Just need advice, feel alone....?

Question

I recently had an early miscarriage. I wasn’t planning on having a baby and me an my boyfriend are not TTC. I been told it happens all the time and it wasn’t even a “real” pregnancy cause even though the egg was fertilized it just didn’t implant properly. They called it a Chemical Pregnacy. I was even told by my mom to get over it. I don’t know whats wrong cause we’re not planning to have kids just yet. I’m 24 and he’s 25 we want to have a place of our own an get married before we have kids. I know it wasn't ment to be but I can't help but feel sad. Just last night I was watching a show about a girl who adopts and later finds out she’s pregnant and I just couldn’t stop crying. Why do I feel this way and when’s it gonna stop? Any personal experiences will greatly help. Thanks

Answer 1

hi! know that what you are going through is normal. Any mother would be completely crushed losing their child. No matter how far along they are. I've already told you about my personal experience and I know how you feel. The pain will never go away, but it will lessen with time. You, reguardless of what the doctors say, were pregnant. No chemical or nothing to it. As soon as the baby starts growing in your belly, you are a mother. And u were a good mother at that, because a bad mother would not be mourning the loss like you have been. I'm so sorry for your loss. Know that you are not alone, you can email me anytime. I'd love to talk with you. Don't feel stupid for crying when you see stuff on tv. I used to cry everytime I would see a preg test commercial. They still get to me to this day, because I'm still TTC. You will always remember what happened but like I said, with time, it will become more bearable.

Also, know that there are several stages to grieving. So, no matter what know that you are doing what any mother would do and take others advice, tell your doctor about what's going on. I took anti-depressants. Their is nothing wrong with it. Don't blame yourself for anything. The baby was loved by you, planned or unplanned.

Answer 2

Sweetie, what your going through is very normal. Even if it wasn't a "real pregnancy" (and I hate the fact that anyone would use that term) it was a pregnancy to you. Even when a baby is not planned for (neither of mine were) it's still a baby and your maternal instict kicks in and you get excited. Even if you find out all at the same time that there won't be a baby, it is normal to feel let down.

Your hormones are also not helping the situation.

Don't worry about feeling this way. You are grieving a loss, no matter what anyone else says, and you will go through the five stages of grief which are depression, denial, anger, bargaining and finally acceptance.

It will be ok though, and if you feel that you are not progressing past this depression fast enough, consult a doctor, or a support group.

Good Luck!!!


Mother of 1, about to be 2 August 6th!!!

Answer 3

First thing, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through and I'm sorry you have to. Even though what happened to you is very sad, your feelings could have a lot to do with hormones. When you get pregnant your hormone levels kinda go crazy trying to get used to everything that's going on. I'm not familiar with a chemical pregnancy but from the word chemical I can only imagine it made things in your body even more out of whack. I can't believe your mom is telling you to get over it. She should be supportive for you during this. Just know that it will stop. The crying, the sadness - things slowly get better. You just have to focus on the good to come - get some fresh air and take a walk around the park or block. Exercise is a great way to feel better when you are down. I hope the best for you and remember that you need to give yourself some time to get the hormones back to normal.

Answer 4

It's normal. Part of it is the hormones still raging through your body, and part of it (probably most of it) is the fact that you are a woman and naturally want to nurture. To have the chance so close at hand and then taken from you is devastating. If you weren't sad from this, I would be worried, but the fact that you are means that someday you are probably going to make a great parent.

When I got pregnant it was a shock to both my husband and I, and took about 3 weeks for it to sink in. The week after that, we had a threatened miscarriage. I have never cried so hard in my life. I felt like a piece of my soul was about to be ripped away from me; and the child inside of me wasn't any bigger than my pinkie. If I had had a positive pregnancy test and then been told that it was just a chemical pregnancy, I would have probably been just as devastated. It's normal, and will heal in time. Just don't listen to idiots who say "get over it." Instead, let yourself heal.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. Even though it may have been a chemical pregnancy, it doesn't change how you feel about it. Miscarriage is hard for any woman to deal with, as is discovering chemical or etopic pregnancies, even if you're not TTC. It's okay to be sad, give yourself some time and you will come to terms with it at your own pace. Your mom may seem like she is being harsh, but it's possible she's not sure how to help you. Keep your chin up, it will get better.

Answer 6

I got pregnant the first time at 19. I had always wanted kids and was overjoyed. It took me a very, very long time to get over having a miscarriage, but essentially what you have to tell yourself is what is in your screen name - what's meant to be will be. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I am 27 now and have accomplished many things that would not have been possible had I not miscarried. I grieved for almost a year, but I kept telling myself the same thing over and over. I am 27 now, and 31 weeks pregnant. I still occasionally think about the child I would have had, but if it was meant to be, it would have been. I have accepted that and chose to move on with my life. It is definitely hard and you don't necessarily "get over it", but the pain will ease eventually.

Answer 7

I had two when I was much younger and because of a really bad husband I was told that I would never be able to have children after that.
I went through what you are right now and I feel for you. Then I met and married the man of my dreams. Three months later I was pregnant and this one stayed safe inside me...she is now a pre-teen and the most beautiful thing on earth! Hang in there and the sorrow will turn to joy when you least expect it to.

Answer 8

I'm sorry I don't have any personal experiences of my own, but if it's any consolation, you sound like you're going to be a great mother when the time is right for you to have kids after you're married. I think it's pretty normal for you to feel for the child and wonder what could have been if the child had lived. But that child will always posess a part of you that no one can ever take away. Just hang in there and look forward to the great things to come in your life.....boo kitty.

Answer 9

I am sooo sorry that you lost your baby. I will pray for you, and your mom too as she should not discount your feelings like that by telling you to get over it.

A Miscarriage is still a death....so you have to mourn. Maybe you could do like my friend did and name the baby and give her a small funeral. It might help you work through the grief.

Glad you did the right thing and got married though, and once you are through grieving you can look forward to praying for another healthy miracle baby. I will be praying for you.

Whenever you feel this way just know that Jesus loves you, and your baby is up in heaven now waiting for you and all of his/her new future brothers and sisters.

Answer 10

Listen you have every right to be sad, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I have gone through a miscarriage and even having two children I was still sad and depressed. It is a little person inside of you that whether you plan or not you were still expecting to see one day. Its hard and you will think of it from time to time but it will get better believe me.