Is it just me..?

Question

or is anyone else sick of seeing wives and girlfriends complaining that thier spouse/boyfriend is in Iraq? My husband is on his 6th tour and honestly it doesn't even bother me anymore. I can't stand seeing people complaining about something they knew they were getting into when they married a military member. All the "I can't live without him" whining. Is it just me?

My father was in the AF and retired as an E-9. He was OSI and was undercover for a good portion of his career. My husband is now in the AF and as a crew Chief he is gone constantly. We have a great marriage and a beautiful son. My husband has never been home for one of his birthdays and has been home for one Christmas. He lovs his job and I support him totally! He has done one 12 month tour and is now on 6th 4 month tour, all of which he VOLUNTEERED for.

I know what you mean about those bumper stickers. I don't have any of that crap on my car. His job is much tougher than mine. I get to stay home with our son while he goes halfway around the world to work 16 hour days and sleep in a tent.. No contest about who has the tougher job!

Nacol S---no backlash, I think you gave a really great opinion, and I thak you for it! I know that there is a possibly that he could be killed while deployed. But he could just as easily die in a plane crash or fall off the wing of an airplane. We can all die at anytime. As long as I tell my husband how much I love him EVERY time I talk to him..that is what is important to me. If he was killed I know it would be while he was doing something that he loved---Being in Airman in the UnitedStates Air Force!

Answer 1

Well said. My husband is on his third tour in Iraq, and although I miss him, I knew he would be sent when he enlisted. I'm extremely proud of his service. He volunteered for this tour as well. Those girls that whine about being unable to live without their husband/boyfriend probably aren't cut out for the military life. When you date/marry a service member, you have to realize there is a chance they will be deployed at some point.

Answer 2

I am sure I will hear the backlash for this one, but how can him being deployed "Not bother you anymore"? How can it not bother you knowing that you may not see him again?

My husband and I married when we were both in the military, and when our first born came, I opted to get out. Someone needed to be home with the kids.

Statistics show that alot of these wives are extremely young, and while yes, they knew what they were getting into, have now been moved across the county, far away from friends and family, with no one to lean on.

While these wives may appear to be "whining and complaining", to you; it is how they express their feelings. These women truly care for their spouse, and are scared to death. I will agree with you, that being the soldier is rougher, but it is tough being Married to the military. There is no control there. The one left behind has to take care of the home front, all the while hoping that when she picks the kids up from school, and pulls into the drive, there is not a chaplain waiting at her door.

It also appears that you grew up in the military, so you saw how your family survived without your father around.... many of these girls did not.

Please also remember, that while your husband volunteered, so did all the others. That is what the military is.... Volunteer.

Answer 3

I think that venting your emotions as a wife is normal. I am a military wife whos hubby is deployed to Iraq and I am one of those wives who has the car magnets on my car to support our troops and keep him safe, how is could that be looked down upon ? I don't think that when I or anyother wife is having a hard time dealing with the seperation, why should we be considered whinning ? Yes we knew when we married our men that there would be deployments we knew this however you never think about them being deployed to war that is different. Its great that you can deals with yours so strongly but for you to down other military wives is wrong. Everyone deals with stress different where does it say that ur way is the right way ? If it doesn't even bother you that ur hubby could be injured or killed while deployed then I think thats an issue you need to find help for. A regular deployment is one thing one at war is another. I believe you love your hubby but maybe the fact that you could go on throughout your life without him, then maybe your relationship isn't that deep. I think its great that if you are experianced at deployments then you could lend a hand to help one of the new young wives instead of putting them down to make yourself feels better. I don't think a wife should sit and let the world pass her by her, or her to give up on everything cuz hubby is away, but it is completely normal to feel upset, lonely, sad, worried, hurt, or scared that is normal. We are human. You as amilitary wife are allowed your moments. But for you to tear at the ones that do is very cold and heartless. I think that maybe you might have some things to work through yourself. Not just being a military wife but a wife period is a hard job and knowing that the saying," military wife being the hardest job" well something must be true about it, we all say it. If you are not military wife and saying to cowboy up, then you need to walk in some of our shoes. If you are a military wife saying cowboy up then you need to change your size cuz somethings wrong. I will tell you with three kids, I am so stressed and there are days when I don't know if I can take anymore. I cry some nights, I put on my smiles during day , worried about hubby ALL THE TIME and you know what its ok cuz I keep on keepin on thats what matters not that I said oh I miss him I don't wanna live without him. I love my lifestyle what I do and what my hubby does, and ITS OK that I vent and feel what I feel. Are you ok ?

Answer 4

I don't mean any disrespect but some wifes/girlfriends don't have the experience of having a family member in the military like you. It might be there first time experiencing that experience. Everybody is different and handle situation s differently. Some cry, other don't think about it, so just do something to get there minds off the situation there love ones are. You are obviously an independent, strong women, but most women aren’t like you, no disrespect intended.

Answer 5

I hope you're on the level - I'm going to assume you are.

I think the majority of those complaining are very young, with kids and maybe not be able to handle what they are having to do.

Mine was over there and got home just before the war - is currently in a non-deployable unit. I can't gripe if he gets sent to Korea for a year and then rotating in Iraq.

Try to be a little more understanding of the wives - maybe all they need is someone to talk with that have been there -= ya know?

Answer 6

I'm SO GLAD to hear someone else say that! I'm a marine wife, currently living in an army town. I see stickers on every other car saying, "Soldier's wife: toughest job in the army." And I saw the same thing for marine wives when we were in camp lejeune. Have any of these whiny women realized that as a rule, the wives don't get shot at on a regular basis? And don't get me started on the women who marry a military guy KNOWING he will be deployed a lot, and then go find someone else to sleep with because he's been gone so long! Then there are the ones who scream and cry because they have to take care of the kids by themselves during a deployment. Did they think the deployments would magically stop because their first child was born???
Yes, sometimes it sucks. It gets lonely. And sometimes you want to go find your husband's CO and wring his neck. But like you said, we knew what to expect when we got married. I'm so glad to see another military wife who is capable of doing something other than whining about it.
That having been said, I wish I had your confidence. Every deployment, I live in fear of seeing a marine in alphas showing up at my door and giving me bad news.

Answer 7

I guess what gets me is the lack of independence. Those that act like they cannot survive a night without a man and completely form their identity through their husband or boyfriend. One woman said she was completely distraught and depressed after only one night of her boyfriends deployment ??

However, I do respect those wives and girlfriends who are taking care of their children and keeping things together at home with dignity. It is a sacrifice, but some women take it to an pathetic level.

Answer 8

I understand what you're saying. However, you're used to it; you have experience. In your own words, "it doesn't even bother me ANYMORE." Does that mean it did at one time? For many of these young ladies, this is a completely new experience for them, and they haven't yet learned the skills to cope.

With your experience, you would be a very valuable asset to the wives' organizations that help these young ladies learn what they need to survive while their husbands/boyfriends are away.

BTW...thanks to you for your and your family's contribution.

Answer 9

I tell you what gets me....are miltary wives who talk about how hard it is to be a military wife.

Try being a woman in the military with a family....UGH....and those stickers that they put on their cars...."Wife....toughest job in the "...

Some of the other women that I was stationed with would pull them off cars as we walked by.

But, thanks for your husbands sevice....I wish him a safe and speedy return home...

Also, the only reason I "vented" a little was because you don't appear to be one of "those" wives.

Thanks for being strong and holding it together.

Answer 10

I don't see it now.but you said it all"