what can you do if you feel people have screwed you over in life, destroyed your self esteem, bullied you,?

Question

patronised you, mentally taunted you, demoralised you....and now that you have mental health problems and your lifes been shattered...their all laughing, giggling, wearing huge grins, pleased with their results..
im 30 and have bpd now and somehow have to pick up the pieces of my destroyed life...
how do i not let this rage inducing thought drive me over the edge?
because now anyone that i feel mistreats me or patronises me..or in some way tries to manipulate and bully me...i cant deal with it and i get rage feelings..
can this cycle be broken?
or have they instilled this mentality in me? distorted my mind and the way i view the world?

Answer 1

Cowboy up.

Answer 2

If you were thirteen instead of thirty you might have a legitimate reason for feeling like a victim. As it is, you've been old enough to be on your own, choosing your living and work environment and deciding what people you choose to associate with for the last 12 years.
If it was so horrible you could have chosen to change it at any time. You chose not to, this doesn't make you a victim.
If in fact this treatment followed you when you made changes in your life then look at yourself for the cause. I've been around a lot longer than you and except for some very immature people in high school I've never seen the kind of behavior you describe.
Whatever the cause of you feeling this way now, it can't be because for the last thirty years, you have just coincidentally been surrounded by nothing except sociopaths who were out to get you.
The cause of your feeling the way you do isn't a result of what others have done to you. I'll repeat myself, you are not a victim.

Get help, you need more than counseling, you need a psychiatrist who can help determine if there's any physiologic basis for what you have described. But, even with professional help, stop blaming others, this is something that you can take steps to control. Your mental health is not determined or controlled by other people.

Answer 3

You take control of your life....dont let people control you...If there is anyway that you can get away from those that are doing this to you then find a new group of friends. Self esteem cant really be destroyed by another...thats why its called SELF esteem...as long as YOU feel you look good it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. I being a large woman have had people downtalk me about my weight.."Beautiful" by Christine Aguilera is a perfect song just for that...it says that " I am beautiful not matter what they say, WORDS CANT BRING ME DOWN." and they dont..I ignore those that talk about me or make comments that are negative they are only doing that because they are missing something that you have and they are jealous. As for your rage...take a deep breath and relax...write your rage down, the things that bother you, letting if flow from your body out through your fingers and when you are done writing, your rage is gone and you can throw away the papers as a way of getting rid of the rage.

Answer 4

I'm 38 and have bpd and I understand some of how you feel. Anger management helped me and I also take Tomapax- for alot of things- but with bi-polar- it's a mood stabilizer. I still have days I dwell on someone that upset me- want to get back at them, but it gets easier I promise. I agree with whoever said forgive and forget. Even if they don't deserve it, you have to forgive to move past this. Don't mean you have to have these people in you're life, just to let it go. As far as you being 30, like I said, I'm 38, age doesn't matter a lot of times when you have a mental illness, don't have same coping skills as most people. However, this isn't an excuse to improve yourself daily. I'm happily married, have a wonderful career so please get help with rage/coping skills. Best of Luck to You!!!!

Answer 5

BPD is said to be a difficult personality disorder to treat.. that doesn't mean it's impossible.

i understand what it's like to have people crush my self-esteem. it happened over and over when i was a child, and had no means to protect myself, and didn't have the resources for help.

these days, i'm an adult and i have had to do the WORK and make the EFFORT toward change.

hon, it's NOT about what others do, it's about taking care of YOU.

There are thousands of resources on line for BPD, and also forums. If you do a web search, perhaps you can find people who are in the same boat as you, and who will be understanding. A little support might be valuable for you.

Therapy might help, if you're willing to work with a therapist who specializes in BPD.... there are resources out there... we just have to do the work to find them.

I wish you all the best in life...

Answer 6

At 30, you are old enough to make your own decisions. Many of us had crazy childhoods even extending into adult life. It's what you do with your life, that determines who you are; not what people did to you in your life. As for being bi-polar, no one cane MAKE you that way... you either are or aren't. Meds and therapy can help; and I'm a firm believer in spiritual help through a church/temple. Yes, the cycle can be broken; not overnight, or even in a month. You have to take the first steps toward healing; and take several steps away from blaming.

Answer 7

Overcome,
If you already know that you have a distorted view of the world then perhaps you have been able to glimpse a peek of the world as it really is. I don't believe that you are doomed to repeat the cycle; however there are just a few things that you must do to pull yourself out of your current circumstances.
Get over it: Your past is your past don't allow it to shape the outcome of your future
Get on with it: Discover the things within yourself that are worthwhile and good whether through council exploration or self reflection
Get through with it: Once you discover the self that you truly are, not the one that they condemn you to be, try to leave the self-doubt, self-loathing and self-pitty behind.
Own the new you.

Answer 8

Stop blaming everyone else for your current behavior. Take responsibility. The past is the past, forgive and forget and move forward. I would suggest checking out some spiritual solutions and stop focusing on what others have done to you. Time to grow up. I had to, and I could tell you stories that would make yours look like a walk in the park. If you are serious check this out. Just keeping it real. Do you want help or do you want pity?

http://www.gbible.org/php_mp3/latest_video_message.php

Answer 9

I think you definately need to discuss this with a counselor who will help you obtain good coping skills and techniques for releasing this rage.

It is very unhealthy for you to feel this way, it raises your blood pressure, aggrivates any medical problems you may have and does not do much for your mental state.

Remember, knowing how to cope in life is very important, if you weren't taught how to cope you need to get the skills to do so. Then, you will have a happier life.

To me, I think the best revenge is doing well in life and when you let these people see that they HAVE NOT affected you, that is very satisfying. That is exactly what I have done and believe me, I totally understand being picked on. Take care of yourself and release this rage, it only destroys you, not them.

Answer 10

This sounds like a homework project. But the only part I will comment on is the guilt. Guilt is healthy if taken in perspective and understood as a right and wrong. True, guilt can be very damaging if not dealt realistically/ If there is no guilt on certain situations there is sociopathic tendencies and can lead to dangerous attitudes. So yes, guilt can destroy self respect but the questions infers that that that is all that it does.

Answer 11

Practice forgivness, I would think, so that through acceptance you can be at peace with yourself. I'm always reminding myself that people don't do what they do because they want to, but because they have to. In my case, if I knew a better way to live, I'd be doing it. I only really understand anything through my own experience. Many are simply spiritualy sick, not having yet learned what works better... and when in conflict with others, I must ask myself what I did to help start this particular ball to get (or keep) rolling along. Honestly, I dislike having to do this. But it does help me keep my priorities straight. And lets me fall asleep content at night. That, to me, has great value. And that Practice of Attitude keeps others from having any power over me... till I forget myself and mess it up again...