My new husband and I recently were married, with an adults-only reception. Problem was that a few couples we invited replied with a higher number than were initially invited- namely their children. Nothing was done or said about it, but how should I have properly handled the situation? I think it was unfair that they brought their children while others had to arrange for babysitting or couldn't come.
2007-08-01 14:20:55 · 18 answers · asked by Robin J. Sky 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Dear Ms. Janica-
I DO have a child, so I do know what it is like. Our daughter was not present at the reception, either.
2007-08-01 15:04:23 · update #1
Kat had it right - you should have responded right away when the RSVO came in - called & said - "sorry, no kids" - just you & yours" - it was rude & presumptous of them to have brought their brats - people should NEVER bring anyone who's name is NOT on the invite.
2007-08-01 21:23:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
When you received RSVPs with additional guests other than the "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" invited on the invitation, I would have recommended calling the guests. Call them, thank them for sending the RSVP card back, and say how excited you are to see them at the wedding. However, you see there might be some confusion, because there are additional guests RSVP'd for...and unfortunately due to a very tight guest list and limited budget, your reception is adults only, as your invitation states. If the guests inform you that they will be unable to attend without their children, tell them you understand but you will miss seeing them there. Thank them politely, and hang up.
That is the most polite way of handling the situation. Unfortunately many people are rude enough to invite added guests to a party they are not paying for. If the invite says Mr. and Mrs. Smith....the 4 little Smiths are not invited.
However, if your invitation says "Mr. John Smith and Guest" and he decides to bring his son or daughter as his guest, that is within his rights, unless you have made it clear this is an adults only affair. When you put "and Guest" you are letting the invitee know they can bring whomever they want as a companion...including one of their children.
I've never been able to figure out why people are so rude that they would assume to add anywhere from 10 to 20 dollars per plate to the bride and groom's budget for guests that are uninvited. If I were invited to a birthday party for a good friend, I would not assume there should be enough cake for everyone, so I can just bring a bunch of extra guests without permission from the host.
Stuff like this is why I have moments where I am so tempted to run away and get married in Jamaica, like we originally talked about. LOL.....
Bottom line, you were between a rock and a hard place, honey, and I'm sure you handled it to the best of your ability. I hope your wedding and reception was lovely, and congrats on starting your married life!
~Kat
2007-08-01 21:42:57 · answer #2 · answered by Kat 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
When I got married, there were NO children at my wedding. Any wedding where children are present turns out disastrous, if not downright cheesy. (And I have a kid so there.) You should have been specific about the no children rule. Actually, you could have had someone call them ahead of time and let them know that you didn't want ANY children at the wedding and that you could not financially accommodate them. They were just plain rude. They shouldn't have responded with extra. Oh well. Time to move on. Live and learn.
2007-08-02 01:17:22 · answer #3 · answered by Empress1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's all over with now so there's nothing you can do. Anyone's reply card that came back with additional guests I would have immediately phoned and informed them that we had limited seating at the reception and they would have to find a babysitter. If they didn't like it then I would have said "We really cannot accommodate extra guests. If you can't find a sitter we will miss you at the reception." End of discussion.
2007-08-01 21:39:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
first of all, I am guessing you didnt say "adults only" which is good, poor etiquette if you did, now for your question: next time if you ever have an adult only party and have RSVPs just put on each card "2 spots have been reserved for you" that would be a polite way to say adults only. (you can change the #2 if you are inviting a family with children and they are invited or inviting singles).
2007-08-01 22:29:16 · answer #5 · answered by flutterflie04 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
here's what happened to me.. my husband and i, well he was jsut my boyfriend then had two kids.. his cousin knew about the two kids and only invited him and i.. then i found out they invited other kids and not ours.. i am and will probably always be VERY pissed about it.that' rude... but in your case you didn't invite these children but i would be more worried about the people who had to get sitters for their kids when the others brought theirs anyway.. they are probably not happy about it and thought you just didn't invite their children. No it's not rude to have an adults only reception either. It's not something i would do, but, what you should've done is phoned these people IMEDIATLY when you got the rsvp and told them that it was an ADULT only party politely.
2007-08-01 22:54:25 · answer #6 · answered by Kacey D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've seem wedding invitations that read "2" ( or how many guests the invitation was for)seats have been reserved for your presence at.....
I would have called and said something before hand. In planning of a wedding you can see that ppl have no etiquette. and they probably had no Idea that an invitation made out to
Mr and Mrs smith ment just Mr and Mrs smith, not Mr and Mrs smith and family!
2007-08-01 22:16:01 · answer #7 · answered by dsmd 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would have made a personal phone call to those who replied with a higher number and expressed that it was an adults-only reception.
2007-08-02 00:18:47 · answer #8 · answered by Sondra 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not only unfair but also rude...if the invitation said "adults-only". If nothing was said and done about and you survived, next time make sure that you point it out to this couple to make arrangements for a babysitter in advance:-)))
2007-08-01 21:26:45 · answer #9 · answered by Olga M 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes things are just out of your control. I was upset because my husband's cousin had friends near our wedding reception and thought she could ask to invite them. It was 3 guests @ 150per person. My mother in law agreed and we had to deal with the madness.
People are rude and you can't teach manners to every person. Who knows, maybe if you wrote "no kids" they still would have brought them.
2007-08-01 21:55:24 · answer #10 · answered by Lyla 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have no idea how best to handle the situation...i do not agree with adult only receptions.....if people want an adults only party it should be done on a day other than the wedding...attending a wedding is done at considerable expense to the guests in money and time.
2007-08-01 22:35:54 · answer #11 · answered by mups mom 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋