I am 35 years old, when I was 14, I was raped. I never told anyone & I am really ashamed of it. I never dated as a teenager, as all of my other gf's. I did marry the first boy I ever dated at the age of 19 & we had a son together. I divorced him 10 years ago because he cheated. I tried to date originally, but I had a hard time dealing w/ men, because I don't trust them. I haven't dated anyone for 8 years now, I've only ever had one boyfriend in my life & I don't really have any experience w/men. People always give me grief because they tell me that they think that I am too pretty to be alone especially because my life is very "together" and the only thing that is missing is a man. I like men, but I'm kind of afraid of them -- all of the adult men who have been close to me in my life have hurt me. My son & I are very close, but he's a young child so I guess that this is different for me. Should I change my life & make efforts to trust a man or should I keep my life as it is?
2007-08-01 15:55:02 · 33 answers · asked by Diane 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Life offers too many choices and chances, you can never put all men species in general standard because everyone has different,unique self. You will never know, unless you take the risk to know. You will not grow if you won't start moving up and start walking again. Simple, fear is something you are afraid to do, to face..if you'll just going to run from it... it will not disappear it will just run after you..and will eat you whole. Take all the chances you can get, then from there start choosing the "best". Don't be afraid to do it wrong, what matter is that you try to do it right.
2007-08-01 19:24:09 · answer #1 · answered by rhona 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you feared reaching out for hope and support. It must have been a sad lonely time for you. You can't change yesterday, you live for today and plan for tomorrow. Yes you and your son are close. You need to get him grown at least 18 and on his own path. One day he will have a love in his life and move on to his future. Tell me the benefit of changing or not changing? You need to talk to a therapist for a few sessions that may help. You should find things to do in groups of people. Bowling, hiking, take a class. Things like that where men are around. That will make you feel more comfortable. A brunch, or lunch is better than a dinner. Take it slow and easy. The bar and club scene as well as the internet is out. Everywhere you go, the market, bank, shopping center talk to people. If you are approachable a man. a nice man will catch your eye. Bottom line if you want this you need to try. If not, nothing will change.......Good luck
2007-08-01 16:15:30 · answer #2 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your awful experience, but I hope you know that you have nothing to feel ashamed of. The rape is not your fault. You are the victim, not the guilty party,
You should change your life because you seem unhappy the way it is. Even though it's been almost a decade, you can still get help. Find a counselor you can talk to to help you get over your pain. A good place to start is RAINN (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network), or explore your counseling options through school and/or work.
I hope you can find a way to be happy.
2007-08-01 16:00:24 · answer #3 · answered by Come on in, the water's lovely 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to stay choosy! You need to find an ultimate trusting and love situation. He should be the kind of dude who can live and let live, but want to massage your feet over a good movie. He should hear your going to the store and have your car running and air conditioner going, not because he's spineless, because he's taking care of you! Until then, why bother!? I had some loved/dear friends in my life a year ago.
They did something to me, physically that leaves me changed (mentally) for life! I have no desires to seek out friends, girlfriends, any kind of life besides my film work!
I (kind of ) understand a bit of where you are coming from, at least when it comes to our outlook of the world, NOW.
I send you my greatest blessings and I hope as time goes, you continue to heal and feel happier. You deserve it! Peace!
Sid
2007-08-01 16:08:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen hun...i'm pretty sure you are a talented young women...but trust is important in life...you got raped is very tragic...but you have to be tough after all men are human beings jus like us women, an remember you can be who you want when you want, so all women are sometimes scared of men, but you know what i don get it why are men incharge...a man that rapes or murders is a animal not a man, but not all men are animals, give your life a lil boost and take your time on deciding who you wanna spend your life with...but remember love is very beautiful, i'd love it for any women to experiance it! An remember god has decided your life partner! Good luck!
2007-08-01 16:05:14 · answer #5 · answered by mehaksweetheart1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me you are not the only person that has went through this. My mom was molested as a young child and when we were young she was VERY VERY protective of us almost to the extreme!! She never let anyone babysit us and I only remember being able to spend the night over a friend's once and I was sixteen. ANyhow, men are hard to trust period but i believe you should make a effort to date because not all of them are dogs
2007-08-01 16:00:49 · answer #6 · answered by confused 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow Im sorry for your trauma with men...but the trutrh is you cant make yourself TRUST men, thats something that has to come from within, every woman deserves a man and every man deserves a woman...just know that your worth it...I definetly dont think you should go looking for a man but I do think that you should WAIT and see what comes along...Not every man that tries to advance at you you need to get seriouse wih, you cna be freinds and take it from there, and remember keep your options open...as hard as it may seem there are SOME good men out there..you have your son dont you? lol...you'll be fine, just be you and relax, the right man will come along sooner or later
2007-08-01 16:00:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's sad and I understand how it would be hard to trust a man in that way again. My advice to you is try to join a group or talk to a psychiatrist not for re-visiting but how you can get over it. It's not good to have a negative experiance and not tell anyone about it- I bet if you tell someone you'll feel a lot better and if you do decide to date- take it slow
2007-08-01 15:59:07 · answer #8 · answered by @@@???? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be ashamed of what happened, it was not your fault, but only if was that simple. Consider counseling but not in order to be able to trust men, instead to help deal with the trauma of what you went through. After you reach a point where some of those issues have been dealt with, then consider the possibilities of a healthy relationship. You have to take care of yourself, for you and for your son.
2007-08-01 16:10:40 · answer #9 · answered by Mark A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really need to get into some kind of therapy and work on some of the things bothering you before you can really get into a healthy relationship. It will be hard and scary but it is really what you need. Sorry that you had to go through this ordeal and that you have had 20 years of torment because of it. But know that you are not alone. You have no reason to be ashamed and that you can get help.
2007-08-01 16:05:55 · answer #10 · answered by shane b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋