Here's the deal, I have a really good friend coming into town to visit me and he is gay. It doesn't bother me obviously but I just moved in with a new roomate. I knew this guy previously to moving in with him but I don't know his position on homo-sexuality. I need to tell him out of repsect for the house but how would I bring this up?
Should I just straight tell him " I have a gay friend coming into town" or should I find out his position on gays first. I just don't want things to become awkard between anyone.
And I'm not gay ( I don't know if this makes a difference or not)
2007-08-01 18:38:29 · 13 answers · asked by DLB 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You have no reason to tell your roommate that your friend is gay. There's no reason to. If your friend were a drunk coming to live with you, that's a different story and obviously you would tell him 'out of respect for the house'. In this case, however, all you need to tell your roommate to be polite is that you're having a friend over. That's it. Knowing that your roommate is stupid or wouldn't have a problem isn't going to affect this much, is it? I mean, you can't just keep changing your plans because people are anti-gay. If your roommate has a problem, then that's his problem. Not yours or your friend's. If your friend isn't totally horrible to be around or something, then there really isn't any problem your roommate should have with them. No worries, mate.
2007-08-01 18:47:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I wish I had some divine wisdom in which to give you the best advice ever, but unfortunantly I am only human. The best thing for you to do would be to tell him the truth. It will be one of the most difficult, if not most difficult thing you will have to do though. In the end this would be the best option though, because people that are totally straight and upset by a friends sexual preferences will be more likely to hold it against you if they find out on their own. They may feel like it was intentional to hurt them by not being honest, or not trusting them enough to say something. And even if it is a short 3 month stay, you dont want this to be an issue later in the future. Unfortunantly, when parents are very anti-gay, it rubs off on their children a lot of the time. Because of this, your friend might find it hard to accept in the beginning. But you have known him for a very long time, and of course the shock will hit hard especially in the beginning. I think it would be easiest for yourself and your friend to just finally let the truth out. Believe it or not, even if he doesn't accept it in the beginning, it will be a huge burden off of your mind, as it is not healthy to hold things like this in forever. If he is a reasonable guy, and you have been good friends for so long I dont think there should be anything to worry about. If you hid your boyfriend from him, however, this could completely change the situation and make him not trust you. In whatever you ultimately decide to do, good luck.
2016-05-20 22:56:09 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, by mentioning the question it leads me to believe that there is some reason for thinking he will not accept your gay friend.
If you think he won't mind then don't tell him. Personally, I would never have thought to mention it.
If you think it might not be an issue or have no idea whatsoever then I would casually mention it to him. Something along the lines of "Hey X, I just wanted to let you know that a friend of mine is coming to visit on Saturday. Oh my gosh, he is just so much fun. He doesn't have a boyfriend right now so we like to get out and have fun (or he has a boyfriend right now so we like to stay in)".
Hopefully, all will be well. GL.
2007-08-01 19:53:19 · answer #3 · answered by mirah_music 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Interesting question...-Which brings me to ask YOU; Whenever you visit a new friends home- do you want THEM to know what YOUR sexual "preferences" are ??? Since WHEN is it the whole town's Business? Is your Gay friend so "flaming"- that one of Paul Revere's relatives should gallop down the street yelling, "His Gay friend is coming- his Gay friend is coming...!" ? People have heads on their shoulders- let them figure things out for themselves. If THEY don't like Gay people- that's NOT YOUR problem!
2007-08-01 18:57:26 · answer #4 · answered by Joseph, II 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'd lean towards not saying anything about your friend's sexual preference, as well. If you are comfortable with yourself and your friend, then it really shouldn't matter what your roommate thinks. I'm sure your friend has had plenty of awkward situations in his life, and he'll know how to handle them better than you will.
If you try and subtly ask your friend what his views on gays are, he may wonder why you're asking... now THAT might be awkward ;-)
~Kyanna
2007-08-01 19:00:00 · answer #5 · answered by Kyanna S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You probably should tell him just to prevent awkwardness later on just in case. However, be careful about how you tell him. Don't make it such a big deal or that's the only thing he will see your friend for...give him a chance to get to know him for who he is other than being gay.
2007-08-01 18:45:04 · answer #6 · answered by Some Guy 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Find out where he stands.
By doing this, you'll save yourself some time later if you have another gay friend coming to visit.
Also, if he doesn't like the idea of your friend coming over, they don't have to hang out.
2007-08-01 18:45:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should not have to bring "anything" up. This is his sexuality/sexual preference which is no different than his race or culture. Think about it....would you tell your room mate his race/culture? I think not as race/culture mean nothing....the same goes for his sexual orientation. Giving your room mate a "heads up my buddy coming to town for a visit is gay, I just thoguht I'd tell you out of respect"...is the same as saying "hey heads up, my buddy coming to town is black/white/brown/hindu/muslim/christian/sikh I just thoguht I'd tell you out of respect" (all of which make noooooooo difference).
The fact is, simply saying "out of respect" means that it is not. Asss respect for someone does not come from a persons race/culture/colour/sexual orientation
"I want to live in a country where my children will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character" (I hope I quoted that right, thats Dr. King)....That quote sounded relevent to my point so I thought I'd stick it in....even if it isn't relevent...its a fantastic quote non the less (which should be brought out more)
2007-08-01 19:33:40 · answer #8 · answered by apple_kaur 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What is the difference whether your friend is gay, or heterosexual?????? He is a friend, so just introduce him to your roommate as you would all your friends
Don't make an issue, out of a tissue.
2007-08-01 19:09:13 · answer #9 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree---don't tell him. If your gay friend is straight-acting your roommate will never know. Just act casual. No big deal.
I hope that your friend will respect the house enough to not bring a boyfriend home.
2007-08-01 18:43:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋