Serious problem or not? What can i do?

Question

I'm a 14 yr old girl. People would probably say im a shy person and i'd agree because i find it hard to socialise. Well i like to socialise but i'm not really good at it because i'm usually very quiet. I've tried to stop being shy but i just can't.? I guess i get scared? I don't know what's wrong i think i'm "overly" shy or something because i always try to avoid standing infront of people because i'm worried they're going to pick out something wrong with me and when people are staring at me or just looking i try to avoid eye contact. I'm really self conscious and can be really clingy and objective to "joining in".
What can i do?? Serious stuff, so serious responses only please. Thanks for your time. =)

Answer 1

It seems your shyness stems from self-consciousness and insecurity. Which btw is EXTREMELY normal for your age and level of development, while others your age may exhibit this in different ways, you are well-within developmental standards. At around puberty when we go into adolescence, we become acutely aware of ourselves and the perceptions we give others (an example of this is that most teenagers, esp. girls, put a larger focus on their physical appearance than ever before in middle childhood).

The negative side of this is self-absorption. Being SO focused on the self that it is beginning to cripple your social attachments.

My advice would be to learn to put things into perspective, which you will probably already do in time in terms of normal development, but try to understand that all of your other classmates are just as insecure and scared as you are, people just show this in different ways. Realize that the people you socialize with also fall into this same group and when speaking with you? are probably focusing much more on themselves the same way you are.

Maybe try to develop your ability to listen to others. When someone is speaking to you, stay with them and focus on what they are saying, don't think about yourself, as much as you can, and eventually the shyness will calm down.

Hope it helps, and good luck hun

Answer 2

Take the initiative. Go up to people and introduce yourself. Be open and ask them things which will get them talking about themselves, but try to avoid questions with yes/no answers. Eye contact is important but if you feel direct face to face contact is too difficult at first then try standing next to the person. The more you do it the better you will become.
You may find that you have many things in common with people you meet, a shared interest or hobby is a good ice breaker.

Answer 3

This world has a tendency to beat introverts into extroverts unfairly. I happen to think shy people are the nicest people on the planet, and you should be proud of what you are. Too many introverts end up living a false live in misery, and end up living a lie. The most important first step is to accept what you are and learn to live with it in peace, then your positive self-esteem will naturally allow you more grace and composure in social settings.

Answer 4

yhi there.. you know what? thats was my problem too when i was in highschool. but, i overcome that matter.
*i just do this things:
1. well i just asked my self whats my problem. and finally i knew it! IM SHY.. and i asked my self why am i shy? and what am i shy for? well just because... IM AFRAID TO MAKE A MISTAKE AND THAT MISTAKE WILL LEAD ME TO A GREAT EMBARASSMENT.. so, that mindsetting made me like a prisoner in my own world like i dont get outside bcoz somebody gonna see me and Etc... i dont have friends but just my sister and my mother.. i dont participate in school, i dont even interact with my classmates when breaktimes. im so bored. when after sometime i just realized that: "this Shy attitude just made me a LONER" yah.. thats the sad part.. buts true. so you know what i did? when i graduated in highschool and became a college student, i tried to join different clubs and activities. I know its hard but i need to try. so atleast i can say to my self I TRIED and NOTHING to Regret you missed something. ryt? aftersome time i learned to talked.. haha! haay.. its very hard transition.. you know what? i became a President of the class. so i became responsible... i became a leader of a club that helps elders(home for the ageds), i found out that its so good to help people who really needs your help. i also became a president of the presidents in the campus because they saw how i perform and how i handle my responsibilities. and now? i dont even remember my self of being shy, i have lot of friends now, i can now interact with people so nicely. well, i just found out that what i did is a CHANGE.. and its a process.. as you can see my experiences, i start in small things.. i start of being brave to join activities by simply forgeting to be afraid of having mistakes. haha.. i hope my story will help you.

Answer 5

Well... you can either learn to "love who you are," or start by really just pretending to yourself that you are a confident person. no one else has to know yet. if you focus on just pretending to yourslf you will eventually adopt it. humans-believe it or not- are actually very adaptable. You could also look at people around you who are exuding confidence and learn from then. start by just acting. just pretend to yourself, then let spill over so people can see your new act. you will eventually adopt it, and you will become your act. you no longer will be acting. you will have become a confident person.