and get relief from stress. Pick one thing per day that you will do and ask your parents to help you out with your son. Just be honest with them and tell them that you don't want them to have a bad time but you don't want to have a bad time and be fighting all the time either.

You son is only 4(!), he won't remember much anyway. He will remember the time you spend with him. Tell your parents to chill out. They shouldn't want to be running constantly while you're visiting! :)

Hang in there!!! :) I will be thinking about you and hoping you feel better! :)

(P.S> Helen is one of the coolest names I've heard in a long time!!! No one in the states uses that name anymore and it's a real shame! It's beautiful!)

Answer 8

Breathe deeply ten times and think again!
They will not even dream of harming you, they are your parents. Just listen to them, if you give them happiness, you will get it manifold. And you have a cute kid. Think, you will also be protective when time comes.
All the best!

Answer 9

The soda concern does not incredibly difficulty me. 6 sodas between 2 young little ones is a lot however the occasional soda is not any massive deal. My virtually 2 year previous likes to sip my soda as quickly as in awhile. Like somebody else already suggested...sugar is sugar and all of it has the comparable result on the tooth. the only distinction between soda and one hundred% juice is that the juice has some nutritional value accompanying the sugar tub your tooth get. The soda does not. As for my puppy peeve...people who scream at their young little ones in public...and persons who tension their young little ones to consume. My pal is often freaking on her son whilst he does not consume. Hes no longer hungry! flow away him on my own! And its continually junk foodstuff shes attempting to tension feed him. I even have no longer something against giving my youngster some junk foodstuff. i like it...why shouldn't she? yet to throw a extra healthful using fact your no longer even 2 year previous wont consume his pop tart for breakfast? loopy.

Answer 10

Girlfriend .. I am sorry for your experience of PTSD but you really do need to get a grip, as your reaction/s are only causing more problems for you between your parents and son. The past is the past in the end, as hard as this may seem .. and the present is your family, who really do seem to support you. Growing up is hard to do.