Is the act of forgiveness complete or are there resentments you can't let go of?

Question

Is there such a thing as 'partial' forgiveness? What is the first step in letting go of grudges, resentments?

Bingo! Fabulous Philmeta!

Cindy, you have hit the jackpot! That is a key issue, to forgive myself first for trashing myself and others throughout my life. Understanding the breakdown of my own innocence allows me to understand others similar plight. Thanks ALL! What great lessons I will keep forever.....

Hi Gaz, I have had trust issues for many years....thank you for your time and valuable input...

Answer 1

Dearest sister;

I held resentment for 40 years. I literally tried growing around it just to keep the people in my life. It took someone jerking my head around with.

'Why the need to put feelings in where there are none?'

I had no feelings for the people that just kept right on insisting that I mean a certain thing to them, and I must comply? I didn't. I sat with that, and realized that I had trapped myself in an inauthentic relationship that didn't serve me and a whole lot worse...

Knowing that we're capable of building true relationships, why would we ever hold on to those who did us damage for even a moment beyond what is necessary in letting it go.

See, cut the line. The world will look entirely different to you, once the affect of 'hurt' and 'resentment' no longer guide you in the present.

The worst thing in the world is letting the past recreate the present. NOT even a moment should be given over to the pain in the past. Set yourself the task,... decide to release. Decide, personal freedom. Decide to live outside of what was known. Decide to not be triggered by circumstances that no longer exist. Energetic patterns do exist, and they can be broken. Your re-do's show you how. Make different choices.

{{{{{{{Valerie}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Answer 2

Cory Tenbloom has an excellent book about this very subject.

Even after she had totally believed that she had forgiven all involved in her ordeal with the holocost and her tormentors,she found that when placed face to face with the killer of her sister, she knew in her heart that she had not yet completed the forgiveness process.

Partial forgiveness is generally when you have gotten away from a person or situation and know that you do not have to deal with it any longer.

You know that you have truely forgiven when you can think of the incident or the person or the situation and instead of anger or sadness, you can smile knowing that God is in control and you can use that incident or experience to help others.

The first step in letting go of grudges, resentments may sound a bit silly at first, but it is to forgive yourself.

Even when you are 100 percent the victim, you still had thoughts, maybe murderous, definatelly revengeful and you need to ask forgiveness for these things.

Once you have been forgiven for your part in the situation, even if it was only thoughts of bad things, you can begin the process of forgiving the ones whom caused the grudge and the resentment and so on.

This process is very effective for survivors of childhood abuse, both physical, psychological and sexual.

It can and will work for all types of matters in which we need to forgive so that we can live.

Answer 3

So you mean 'bottling up of emotion'? (here - Love). You may mean it literally, but metaphorically, bottling up of emotion(s), lead to an ocean of emotion forming within, with huge waves, longing to connect and you can't just let it out as per your own wish. It comes out like a volcanic eruption whenever it wants to. It's like a coiled spring - the more you thrust it and force yourself on it, the moment you leave it, the higher it will bounce back. So, never bottle up emotion(s). What eventually will come out will not be love, but only misery. Love chooses you, and you don't choose love. Love is like falling in it before even realising, so perhaps, one can never ever 'decide' when to be loved and when not be since 'decision making' ventures nowhere near it. Therefore, bottling it up would only show your insecurity - as if you want to own it and want it to behave the way you want to. Further, we all possess love inside which manifests itself when the time is right & ripe. And then connect with the other. It just flows.. so when you can't possibly cage or bottle the love you possess within yourself, it's never wise, to put someone's love inside a bottle and then tag it as 'my love'. It's no longer yours. It's yours when you give it wings and just let it fly.. high!

Answer 4

Forgiveness is an act of the will. You must choose to forgive. It may not feel like you have forgiven at first, but if you make the decision to forgive, eventually things will be better. But remember...forgiveness doesn't always mean forgetting. If someone has harmed you while you may forgive them you may also choose to not let them become a part of your life again, so you can protect yourself. The first step to forgiveness is realizing we all are in need of forgiveness then speaking out loud that you forgive that person.

Answer 5

Sometimes it's a process, not an action. It's like changing a habit - you make a decision to change and then the real work starts. I also think that for every rule there are exception - carrying a resentment is not like wearing a backpack that can be taken off and set down. Many resentments weave themselves into our being and need careful, time consuming 'surgery' to remove them - and even them fragments may get missed, and regrow. I live my life by focusing on what has been done, that way I can encourage myself (rather than berate myself) - Delightedly yours, VC

Answer 6

Forgiving and forgetting are two separate things. To forgive means that you no longer hold that person accountable, or want them to have to pay for what they did. Short of memory loss, you may never forget it. When a person breaks your trust, you don't have to instantly trust them again, even if you forgive. They need to show themselves worthy of your trust.
Remember, forgiveness is as much for you (maybe more) than it is for them. Somehow forgiving lets you out of the angry (hurt, resentful, bitter...) little "box" that they put you in. Lets you be free again. But it also lets them out of the "guilty box" that you put them in.
Did that help at all?? Hope so.

Answer 7

Forgiveness generally removes the expectations placed on the individual who is being judged, but doesn't remove the judgment. Those who are forgiven are most often still seen as wrong. The next step is acceptance, which does not refer to inviting various behaviors but is simply the removal (surrender) of judgment.

If no judgment is ever made, no forgiveness is ever required.

Answer 8

I dont think the fact that you just say you forgive someone is the end of it all, depending on the situation you should try to restore that person back to their original position in your life. This can only be done by praying and asking God for his help. You will definately want to pray good things for that person, so the Lord knows your heart.

Answer 9

There is no such thing as complete forgiveness.We are incapable of that at this time. The best we can do is pretend and convince ourselves that we have let go of somthing that stings our soul.( It only hurts when you think about it) so,try not to think about it,thats the best we can do!

Answer 10

Sometimes you just have to let things go . . .

We have a joke in my family . . . that we may never meet the people our mother has encountered in her life, but if we ever DO, we sure know what to think of them . . . lol.

I choose not to live like that. Sometimes it's hard not to, since I was trained early in life to hold grudges and judgements . . . but I'm trying to do better. :-)

What works for me is to call old hurts to mind, and consciously forgive . . . to speak my forgiveness out loud.

Now, for the really bad stuff . . . well, vengeance is a sacrament in MY folkway. *G*